The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reading the quote about "I can throw a fit; I can throw all the dishes," and I remembered a time decades ago when AH (and I didn't even realize it then) peeved me off, so to speak, one morning as I was unloading the dishes. He had broken a parfait glass that had been a wedding present and I was sad and he blamed ME because it was sitting on the kitchen counter. I didn't like the dishes we had--some were broken, no longer a full set. So I started pitching them across the kitchen. (I do realize that was pretty childish, OK?) And because he had pitched baseball, and was very good at it, he just started fielding them. I think we ended up laughing.
Today is a good day; now DDH, back from being gone for a week and in a good place (something to do with being away from me? Hmmm?) and we opened our 50th wedding anniversary present from our daughter and the card. She had hand written it, because they don't make Golden Wedding Anniversary cards for people like us. She wrote:
Mama and Daddy,
Happy 50th Anniversary!!!! This is a very unique greeting--There isn't anyone else I know who is going to be getting it from me. Congratulations for sticking it out. The virtues required for such a feat are Herculean and quite admirable. I'm very (underlined) proud of you two. xo, (Daughter)
And I thought we had just stayed together because of the cats. Or lack of initiative on both our parts. We have come up with a lot of rationales over the years. I am thankful to my God for a good day. We have had a lot of them. We have had good years, even, and I pray we get many more good days as I get myself straightened out. Hope springeth, you know?
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Rosie, You are so sweet and supportive. I hope you can feel it coming back at you in waves. Better than that, I hope you feel it bubbling up inside you. (((((((((((((Rosie)))))))))))
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Aloha Temple...So grateful for that share. So human and humorous. 50th wedding anniversary? beyond my wildest imagination!! If I put all 3 of mind together they won't come up to 50 I'd have to live just short of 80 years old. Funny I feel that old right now. LOL
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! That's just awesome. I see nothing wrong staying together because of the cats. I would do that too! Tim and I may not have a long time together but it was a heck of a love story that spanned 20+ years. I don't regret a moment of it, including the really horrible times. So your 50 years are huge!
I am smiling from ear to ear just picturing the two of you breaking the dishes. Boy what a stress relief that would be. I should go to the dollar store and buy some just to break. Now remember calories don't count on your anniversary week, so go ahead and indulge. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You are all so sweet to reply. I'm not saying it's been a totally good idea, except to give some stability to the daughter and grandchildren. And cats. Late winter it was so stressful and I thought I may have to leave before the big 50. I'm in a better place now, thanks to all of you and this group, so maybe it will get way better. I graduated highschool with a class of 66. I married out of the group, but five other couples from my class who married each other have or will shortly celebrate their 50th. None of our parents ever divorced. We just had this mindset. And husband is an Engineer and somebody explained to me a long time ago that they don't think outside the box; they just work with what is in front of them. I told DDH yesterday that I had told the daughrer I hope we can keep it together, but I have to have some boundaries. He said something to the effect that I give him some hard times now and then as well. And I said, "But you will never have the initiative to leave." And he agreed. And we laughed. He's the one who has always had a good job, and functioned very well in it. I'm the one who gets peeved off after 30 months at the most and quits (and I always had that luxury, thanks to him.) Also, early in my attempts at getting some good headshrinking, I read that if you don't get yourself straightened out, and you leave the first one and remarry, you will probably get somebody worse. And since I never got that little chore taken care of, I was afraid to go. I know if you are REALLY straightened out, you don't even need to remarry. (See Rosie's post.) Jerry, I know you have grown more in your 30 years of patchwork than I have in my 50 years of resentment (at times) Sometimes I think that is why we feel so young--we never matured. Abbyall, congratulations! And for your good, clear take on the whole thing. Karilynn, I am so happy to have a post from you and Pipers Kitty. That is a darling kitty name. I have so many cute kitty names saved up and then when another one comes along, it usually gets a different one. Hope I live long enough to use all the good ones. I'll PM you my partial list, sometime.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
That's just awesome. I see nothing wrong staying together because of the cats. I would do that too! 
Tim and I may not have a long time together but it was a heck of a love story that spanned 20+ years. I don't regret a moment of it, including the really horrible times. So your 50 years are huge! 
Much love and blessings to you and your family.