The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welp... I made it thru another Long Week... I have so much going on in my life right now, it is putting me into over drive, Last night I did take the time to go up on my bed, and just Lay there, and meditate, and pushing the stress from my body... It worked "In the Moment" but then when I got up, I think it was too soon...
I just can't seem to stay on course..
I do my readings, and they help "In the Moment", but then again, I walk away and couldn't tell you a "WORD" I read...
Tomorrow I have to go pick out a stone, "Now By myself", the husband was going to go, but has to work, and tomorrow is the only day I can do it... So maybe that is it, I just don't know...I have never picked out a stone, and don't know if I care to do this one tho I know I have too... I want my Afather to R.I.P.
So I have that, and the truck fender bender, Son still tryin to hook up with these peeps about his bike, and they are NEVER Scheduled people, (I am), they have called every day this week, sayin... "How about tomorrow", and just did it again... I personally don't care if they ever come, but I know my Son is soooo Looking forward to selling it so he can put some money in the bank... I have a Retirement party for my Step-Afather tomorrow, "Which I have to shop for AFTER Work Today", The Person I gave the trailer to did come by and drop off the tank I was being charged for, and I called and they told me to thro the bill away, and they would come get the tank... So YEAH! on that note... It is just super Overwhelming, for me for some reason, I don't know if it is the "Closing of this Chapter" or something else... I can't put my finger on it but it is get'n on my nerves... I feel like by now, I should be able to Idenifiy this craziness, and put a stop to it, but Am Strugglin....One Day At A Time... :(
Don't know just alot all at once, and now.. Who knows what tomorrow brings... I hope it is Happiness and Sunshine, but not lookin good!!!
Josie, It seems to this newbie that you have been pushing yourself ever since I started reading here. And it can be hard to turn off all the adrenaline and slow down and breathe. I hope maybe you will decide you want to recharge your batteries and maybe make a list of all the things you did to get things settled after your Dad's death and celebrate yourself for all that. You did an enormous amount of work You did good, Hon. And your Daddy is just fine. The stone is more for you than it is for him, really. So if you cut yourself some slack and got it later he would rest just fine until then. Putting a stone there will be another accomplishment, but you will still have feelings about the whole thing from time to time. It won't really put a lid on it all. Not altogether. Or at least it wouldn't be for me. I realize you are a whole lot different from me. You have a heck of a lot more energy and physical strength, for two things. I hope your boy can sell his bike soon. I bet he is a sweetie, like you. How great that the great propane tank caper is over. I think if there could have been one more piece of that puzzle with the trailer and the shed and what all, it would have shown up by now. Sure hope so. You have earned a whole lot of Peace about that. When I called AlAnon my second go-round, I was really hurting and afraid, and the woman who answered the phone said, "It's not your fault and it will get better." And I just repeated that over and over to myself until I could get to the non-smoking meeting two days after that. You know a lot of slogans. Maybe you can just say them over and over to yourself, when you can't remember the material. (And at least you got the material into some place in your mind and I bet it did some good at some level.) Is there a Take it Easy slogan? All Best, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
You wrote - Who knows what tomorrow brings... I hope it is Happiness and Sunshine, but not lookin good!!!
One thing I have learnt the hard way is not to predict and decide what tomorrow will bring before I get there, and if I cannot help myself but predict and decide what tomorrow will bring I will only let myself predict something POSITIVE.
Whatever tomorrow will bring...I see it this way...and this is only my opinion at this moment in time...
You are going to get up and you are going to choose a stone for your father as you want him to R.I.P
That in itself is GOOD. You will be laying the past to rest in the past. You will be selecting the stone for your father's grave and this is another step forward to closing that sad chapter and event in your life.
Just as you laid him to rest at the time of his death...you will now be encircling him in this act in the doing of selecting that stone.
GOOD GOOD GOOD.
Hope I have understood you right.
Then you are going to breathe and breathe in and out and let go of that. GOOD GOOD GOOD.
Then you are going to move on to your next task of living.
Remember your journey is made up of small steps. One step at a time you move forward, as I do.
Hey, you know I wrote to my step mother about a month ago, that is the third time since my father died in October last year and I asked once more what had happened to my father's ashes. I still have had NO RESPONSE. Slowly slowly I am letting go. I can do no more. If she will not tell me I am forced to let go let GOD and that is the agony of it...but if I do not take one small step for me I will crumble and not face the day.
Even if you only managed a short time on your bed, meditating, and you cannot remember consciously a word, your subconscious will have taken something in and your body soul and mind will have benefited if only in that time you were on your bed.
