The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ok, I am new to this, very very new, with lots to learn, even though that it kind of makes me mad that i need to learn anything, that I even need to heel. Still angers me, but it makes me feel better at the same time, weird hugh.
anyways, my A hasn't drank in two days, yay. This will be third, I have detached from him before I even knew what detaching was. I just decided to not care about what he does, about three weeks ago, and to my suprise he managed to get threw day to day life, and didn't even get as drunk as I thought he would, oooo, it feels so good to just let go. It was mind altering.
And since yesterday with the help of everyone here, I learned to take it day by day, and not assume or wait for him to start back drinking, he might, he might not either way, I am just worrying about today, it also feels good and I would like to thank everyone for that also. I also am starting to work towards my future, and not basing my future on what he will or won't do, I am working towards me, and if he is there, he is, if not he's not, but I will be happy, my future involves me and my kids only, not making plans on where our marriage will take us, that will be determined as I go but not making any assumptions or giving any thought about anyone else.
personal quote; hope it doesn't interfere with learning. By the time in your life that you realize you need change, the change has already occured, you just failed to change with it. don't let the past control you, what you have been threw makes you who you are today, the good and bad make us, not just the good, take advantage of the bad and turn it into something good.
Hello Rachel and welcome , I hope u are attending meetings for yourself , they will help alot u need support this is just too hard to deal with alone , this board is awsome and chat but nothing compares to the help u will find in real meetings . detaching dosent mean u don't care it just means u don't show up for every fight and u don't get on the roller coaster with him . His stuff his problelm . Love the man hate this disease works . takes time to separate the man from the disease but it is possible . Keep your expectations low and your gonna be fine , support his efforts at sobriety by minding your own business , by not showing dissapointment or anger if he should slip . come here go to a meeting and get as p o'd as u want ,just not at him . He just dosnt understand what his behaivor does to you and probably never will , just as u will never truly understand his need to drink . to keep it simple start your recovery by simply doing the opposite to what u would normally do in any situation . some one told me I had to learn 2 things right now --- I had to learn when to shut up and when to speak up . seems I had them backwards hehe . good luck Louise
good for you - way to work it with what u have. Keep focuisng on you & work your program & the steps the best u can. You're luckily you seem to have a grasp on detachment & acceptance already. Keep up the good work ~ recovery is self discovery.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Welcome to MIP. I'm glad you are here. I read both of you posts and can relate to the anger and lost brought on by this life destroying disease that we have absolutely no control over. Before I found the rooms of Al-Anon I was anger, mad, lonely, resentful, crazy, but most of all desperate. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of this disease that "does" take prisoners. I know because I had been in its grasp for years, and it was choking the life out of me. I had watched as the disease slowly drained more and more from me and my AW. Why me? Why would my AW want to destroy our marriage? Why could she not just stop? It was all her fault, and I had not been able to do one single thing to change her. I considered leaving many times. I did leave many times in my mind.
Finally three years ago I found the rooms of Al-Anon. I attended my first meeting so I could find the way to stop my AW from drinking. I was upset because I was told all I could do was take care of myself,- - - but nothing was wrong with me. My wife had the problem. I continued to attend two meeting each week, still do, made Al-Anon and this board a part of my life. I learned how to "unlearn' all the things I had been doing wrong over the years. (17 by the way.) I listened, read all the material I could get my hands on, and continued to take what we call "baby steps". I found out it is O.K. to make mistakes. Progress not perfection. I realized one thing real quick, I was in the right place with people who accepted me, cared about me, and understood as perhaps no one else could. Why? Because they had walked in my shoes. Realizing I was not alone was very important to me.
Three years later I am grateful that I jumped into this program with both feet. It saved my marriage, my sanity, and my life. I can never give back what this program has given me. Rachel, in no way do I mean to imply I have arrived. This program does not have a destination, it is a continuous journey. You never reach the other side. But the journey is life changing. I continue to learn from this program . I practice it in my every day life. It has made me a better person.
As Kitty stated and I agree, you already have a grasp on detachment, and acceptance. But please get to some f2f meeting as soon as you can. I promise you will be gald you did. It works if you work it.
HUGS, RLC
P.S. Do you know where Gibson's Donuts is located? A friend of mine from college owns it.
-- Edited by RLC on Monday 22nd of June 2009 05:32:21 PM
