The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I calmed myself down and got to remembering how wonderful I am and relaxed about meeting the parents as I know they're going to think whatever they're going to think and me being nervous isn't going to help anything. My BF said the magic words... it doesn't matter if they like you or not it only matters if I do... So we sat in the living room and talked for an hour or so and it went very well.
This weekend I went to a few garage sales and a food bank with my friend and another friend called to ask if I wanted to make $70. The deal was I had to be at the job at noon and it was already after 11. This was the first time in a long long time that my bf and I had the weekend off together, maybe the first time ever actually. So I scrambled to get the kids watched and get some other things in order to be able to do it. Then the friend who was going to watch the kids suddenly changed her mind and it all fell apart. At first I was angry. Then I realized that there is nothing I can do about it and I would have to choose to either spend time with my BF or go do the job for a few hours. So I decided to spend time with him, I got home and was told by both him and my friend I was with that I needed to learn how to relax. I'm always trying to find a way to make money and things are really tight right now. I don't really ever relax, when I'm at home I'm constantly doing something, cleaning something, etc. I joked when I was sitting on the couch folding clothes - see I'm relaxing - I'm sitting.... LOL Sad but true I usually feel that when I'm doing easy stuff I'm doing nothing or it doesn't count somehow as "doing something". I went to the beach, had a great weekend with my BF, took two of the kids to see their dad yesterday and took the oldest one shopping. It was generally a good weekend.
I guess I'm going to have to put some thought into how do I balance maintaining everything and relaxing at the same time? I really don't know if it's possible, especially in the summer when everything costs more and the kids are around ALL the time creating chaos for me to clean up. This means work a second job, sell stuff online, work my regular job AND either spend my "free time" cleaning up, taking kids to appointments, or yelling at kids to clean up while they refuse and go on to make MORE messes. I must admit I'm feeling totally exhausted today and I could sleep right here at my desk right now.
I can surely relate. I can't relax either but I have learned to mentally relax. When my husband was home last time I was buzzing around doing stuff in the kitchen and my husband picked up a near by dog treat and held it in front of my face and said "sit!!" LOL
Sometimes I don't know how we get along so well because he is slow when it comes to doing things and it can make me crazy. His favorite (and famous in the family) saying when anyone is trying to hurry him is "The world's round, I'll get there." He's never in a hurry. We've just learned to tolerate or joke about our opposite approaches.
What I do is detach mentally while I'm buzzing around It's the best of both worlds, lol. I can be grateful and make a mental list while mopping a floor. I take the time to regroup while in the car and running errands. I snatch mental relaxation while waiting in lines, rather then be mad that I'm waiting. My "me" time is mostly busy if you're outside looking in. Like when my daughter and drove 90 min. to Mark Twain's birth place for a day. We went on a riverboat ride and explored a cave. That "was" me relaxing, although busy. When I drove over 800 to my parent's house, I took that time to try to sort things out.
There's no rule that says you have to just sit and stare at a wall to relax. That would last about 4 seconds for me. It seems even if I'm sitting, I'm multi-tasking somehow. People have their own definition of relaxing. Hubby's is to lean back and watch Golf or football all day. That would drive me insane!! I can putz in my flower garden, pulling weeds and be just as relaxed.
Being physically exhausted is another matter. When I'm tired, then I rest. I can't be myself if I'm exhausted. I try to give my body what it needs. (At my age it demands that I do :) ) I think the important thing is to do it your way but listen to your body too.
I'm glad things went well with the parents.
Christy
-- Edited by Christy on Monday 22nd of June 2009 09:27:28 AM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
It takes a while to relax, and its not easy when you are trying to make ends meet, you're doing great, I found mediation tapes very good, though not to be used in the car while driving, take care
I too, have had a hard time trying to relax. Here it is 7am on my day off. Now I have got a cold and I really should be resting. I have to get some things done: laundry as well a conferance call that no one else can take. So even on my day off I have to work. My niece has her graduation on Sunday and we are suppose to go walking today. I can't see myself doing that today. Work has just taken a toll on me this past week and there seems to be no end in sight. We have a major corporate visit on Wednesday as well the golf tournament that they sponsor. Plus we have one huge project that has to get done July 5,6,7 all on overnight and we are so not ready for it! I am trying to figure out how to do all of this and yet take care of myself. I like Christy's suggestion of someone holding up a dog treat and telling me to sit!
I don't mind hard work. In fact I like the fact that I work hard, but physically it is taking its toll on me. I find doing the dishes relaxes me. But I don't have any to do! lol I think that's why I came up with Piper Kitty Days. If the cat can do anything she wants without feeling guilty about it why can't we? I have to admit I haven't really given myself one in a few months. I'm becomming a crazy woman again. Or at least crazier than I normally am.
Recovery is about taking care of ourselves, emotionally and physically. I have to remember that. I can do the mental work (most of the time). The physical needs more work. It 's all about balance in the way that is best for you. I am very happy things went well with the parents. That's great. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
It's the best of both worlds, lol.
and I really should be resting. I have to get some things done: laundry as well a conferance call that no one else can take. So even on my day off I have to work. My niece has her graduation on Sunday and we are suppose to go walking today. I can't see myself doing that today. Work has just taken a toll on me this past week and there seems to be no end in sight. We have a major corporate visit on Wednesday as well the golf tournament that they sponsor. Plus we have one huge project that has to get done July 5,6,7 all on overnight and we are so not ready for it! 
I am trying to figure out how to do all of this and yet take care of myself. I like Christy's suggestion of someone holding up a dog treat and telling me to sit! 