The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
So, I moved out of my apartment cuz me and my boyfriend broke up. I had to move back home. I've been here a month, and things are going back to how I remember them as a child. Except I'm not a child, anymore.
My mother can't hold a discussion about anything when it comes to something that bugs me. For example, she reads over my shoulder when I'm on the Internet, and she listens to my phone conversations and makes comments when I'm on the phone. Fine, if she happens to overhear it, fine. But to make comments...it gets a little annoying.
So I brought it up to her and tried to discuss it, and she became immediately defensive, called me a liar and broke down into tears.
My father got mad because we were fighting, and he blew up and started calling everyone names.
They are both drunk right now, too.
I just can't take this. I'm emotionally spread thin because of the break up and new living situation, and I just can't take this. It seems like no one can just have a discussion about what is bothering them...it just turns into a crisis...even the smallest things. I can't take this, anymore, and I'm working on a way to get a new place, but it's probably going to be another month. I feel trapped.
please don't feel trapped, because you're not. This place is a nice place to come to and just let it all out! I'm not sure if drinking had a role in your breakup or not. As far as your parent's go, you know you cannot talk to a drunk. They are not doing the talking, the alcohol is. Work on getting you back, focusing on what makes you happy and work towards those goals. When things start to heat up at home, find a place to be alone and remember your goals. No one wants to hear their bad qualities, esp. if it has to do with alcohol. I know you are emotionaly drained right now, lots of changes in just a short time. Take advantage of this time you are given, and seriously work on making you happy. Remember that you won't be their forever, and each goal that gets checked off your list, the closer you will be to making yourself happy. I have to remind myself that people can only upset me if I LET them. next time your mom and dad try to start something, just walk away and don't comment. A's love to start arguments. But remember it can only turn into one IF YOU LET IT. Don't forget YOU are in control of you. Again I tell you- use this oppurtunity for you to get on your feet and set goals and look at them daily- stay focused on those and yourself. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) things will get better
I remember that trapped place...lonely and sad for me. Lots of negatives that drained my spirit and led me into insanity. We all share a common bond in the program. In Al-Anon we share a common recovery a return to sanity and spiritual balance.
Go get your telephone book while you are alone and look up the hotline phone number for Al-Anon. Call that number and get the meeting times and places and come early to a face to face meeting where you will, with an open mind, hear your story told by someone else. You are not alone in where you are at. There are untold numbers of others right where you are at right now and some who have escaped from it and lead happy lives today will share with you how they came to change also. You don't have to be trapped...that is your choice. When you choose not to get to a meeting.
I read your post and remember and it seems so very long ago that I felt like that. I hope you make the phone call. It's an anonymous meeting so your Mom will never know what you hear and share with others.
Living for twenty years alone brought the absolute opposite problems to being trapped and over come. However, in that aloneness I have had the time to lean on the real powerhouse, God. The God of my understanding who is my HP and friend, and mother and father, sister and brother, my mentor and sheild against all things negative.
That feeling of being trapped seems so far away now...indeed, I was surprised reading your post when I thought about that feeling of being trapped. "Did I really feel so trapped that I felt I would die?" I have to say the answer was a very firm YES.
And the only way out was to change something in me. My response, and take control of my own feelings. Put my trust not in those I felt hurt by and whom I still loved no matter what they did, say, or how they treated me.
Slowly, that Serenity Prayer took over and I realised that nothing changed until something changed. I changed my response. I decided I would NOT allow 'them' to crush me and entrap me. No matter where I was, or by whom I was surrounded I could escape into that prayer and breathe the words and work on it until it changed my fear into action.
Once I believed that I could change things I started doing things to make the changes happen. I believe that is the first step. Self believe. You can do it. You can make that change in you where, no matter what you can cope. If only for the next five minutes.
I was not able to keep going to meetings, none available for years and years, however those first meetings set me on the road to recovery though I did not know it at the time. Please, go to meetings and lean on those who are there. Talk with them and know that it private and confidential and strong. Share and let them share with you too. Gain confidence in that situation so that when you go home you can physically arm yourself against that feeling of entrapment. This is the way to release, freedom and recovery.
