The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ok, I think I have been looking at this all wrong, I just realize that the decision to stay or leave an A husband, which i know I shouldn't make any rash decisions. I have been so far thinking about myself. It's not all about that, it's about my kids. I should be able to make myself happy in any situation, but what about them. What is worse living in an alcoholic family or living in a divorced family. What do I do about them. Now I am lossed. how do kids turn out that have lived in a family with an alcoholic father. What is it going to do to them, now I am really concerned. I am extemely concerned, I know people who grew up like that and are scarred for life.
for my children I am strong, maybe not strong for me but for them I can be.
"for my children I am strong, maybe not strong for me but for them I can be." -RC
Ok then go to meetings, work the steps into your life, listen, learn & grow in the program. Your kids deserve one sane parent. Reacting & staying in the chaos wont help but u can get to meetings & work it for you. What this will do is show you ways to cope with life more effectively. It will encourage you to focus on you & love yourself. You will get detachemtn from the A & he will have to face his own disease & you will be becoming mentally & emotionally healtheir as u work it. Then the kids will emulate you... the one in recovery & they will learn how to handle life's difficulties and cope with it. But one day at a time right... focus on you, set some boundaries when ur ready and learn to detach lovingly from your A & it will improve the situation for everyone. It's like a ripple effect... when ur happy, u attract joy -- when ur changing & open & healing... that effects others too. Your kids will see the changes in you, follow suit & emulate what u do.
Focus on you, work a program & tomorrow will take care of itself as time unfolds. Be gentle & kind to you... go slowly. We're here for you.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I grew up with an A-Father who didn't quit drinking until I was 11 years old. I have no memories of his drinking being a problem - perhaps because I was protected from it by my older sister. She has all the memories and all the bad feelings. Perhaps if my mom had known about Al-Anon back then, things would have been better for my sister.
So the only thing I can suggest is that if you work the program and take care of yourself, your children will somehow be protected like I was. And when they are old enough - if your husband is still drinking - they can learn to take care of themselves through Alateen.
I tell you, I have the same concerns for my son. He is only 3 years old and I wonder, if my husband never stops drinking, how will that affect him later on in life. I hear so many people at my meetings who say that one parent was the alcoholic and the other parents was mean and bitter - I DO NOT WANT MY SON SAYING THAT ABOUT ME IN THE YEARS TO COME. That is why I am going to meetings and trying to be the best me I can, so that no matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, my son has the best mom he can possibly have.
thanks, that makes since. I don't think they are affected just yet. I hope not anyway. I have never been around alcohol ever, didn't grow up with it, at all, not sure what it does to you when you grow up around it.
I remember that sick feeling you are talking about.
All I can tell ya is I was a good mom. We had fun, our life was with out drama. My two kiddo's are wonderful citizens and an asset to the world.
I raised them a widow for eighteen years. My sons father was who I kept them away from.
It is like is it better to raise them with a live volcano becuz we love it or is it better to move to the Valley where it is healthy and calm?
I chose the calm.
You will do ok whatever you decide. hugs,debilyn Ps one of my best friends did like me and her 3 kids are great too. OUR jobs are to be the best moms we can be.
I'm facing a similar problem. In my case, i have an A wife. We have two wonderful kids, the oldest is 7 now, and my daughter is 14 months. And we have a third on the way.
I have been in denial for so long. I turned a blind eye to all the anger, the shouting, the mood swings.
And have just woken up to what it's doing to my son. He's funny, cheerful, and beautiful. Always smiling. But, he has a huge lack of confidence problem. I couldn't understand why, until now.
The answer has been staring at me all along. He's lived through the cycle of mood swings, followed by my reactions, followed by shouting followed by my over-reactions and on and on....
Two years ago, he inspired me to give up smoking. Maybe, he's going to be my inspiration again...
I'm gonna learn your sentence by heart.
"for my children I am strong, maybe not strong for me but for them I can be."