Better that you did go and lie on your bed than not, even if you feel you are not sure how much good it had done after wards.
It did you more good than if you had not gone and done it in the first place.
Tough time for me, lost another dear dear friend. Buried her on Monday and her funeral awakened so much unfinished business from my father's death and funeral, but hey what do I do with it.
I look at something in it that I can use to gain a positive and not let myself become overcome by the negativity of it all. What I found could only cover a pinhead, but it was better than nothing at all and I am holding on to that minute pinpick.
Holding you in the palm of my hand and covering you in prayer as I pray for myself too.
With love, Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Just keep in mind that everything will get done and resolved. It always does. I can be too much like that sometimes..lol So much so that I push things back and most recently ..forget to cry. I deal with what I have to deal with, knowing that there is an end. When I keep that in mind it doesn't seem so much like never ending craziness. Just look back at last week. The propane tank thing kind of put you in a tizzy. Now this week it's resolved. You wasted energy on a perfectly good tizzy!! LOL
I agree with Temple about the stone. That is for you. Dad is already happy and at peace. The wordly material things don't matter to him anymore. I'd even bet Dad is wishing he could give you some of his joy and peace and if he could he'd say "slow it down" and that the important thing is to happily live your life.
The bike will get sold whenever it gets sold So that leaves shopping after work. How about instead of going in to it pre-stressed, maybe you could consider it "me time"? Stop and treat yourself to a cold Chai tea or something and unwind a bit first. I know you can carve out 5-10 minutes. To say it bluntly, quit putting pressure on yourself
Have a nice time shopping!! Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I like what Christy said - take that shopping time and use it for you. True, the main objective is to pick up a gift for someone else, but you could also do a little something nice for yourself while you're at it.
Never under estimate the power of retail therapy, LOL!
Give yourself a break, allow yourself the time to grieve. This too shall pass.
Hi Jozie-- time to slow down girl and just *be* . Your grieving it takes time and there is no time limit , choosing a head stone for your dad will make u feel better , as u have accomplished another thing on your list of to do's. You say u do your readings and can't remember a thing u read , I remember those days all too well , a friend gave me a tip , it may help you too . She told me to read it first thing in the morning put it aside for awhile and when the morning crazies stop , fresh cup of coffee a piece of paper and pen sit down and read it again this time writting down the message of the day , each page has a solution to our problem but often we miss it cause were in too big a hurry. Put the solution in your pocket or purse and WORK it all day , this also keeps your mind from wandering to other things . the days get easier as your foucsing on yourself and we are suddenly in the solution NOT part of the problem. Your gonna be fine . Louise
RunnerChick... Thank you... I could use some extra.. :)
Louise...I have been tryin to slow down but to be honest sometimes I think all I know is "Wide Open"... I do plan to try your trick for I think it will help me focus better... so thank you for that ;)
Blender Girl & Christy... I took my boy with me shopping, and we even hit a sub way and just sat and talked, and it was nice, for he is growing up so fast and he is on the go all the time even in the summer, and after it was over we didn't find "ANY" Damn gift for my Step father, but we got cards, and that is as good as it got, for that was our only choice... On the way home my boy thanked me, and said he had a good time, we even stopped in the local pet store and hung out with the puppies for a while.. they always bring me smiles... Thank you both for you ESH as well i am most grateful...
SUZ (((((HUGS)))))- I am So sorry for your loss, you are such a strong women to have been thru what you have in the last few months, I am sorry that your stepmom is not being far to you in answering your letters, I could not imagine ones reason for such a thing, but I guess we are not here to figure them out are we ;) I am always glad to hear your ESH< & Wisdom, and will always be grateful for your kindness... I will keep you in my daily Prayers that you can move forward and find some sunshine after the rain... I really don't try to project, but I do catch myself when I let me mind get foggy... So thank you for takin the time to share your thoughts for me :) Love & Hugs...
Temple...Thank you for "Its not your Fault & It will get better"... I needed that slogan... That one and "Keep it Simple" I hope will keep me moving in a forward motion...As for the stone, Well if I don't do it now I can't close his estate, and frankly I have too... I know that my greiving will still be there, and truly I am ok with that for I don't feel i have slowed enough to greive him over all this, and I am hoping once the stone is picked out, and the account is closed, I can then move on with MY Life and maybe even enjoy it to the fullest with my wonderful MIP Family...
I am truly blessed to have you all in my life, and I am extremely grateful that you all took the time to share your ESH... Love & Prayers for you all... \Jozie
