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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> never been on a rollercoaster like this one!
Post Info TOPIC: never been on a rollercoaster like this one!
beacheemom


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never been on a rollercoaster like this one!
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I suppose it's normal to feel like you are on one, right? One day good, the next bad, then good and so on. No wonder we all feel like we are going crazy!! I thank God for this place. I think I have found, for me, what is going to keep me focused on me and my kids. Everytime I take the plunge and start to organize things in my house, I feel so much better. It's like taking small steps to improve our life. Yesterday I cleaned out our sunroom and organized everything that was mine and the girls. I left his stuff in the boxes ( 75%) is trash, but in no way will I go through all that mess. I just shoved it in a corner, well, actually it takes up ALOT of spacefurious. My goal is to one day in the near future use that room as a play room or better yet- a pool room when all of my kids can swim. My AH says in no way are we getting a pool- but again- I just say focus-focus-focuswink!!! He spends so  much money on him to have things for fun (2 boats, camper)- that one day me and the kids will have a pool, at this house or notwink. Sorry- I sort of got off track-no.
In a way, it's kind of like me moving a part of him out of the way, so I can focus on me. Literally feels like I can breath again. I am in no way ready to call us quits, I'm just focusing on me more now so I can be better.
We have what I think is a beautiful home, with TONS of potential- built in the 40's but just about everything new. Tons of character- white fence around it, sidewalks, flagstone patio area with a flagstone path leading through our backyard.  I have just allowed these past 7 years that we have been here to let my AH get the best of me instead of focusing on me and what I KNOW needs to be done. So- here's to my quest for doing what makes me happy. It will take time- I don't have alot of extra money- I'll be doing things around here on my own as far as money goes , but gutting out and cleaning out the misery that I have allowed to accumulate doesn't cost a thing and the reward is magnificent!!! As I am writing this I am sitting at my kitchen table looking out at my daughter making mudpies in our backyard. So precious!
Thanks for listening to what may seem like nonsense, but I feel like I am right on track with needing to clean out. Geez I make it sound like our house is a complete mess, it's not, but the point is I've allowed things that I want done to not get done because I've been waiting on my AH to jump in and help. I know that he should help with these things, but I also know he chooses another path to take. I'm just choosing the more rewarding path.

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Melissa21


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(((beacheemom))))

Sounds like you are doing much better!! We all have our own things we like to do to better ourselves and stay focused on us!! I often cleaned up closets and what not as well just to keep myself busy. I liked a clean house!! All my neighbors would comment nicely on it and it made me feel good!!

Good for you for choosing the more rewarding path! It sounds like you are learning a lot here!!!

Keep coming back even if it's just to post "nonsense" posts; which by the way I do not think your post is nonsense. It's great!!

Thanks for sharing,
Melissa

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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
kitty


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Trappings can become overwhelming... I know I had a ton of stuff that I simply wasnt able to use.  When I moved (6 mos ago) I left half of my stuff to try to free myself from some of the stuff/clutter.  I like to collect things & have things to use, so it's a very fine line.

It is also symbolic (& literally) of you taking back personal power ~ good for you!


-- Edited by kitty on Tuesday 30th of June 2009 09:27:33 AM

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Pfunk


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Good for you!

I have spent over 20 years (my ex-AH and AB) waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... for them to participate in making "our" home a "better" place. What I finally realized is that they were perfectly content with the way things were.  Their extra time and effort they wanted to spend in their own way (drinking/drugging) not my way.  What I did was to take advantage of that.  I painted (my color choice) which was my way of cleaning away the past (the old me) and beginning a new pallet.  Then little, by little, I chose floor tile, furniture, decorator items (all my choice) because they made it clear through their actions they did not want to participate and I was no longer waiting!  I had had it and had spent too many years waiting (almost like trying to get permission) to do what was important for me and my home.

What I found was a beautiful peace of what I had accomplished on my own!  I had no idea I could paint an entire house by myself!  I did it for me and stopped waiting for permission to take care of me and what I wanted and needed. 

At first, I thought if I started, they would jump in to help.  But nooooooo... that was my message that ultimately they had no interest and to forge ahead!

Good Luck and pick a color (paint) you like and that makes you smile.

Pfunk

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xter


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"I have spent over 20 years (my ex-AH and AB) waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... for them to participate in making "our" home a "better" place."

same here - i painted, organized cleaned, hammered, etc, etc... i have always felt good doing that. lately the home is in disarray. i haven't vacuumed in weeks. occasionally i sweep up but...

good on you beacheemom! i'm glad that you're doing these things. home DIY projects are so much fun and so cathartic.



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maire rua


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yes, I remember when I first joined this board, someone came up with the suggestion of shiny sinks, at that time my home was in such a mess it was unbelievable, I started with the sink and hired outside help who now organises, I clean, and am now looking at a house that is coming on and is a joy to be in, I know the other scenario, you'll get your pool someday I know it,

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Maire rua
MissyPoo


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I site I really like is called FLYLADY... really good message.  She is about Finally Loving Yourself and she teaches how to declutter your house and LET GO!  I have fallen off the FLYLADY wagon lately, but definitely need to get back on.  She starts with little routines (step 1 is the shiny sink) and goes from there.  Slowly building routines on routines until you have a clean clutter free house with no resentment from others not helping.  Clutter holds you back.  Clearing it out helps you get free.  Best of all, you want do it because you love yourself.  WWW.flylady.net

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Temple


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Beechermom,
You amaze me with your progress.
Now I have Progress Envy'
I kept waiting for DDAH to pitch in with the plantings around our house we moved into a year ago. Now I have found a lovely couple who love to do gardening and know more about plants for our location than I ever will, and it is starting to look like somebody loves it, out there.
I love to declutter. I can feel it, like a weight coming off my body, when naggy things or unwanted things find their way to the charities or the trash. And wouldn't you know it, all my closest relatives are packrats. I planned the move, and was going to divest us of a bunch of unneeded items, but the Vetoer stepped in. So we brought it with us, and now I just putter away when I feel like it.
I let myself get demoralized earlier this year. Now, I'm coming back to myself; yes, I am worth it, and no, I don't have to have anything around me that isn't useful or I don't love.


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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
maresie


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I certainly allowed the ex A's issues to paralyze me for a long time.  I think that's totally understandable.  I also know now that when issues came up I recommited to the relaitonship far more.  I actually needed to take a step back and work on myself.  I did not know how to do that so I recommitted and found myself still deeper into the enmeshment.

maresie.

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maresie
beacheemom


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hi everyone! Thanks for the replies, I always love to read what everyone has to say. I went on Flylady and now I am on a cleaning spree!!!!! Even more so! I think I have found a little slice of heaven- cleaning things out. This has been so good for me emotionally. I wrote out a 3 page list to put on my fridge that has my goals on it- of course all of the goals will benefit the entire family! I truly know there is hope now, where as before I am not so sure I could have made myself believe it. I didn't know how much I was addicted to trying to "fix" my AH. Thanks for listening, baby is crying so have to go. Love to you all.

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