The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time posting a new topic. My pain has motivated me to ask someone to sponsor me and to start doing the steps. I need and deserve a better life. I am scared but I am taking the next right action with the help of my HP. I love the alcoholic in my life. But I know if I don't change I will end up hating him and myself.
I know I am attracted to alcoholics because I am afraid to look at myself. I am slowly starting to do this! I really appreciate hearing about ways to put the focus back on ourselves!
So far I have:
Alanon related:
1) 3-4 meetings at least a week 2) getting a sponsor 3) writing out the steps and sharing them with someone 4) asking people for telephone numbers at meetings and calling them 5) chairing a meeting 6) reading tons of alanon literature 7) attending a district meeting 8) online meetings here! 9) making a list of all things that attract me to the Alcoholic and finding ways to nourish that in myself 10) welcoming a newcomer
Fun, Beauty and Exercise:
10) walking my dog and taking her for play dates 11) working out 12) starting to run 13) trying new exercise classes 14) going to a therapist 15) connecting with old and new friends on Facebook 16) shopping for new clothes and jewelry that make me feel good 17) coloring my hair 18) pedicure and manicure 19) making new recipes 20) downloading new songs onto my ipod 21) gardening 22) taking a jewelry making class 23) writing poetry 24) watching a dvd 25) eyebrow wax
I love the clarity and simplicity of your post Bella! Nice! Also, I really could relate to this one simple sentence: "I am attracted to alcoholics because I am afraid to look at myself." WOW! That is very very profound and I agree with you (speaking only for myself, of course). And why are we so darned afraid of looking at ourselves? is the next question which is also a darn good one! Something for me to mull over awhile. Like what is the big deal?! Why would I self sabotage myself THAT much to avoid looking at myself?! My first guess would be low self-esteem...(which I have choices about and can find the COURAGE TO CHANGE)
I do many of the things on your list. I find physical exercise to be very helpful and am grateful that because of this good "habit" I feel and am physically fit which helps me so much to remain mentally fit.
I volunteer which also makes me feel good. I teach teens which I love to do. I also see a therapist who has been very helpful in a variety of ways. Massage is something I also find is necessary but have been having a hard time finding a good one with a schedule that works with mine.
This is fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing this. I, too, am having difficulty keeping the focus on me. I believe I am aware of the inevitable 'healing' of self and the need to face all the dark corners of my self concept and life. This terrifies me and focus on the A in my life distracts me from this task. It is true, when the pain is great enough, we are willing to learn a new way.
Congrats on your ability to follow through with your program related ways of focusing on you. I struggle alot with social interaction and attending meetings. This post gave me alot of inspiration.
-- Edited by RunnerChick on Monday 22nd of June 2009 08:51:41 AM
Oh and one more thing I wanted to say was that I took up running. I have been amazed at my ability to build endurance and it has given me something to be proud of. Completing 5Ks and working towards a half marathon is something I am looking forward to! One of my biggest parts of my recovery was learning to START something. I have never began anything in the past for fear that I would do it WRONG or wouldn't finish it. This paralyzed me. I started running very slowly and built up my mileage. It's proved to me that my body can be strong and that I can accomplish something if I put effort into it.
-- Edited by RunnerChick on Tuesday 23rd of June 2009 08:37:32 AM
I'm trying this too! One day at a time... Here are the things on my list that help me focus on and look at me:
1) stop talking about AH to everyone 2) stop compulsive and frivolous spending (just for today... and then tomorrow...) 3) go to 2 meetings a week 4) do the written exercises in the steps workbook i downloaded 5) meditate 6) see my therapist 7) play soccer as much as i can
Runnerchick - i can really relate to being unable to START anything for fear of not being able to finish or messing it up. i used to be a prolific knitter but in the past 4 years i have not been able to finish any project. don't know why. i actually started going to my therapist because i didn't know why i couldn't start anything or if i started, why i'd give it up. i used to do duathlons and 5k's etc... the only activity i have stuck with is playing soccer but even then, i have been known to bail on games at the last minute for the dumbest of reasons. (of course, i'm writing down all of these in my step workbooks ;))