((((((((((cidiera))))))))))))))))))))), my heart reaches out to you across this mighty ocean and I encourage you to find that support in your home town and be gentle to yourself in you searches. You will find that strength as you search for a place of your own and in the meantime let those who have been there, done that, got the t-shirt support you, and keep coming back here to this wonderful family and look for the miracle that will happen in time.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I have been in that "trapped" situation before too. Different situation for me, but the same feeling I'm sure. My A husband wouldn't let me go to my al-anon meetings. He physically held me and wouldn't let me walk out the door. If I tried to get on-line al-anon, while he was home, he would taunt me about that. It got to where the only "safe" time for me to get on-line was while he was away, and he was hardly ever "away".
He worked from the home and I was "stuck" at home taking care of my elderly mother. He would call me repeatedly throughout the day to check up on me and see where I was and what I was doing. When I say repeatedly, I mean maybe 15-20 times a day. I tried to get out of the relationship many times, asking him to leave and he would not. I tried once filing a order of protection against him, that probably would have gone through at the time, but I backed out. I still was afraid of him.
I am not afraid of him today. I finally got him to move out. Surprise of surprises it was finally my 11 year old daughter that asked him to leave and he did! I don't know what prompted him to listen to her and not to me, but I'm glad that he did, because he was driving me crazy! Today we are going through a divorce and I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I can say about your situation is "This to shall pass", just like my situation did. All the suggestions that were given to you were great. Find a f2f al-anon group, get a sponsor, call al-anon friends, get the support you need. Keep posting in here and there are two meetings a day in the chat room and all other times are open chat. It is a very beneficial coping mechanism for me.
Good luck to you and your situation.
Overcome
-- Edited by Overcome on Friday 26th of June 2009 05:10:02 AM
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I have been feeling that way to some extent myself lately and it just about got the best of me until I heard someone say...
"If you don't like the way things are going get off your hiney and do something about it"
and
"Nothing changes until something changes"
Dang I hate it when my sponcees throw back at me the things I've told them. But I repeated both of those statements to myself all day long yesterday and today my outlook is better, situation is still the same but the way I look at it has changed.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
i would find a sponsor along w/searching for a meeting....i went to meets almost every night when first in recovery and when things are tough??? i got back to the multi meets.....working the steps.....saying the slogans as i visualize myself embracing me and my inner child.....yea, meets and sponsor, i smell a big need for it
this program works...it can make the unbearable , bearable and also clear up the mind for more sane decisions.. re: the solution
I have been in your shoes...had to move in w/sister, oldest one, she made me feel like i was "less then".......i went back to the ex AH b/c at least he worked and gave me SOME respite.....oh how i wish i had al-anon back then, or knew about it...it was there...i just did not know about it........take care
If you can't find face to face meetings nearby, there are online meetings here every day - twice per day most of the time. Here's the schedule:
All Times Are Eastern. (Mornings) Mon., Tues., Wed., Thur., Fri. 9:00AM Sat., Sun 10:00am (Nitely Meetings) Mon.-Sat. 9:00PM Sun. 7:00PM All times are Eastern Standard Time -1 hour for central time -2 hours for mountian time -3 hours for pacific time +17 hours for Sidney Australia
I know exactly how you feel. I moved out of my apartment with 2 kids a month and half ago. I am back at home with my mom and brother. They are both getting drunk tonight. They have just started and I am already irritated. That is why I came to the meeting tonight in the chat. I need to be here and listen and share with others.
I hope you keep coming back to Alanon! I have only been here 6 months and I know why they call this place Miracles in Progress! I have learned soo much to help me deal with alcoholics and to learn to love myself, be honest with myself and have more fun.
Like you said for me it is a lot harder because I just broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend after 3 years and the only place I have to come is with more alcoholics.
But one day at a time I am working on ME! I got a job a couple days ago. And today I started calling around on apartments.
I am doing the footwork and letting my HP guide me through. I pray each day for strength, courage, wisdom and to find serenity. I know I need to change my ways of things. And in the past I have always done what I thought was right, but I am never "happy" so now I am letting HP tell me what to do!
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
