The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First thing this morn a sheriff called me, he is in my driveway. He says he has papers for me, I said,"oh what a drag!"
lol of course I am a mess, lol lost a lot of fat have on baggy stretch cotton shorts,dark blue with marroon, white, yellow and turquoise paint on them. a blue tank top then a touquoise one over that with white paint and snouter prints on it from piggies kissing me when I fed them....
lol and these stupid but very loved bright pink flip flops wihth fake diamonds and rubies on them. I would NEVER pick these out but they were soooo comfortable I live in them. Even though they have tiny holes in them from puppies chewen on'em and duct tape on one from when Elgin horse stepped on them and I pulled away and rip!
Hair on top my head and allllll over.
vAt a picture dahing. NO I was not freaked, Al Anon is good. More thinking oh a visitor! yep so lonely even a sheriff deputy serving me is better than no one!
Anyway it is not my stuff but AH's. His lovely woman person who now hates him and he hates her, gave MY address and lied and said he was not there.
I told him of course he is there she is enabling. I will not and have not ever done that, lied to protect him. He was always a big boy.
anyway I didn't even get mad. soooo different than before Al Anon. I would have been freaking, crying, afraid, first then figure it out. The deputy says " well can't take blood from a turnip!" I said but I don't want to be a turnip! I want to work!
so I came in and thought well I got a legal sep a long time ago for one thing, I am not responsible for anything of his unless I signed something.
I called A just to tell him not to be concerned about it as I told them the situation. The creditors said they would just cancel the judgement.
He sounds like he has marbles in his mouth, can barely talk. Is not drunk.
So he goes to court Monday for sentencing, and believes he will go to jail then to prison. Does not matter that he is a physical mess. But that is OK. I said well u no how you are in there, you are as healthy as you were when we were together. Can't do dope in there. He says thats right.
I told him I was the happiest I ever had been in my life when we were together, that I loved our home and appreciated everything he built for me, I have no regrets for any of it. I loved him the same, now it is the friend part of us talking.
He said sadly, "Alcohol took it all away." I said I know that AH.
Asked him about his spirituality. He said he does not want to think about it, that he has hit bottom and the creator does not want to hear from him.
I told him this is the perfect time! What better a time to come to your father than when you are so badly beaten up and hurting!
So I hope hp helps him to feel he can come to his hp and go from there.
I felt so much love for him. He assured me he knew what he lost. I reassured him that I am still here as his friend.
He will have me on his list at jail and prison so I will go see him. It won't be about us at all. It will all be about helping him to find his hp again. I expect NOTHING. What makes me happy is I will get a little more precious time with him. I know how to live with out him, Al Anon taught me it is ok to love him, not enable him, however know he is very sick.
He thanked me for calling. That was nice. He did the last time we talked also.
So on Monday I will go to court and sit right by him and her. I don't care. He is still my AH. She won't care anyway.
Thank you thank you for Al Anon and all your wise shares and vents. With out it I could be full of hate for him and my heart rotten.
As it is I feel serene, and happy today. love,debilyn
What a wonderful gift you were able to give your Ah, to love him, but detach from the disease. I can see wonderful growth in your share and a serene and happy place where your heart dwells in all this chaos. I know it is the al-anon program that has given you this peace, that and your HP.
You wrote: "I am a mess, lol lost a lot of fat have on baggy stretch cotton shorts,dark blue with marroon, white, yellow and turquoise paint on them. a blue tank top then a touquoise one over that with white paint and snouter prints on it from piggies kissing me when I fed them....
lol and these stupid but very loved bright pink flip flops wihth fake diamonds and rubies on them. I would NEVER pick these out but they were soooo comfortable I live in them. Even though they have tiny holes in them from puppies chewen on'em and duct tape on one from when Elgin horse stepped on them and I pulled away and rip!
Hair on top my head and allllll over."
I can just picture it! lol It is Soooo good that you can laugh at yourself in such a situation as that. It shows real growth on your part.
I told him I was the happiest I ever had been in my life when we were together, that I loved our home and appreciated everything he built for me, I have no regrets for any of it. I loved him the same, now it is the friend part of us talking.
He said sadly, "Alcohol took it all away." I said I know that AH.
More growth on your part I see and acceptance on his part that the alcohol took everything away. So sad, but that's what it does.
