The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
for those of you that have read my posts know that one of the hardest things I was/am trying to overcome is my AH lack of motivation when it comes to our home. I had alot of anger and bitterness about this issue. Well, he texted me today and let me know that he bought a weed eater for our yard. This must sound so stupid of me to be so overjoyed about this, but it's really not at all about the weedeater- it's about witnessing my AH start to make changes. I am so proud of him- I see that he's trying. Did he still drink tonight? Sure he did, but he thought of me today and showed his love for me by weedeating our yard. Somehow, someway he witnessed me changing- positively- and so he's changing. The lesson I learned today was sometimes what seems like small steps aren't quite so small, and be sure to slow down so you CAN see them. In the past, I would never have looked at it like that- because my anger would've blurred my vision. I would have missed it. My AH gave me the gift of HOPE today, and not to forget a beautiful yard! That's one more piece anger chipped away.
hahahaha - Jerry it may be that you did not get that reaction 'cos your yard has too few weeds in it to warrant such drastic action...you know over kill, bring a bulldozer to build a sandcastle in the sand. LOL
Ahhhh, beecheemom - you really are working that change me, in your life. And well one can see and celebrate the little things in life one often finds that it IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE THE IMPORTANT THINGS.
Often we are looking for the dynamic, the explosion, the award winning oscar ceremony in our lives when the sweet smile, gentle hand of love, the touch that says "I care", the plea that says, "I know you hurt, I know I hurt you - but hey I love you and I am trying. I see what you are trying to do, I want to try too, let's do it together. Thanks for being there still. As long as I see this in you I will keep going for I appreciate your gesture, your love."
The action speaks louder than words and he thought about YOU. THAT BRINGS A JOY TO YOUR HEART THAT CAN DO SO MUCH IN THIS WORLD OF crazy insanity of an A and the A's dependents.
Simply rapturous. Thank you for sharing this.
"It is the little things that are important." The journey of a 1,000miles starts with ONE small step!
Your journey has begun.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I'm so happy for you - you are making changes & as u said, u can notice them today. I think a big challenge for al-anons is to keep yourself in focus. It is tempting for us to get hopeful about our A's & begin to focus on them. They sense our shift in focus - we arent clinging to them - they have some breathing room and so do we. Keep yourself in focus first -- appreciate those changes in him -- just dont stare too long. Keep working it, ur doing great... and it shows. Small miracles and a miracle nontheless.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can walk around my house right now and make a list a mile long of things that need to be done, but the one thing I am learning in this program is "is it really worth it?" Is it really worth it for me to get all stressed and angry about? Some days I do, trust me, but I'm slowly finding some peace letting go.
My AH and I have discussed it actually and it stresses us both out, but we're not superheros and we don't have the $$ to hire many of the projects we need done out, so one day at a time, and one project at a time. Yesterday I spent hours mowing. It's ok. I was happy to do it.
Well, everybody, I reread this post this morning and boy did it make me laugh a little! The weedeater story was kind of funny- hehe. But- it did bring me great pleasure for him to remember what some of my needs are and act upon it. I totally agree that I don't need to start focusing on him, and today I believe I forgot about me a little more than yesterday. So, today was a so-so kind of day. I saw alot of selfishness in my AH today, but I was focusing on him more today than I had been. And man, does that ever wear me out to do that..... gotta try to not do that anymore. Inpain~ we don't have the money to hire things to get done either, wish I did! We have a ton of things that need to be done, if he would just take pride in our home! Doesn't he get that it's not just about us anymore- it's a reflection of our children as well. I say things like that to myself, but I know and you know why things don't get done- they are consumed with their needs. Again- I know now what works- to focus on ourselves and alienate their disease from us, which in turn alienates them from us. Right? I am just looking forward to cooler weather here (it's been triple digits and HUMID) and at that point I plan on making my home my own (no plans of kicking him out ), I just mean that it's going to be a reflection of what I like. It's a goal I have set for myself and my girls, to have a pretty place to come home to. I have already started loading huge plastic bins up with the stuff he refuses to go through- JUNK from the past. I have heard A's love their stuff, and find it hard to let go of things. Well, I believe it. Ok, guys gotta go - getting late.
