The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had forgotten that I still had the text for the article on my computer. I made the corrections so that my copy will match theirs. They do say in the instructions that they might alter the copy a bit for publication. It will be in the July 2009 issue.EnjoyBarbMother recognizes detachment as key to son's recovery
Living with an adult child in recovery has taught me many lessons.I learned how to mind my own business, how to say no and mean it, how to close the bank of mom and bolt the door shut--- and how to let go.
I listened to one woman say that after many years in Al-Anon and after many open A.A. meetings, she had never heard a speaker say I was saved by my momma.
I knew then that I had to turn loose of my son because I was never going to get anywhere in my program dragging him along behind me and he was never going to get anywhere with me riding on his back.
Today my son works his program and I work mine.We share with each other a lot more openly today than we did before.Despite experiencing some setbacks, we have both made progress in recovery.
Once my son told me his one wish for me was that I would live long enough to tell 20,000 other moms that the best thing they can do for their child suffering from alcoholism or addiction is to do absolutely nothing.He has heard people share in meetings that they never got anywhere in their recovery until their parents stopped completely.
Recently my boundaries were tested once again and I was able to say no to the plea for financial assistance.After the storm had passed he wrote the following and I share it with you today with his permission.
Keep me barely floating and I will learn to swim.
Prop me up and I may learn to stand....
Give me a push and I may learn to walk....
And then run and cry and laugh and maybe even live but remember none of it starts until you let go and barely keep me floating.
I love you more for making me do it alone than for any of the help I have ever gotten from you.This will happen, I will fix it alone or with help but I will do this. The task is mine, the work is mine and the reward will be mine as well.
Today I treasure gems like this and hold onto them tight for they along with my Higher Power are the things that get me through the tough times in my life.
I love to read stories like this...........backing off.........letting him learn from consequences....ya see??? they Know it....
folks who are always rescued and enabled oh yea, they may take advantage of it, but really deep in side i think they resent the rescuer b/c deep in their hearts they know that the implication is "well--- your not capable of anything so i gotta save you AGAIN"..........so they are rendered powerless to live and learn in their own life....
the rescuer is resentful and so is the rescuee.....NOONE wins...........
you did GREAT.....backing off.....letting him work out what HE is capable of working out........
my drunken mom wanted to be enabled too........I just QUIT one day..........i told her "your on your own.........its not my problem"................now the only time i made an exception was when she caught pneumonia and was incapacitated......yea, i helped her with her hygiene and i made meals for her......gave her her meds b/c she was soo ill and i didn't trust her to , in her feverish state, to not take 2 of 1 pill and /or forget or do too much.........so yea, i helped her until she was ABLE to take over and take care of her SELF.........
GREAT JOB
Your son is very lucky to have a mom who by letting him take responsibility most likely saved his life........
I concur with the above posts. Especially Christy who wrote: "He should consider his own entry with his poem." He has writing talent like his mom! Keep up the good work!
Overcome
-- Edited by Overcome on Monday 22nd of June 2009 06:25:35 AM
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
"I knew then, that I had to turn loose of my son because I was never going to get anywhere in my program dragging him along behind me, and he was never going to get anywhere with me riding on his back."
That is a gem!!!!
I am requesting permission to borrow that ...
Congratulations Barb!!!
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
glad lee you have my permission to use anything that you may find helpful.
You all have been so wonderful in your responses and I do appreciate it very much. It's not very often that I get to come to the board with good news instead of a cry of desperation. It definitely is a good feeling.
Barb
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