He will have me on his list at jail and prison so I will go see him. It won't be about us at all. It will all be about helping him to find his hp again. I expect NOTHING. What makes me happy is I will get a little more precious time with him. I know how to live with out him, Al Anon taught me it is ok to love him, not enable him, however know he is very sick.
Just a word to the wise, watch your back, and take care of you first. Alcoholics love to prey on the sympathies of their wives, ex-wives, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends. I would keep my guard up and as you said "remember that he is very sick".
With that said, take what you like and leave the rest. Take care of you.
Love in Recovery, Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thank you thank you for Al Anon and all your wise shares and vents. With out it I could be full of hate for him and my heart rotten.
As it is I feel serene, and happy today. love,debilyn
### What a beautiful post full of love and forgiveness and compassion.....i am touched by your attitude towards this human being who had chosen such a pain filled path for himself....Perhaps he CAN find his way back to his HP......I hope he does....
Thanks for sharing this real live story about how great this program is when you work it....
I have come to the place, now where I have asked HP to remove ANY and ALL hate and/or resentment from my heart too, re: my parents and to fill me with love and peace and to LET GO that which I never had any control over, and to give me the strength to think of things that are good...Starting with me!!!!
VERY nice post...I was up checking my email and decided to "stop in" here and saw your post...What a nice thing to think of as I get ready for bed.....
great post Debilyn, you could have a weekly column or blog or radio show or something! I think you could develop a great followiing! It could be called the barnyard or something like that. A mix of animal welfare and recovery all mixed into one.
I just had a recent test, like you. Papers come in the mail, tax stuff from ex AH, from time we were married. Normally it would have thrown me off for DAYS with hurt, fury, anger, tears, etc. I checked myself. I started to go there and I just STOPPED and really sat down and checked myself and took a HARD look at the reality: I AM SAFE. I AM JUST FINE. I calmly emailed the accountant and very very simply took care of it and did what I could and let it go. he emailed me back and now I am mailing the lot of it off to him. Out of my hands. No problem anymore. No fireworks. No hellfire and brimstone. No fury. Not a single tear.
Its not worth it- why work myself up into a slather?!! WHY?- its such a cruel SELF HARM to do so! Far better to lovingly hold myself and say: its all OK, look around you- do you see any monsters coming to eat you alive? NO! and simply let it go and move on. Took me 45 years to finally figure this out, thanks to al-anon!!!! w/o al anon, I would (still) be a total wreck.
LOOK AT YOU GO and you think I am flying...I cannot catch you for the speed you are flying.
Mi scuba suit is on, I just hope I can swim fast enough to catch you before you fly way over that mountain of yours and out o'sight.
It took me a while to don that scuba suit 'cos I was crying with joy and the tissues were getting in the way.
I love you honey bee. I really do. And you made my heart sing for joy at that serenity that I felt way over the pond eminating from your words.
All your pain has been turned into that serenity that you so richly deserve. Hang on to it and I will be praying on Monday for you and AH and I will be with you, by your side in spirit soul sister.
Just rejoicing I am fit to burst.
Suzannah, your crazy once "Heartbroken" is so moved for the miracle of healing and serenity that I see in you.
Just got to send you cyber kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[I'm just an old softy, honey and I am going to celebrate by making fairy cakes and getting my best pale pink gold-edged china tea set out and make afternoon tea of Cucumber Sandwiches without the crusts on and pick some of my English Roses to put in the bowl on my table - gee I wish you come join me, we'd have a hoot. I am even getting out the crisp white embroidered table cloth too, and the napkins, I'll have Lady Grey Tea, you can have Mango or Camomile or even Strawberry tea - I have them all. What a celebration.]
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Thank you so much for a wonderful share. I had just been wondering what to do if my AH stops drinking. Nothing just keep loving him. Thank you. I needed to hear those exact sentiments. You have no clue just what perfect timing that was for me. Take care of you, well keep taking care of yourself. You sound great and well prepared to go to court and leave the courthouse and go about your own business. Congrats to you!!
I am happy as long as you are happy. Personally wild horses would not drag me near any active alcoholic no matter what their situation is. I can understand your emotional tie with him (after all I've certainly been there). I can also understand you have compassion for this woman who has enabled him for a while now. Personally I think having boundaries around someone who is at a total bottom (which your AH has been to many many times) is a very very hard thing to do. Nevertheless you are free to do that and I understand well the many reasons you have to do it.
