The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Rather than do the usual and focus on what I did wrong or where I slipped up (and trust me, I did!), I thought I'd list out what I did right instead.
1. I'm slowly making progress on protecting myself on the financial front. I just need to get off my butt and out of the house to finish up these tasks.
2. I finally made the call to a trusted AA friend with a request for 12th step work from him - this is a choice that I have been considering for quite some time as well. I'm glad I called. I think I would have regretted not pursuing this option, even though I don't know how it's going to turn out. We are going to try to meet next week when I can get the logistics figured out.
3. I went to a f2f meeting and 2 online meetings, one of which I chaired.
4. I called other trusted program friends just to talk - not in the midst of crisis.
5. I did not engage in the drama - maintained my composure on the outside and still managed not to have a huge meltdown afterward. Instead, I experienced not quite serenity, but calm acceptance of the situation.
6. I set and enforced a boundary by sleeping in another room when my AH one night when he insisted on perpetuating the drama. I did not yell, cry, stomp off or otherwise throw a tantrum. I calmly and simply stated that since we had nothing more to discuss on his topic, having discussed it numerous times all day long, that I would give him some space and sleep in another room.
7. I calmly explained to my AH some of his behaviors that I found threatening/unacceptable to me. He denied it, of course, but I feel better having communicating my feelings to him. "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean".
8. I got back into my exercise regimen.
9. I read my literature every day.
10. I did not intervene or make excuses when the AH did not fulfill a promise to our 8 year old son. I remained neutral so he can form his own opinions of his dad.
11. I took some time and worked in my 4th step work book.
*went to a party even though I was tired and feeling down and had a great time! *asked a new friend for her number
Saturday:
*played tennis *started planting my garden
Sunday:
*played tennis *remained calm during a difficult conversation *chaired a meeting *called a new person from Alanon
Monday:
*ordered two volumes (1 & 4) of Getting Them Sober after reading great excerpts online
Tuesday:
*chaired a meeting *played tennis
Wednesday:
*therapist appointment *worked out at the gym *helped an Alanon friend *got dressed up and met an old friend to hear great live music and talked openly with them
Thursday:
*ran before work! *stayed calm in the face of a very stressful situation *made the effort to call/text a friend FIRST
Friday:
*went to an Alanon meeting *went swimming *played tennis
Things I Have Learned:
1) I feel better after I call program people 2) I feel better when I post on this board and write in my journal 3) Exercise helps! 4) I feel better when I reach out to friends instead of waiting for them to do all the work 5) I don't feel better when I act like a victim and talk about the A to everyone and get unhelpful feedback, feel guilty and ashamed etc. 6) When in doubt, DON'T! 7) I want to start ACTING (even if this means doing nothing!) instead of just REACTING to the A.
