The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As it is fathers day, I invited my AB up for a meal with me and our son. When I asked him to come up, he said as long as we can eat at 1pm. I said it would probably be nearer 2pm as my mother would be going to church and 1pm would be too early for her. He said fine as long as he could be away for 3pm. Personally I found this a bit ungrateful as I cant see what would be more important that spending fathers day with his 7 year old son. Anyway..........
He met this woman a few weeks ago who has motorbike for sale. They exchanged numbers and have been keeping in contact about it. Fair enough. In a drunken haze the other weekend he phoned me up and started telling me how great she is and she's everything i'm not and he was going to pursue things with her. At the time I let it go, i've learnt over the years to never listen to what a drunk person says. He got a text from her on Tuesday night asking if he would like a test run. Again fair enough. He's a bike fanatic and I would never try to deny him contact / friendship within the bikng community. anyway...........
Got a phonecall this morning asking if we could eat at 3pm. To me this was just getting beyond a joke so I asked him outright why the timescales (he doesnt really have any commitments outside his Mon-Fri 9-5 job.) He said he just wanted to go a run as usual on a Sunday. To cut a long story short, I put one and one together and realised he was taking this bike for a run. I am NOT the jealous or possesive type. I never ask him where he's going or who with or when he'll be back. Eventually he told me he WAS going to see her and had to meet within a timescale. I then asked him why he didnt tell me this in the first place, as he had given me the impression he was sneaking off to meet someone and it was a secret. He then turned it on ME saying if I didnt behaave the way I did then he would have been able to say straight out where he was going!! Pfffffff! If he had been straight in the first place and asked for lunch at 3pm becasue he had to go see the bike, everything would have been fine!. Argggggghhhh. Lunch is now off and my son is distraught. He also told me the woman had told him in her texts that she wasn't happy with her husband. Bit too much information for a simple transaction. Never mind the point that he actually doesn't have a penny to by the bike!!
Thanks for letting me rant and sorry I cant really contribute much to helping others. I guess I need to start going to meetings and looking again at step one.
At least you are seeing what he is doing instead of being in a state of denial. Yep, we are powerless over just about everything. It's even more difficult when they do stuff like this and it hurts our kids.
Meetings are a great idea!
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
you sound incredibly grounded and I commend you. I like your serenity and yeah, its good to vent because they are just downright bizarre and ridiculous. You kept your side of the street clean- spotless in fact- nice work! hugs, J.
pheww, reading that post back has really opened my eyes to the way things are. Now that i've calmed down, it really does sound petty - playground stuff, he said, she said , but thats generally the way life is at the moment. Thanks for the positive feedback. Something must be working in me as I havent even given him a thought since I wrote it. I have make a pledge to myself that I will NEVER shed another tear over his behaviour or torture myself by replaying his words over in my head. I've had to deal with a lot over the years (as we all have here) but one thing I cant stand is a liar. If he tells me to get stuffed and that he's going on a bender, I just say 'fine, away you go' but I so hate the feeling of being taken for a fool when I can clearly see what is going on in front of me. Thats a new thing.
I just want to say a big thank you for all the posts I have been reading on here, they have given me some hope.
And also regarding the post about what alcoholics and toddlers have in common. It made me laugh but it also made me think - toddlers can be taught and moulded how to live right but an alcoholic can never be changed by another person (esp us partners, spouses, children etc)
Needaway, I don't know which of us is newer, and Welcome. You said you don't feel as if you can reach out and help others. To my mind, you just did by telling your story. Sure helped me. I hope I'm that mature when I grow up. Hugs, Temple
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles