The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We were on the topice of our yard- AH mows it but that's it- so it needs weedeating really bad, it looks neglected and it's embarassing to me. Well, about a year ago our weedeater broke and never bought a new one. So, with me being on this new path I'm on, I called my Dad (step-dad) to see if i could borrow his for an afternoon, until I could afford to go and buy a decent one that won't break. AH and I were talking about the yard and I mentioned to him that it needs weedeating done, well, he didn't agree he said it's fine and he mows it. I told him to not worry about my Dad bringing his over, that I could weedeat for crying out loud. I told him I didn't need him. Well, he kept on and on and on griping about me borrowing the weedeater. I finally said, you are not listening to me- I DON'T NEED YOU. I meant this in more ways than one and I knew he understood me. I know it's sad in a way, but it's true, and I am having a hard time believing it myself. But- I have to say it felt so good to speak up.
I used to feel I needed the ex A so desperately. I felt incredibly helpless and very very dependent. There was a very complex dance between us which involved a lot of control on his part and a lot of surrendering on my part. I'm so glad that you are able to take care of yourself. That is so so significant. Many congratulations.
thank you for sayiing that- and it really is like a dance. I'm working on becoming more independent, it's not easy at all. Passive has been my middle name for 15 years!!!!! When I speak up for myself, I'm "on crack" as he always "jokes". That's real funny isn't it?? haha So be it- I now know to quit focusing so much on him.
