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As I recently posted I have sorta been seeing this guy- when I say seeing I mean hanging out some- going out on the lake and for drinks and to his house. He showers me with compliments and tells me how great and pretty I am. He texts me throughout the day, but usually sends me a text around 8 or so when he gets off work and asks if I am going out- as in we could meet up if so. Of course, I can rarely do this as I have a child. My friends have commented on how insecure and jealous he gets when out with me. he has even commented that he can't stop thinking of me. We slept together a couple of days ago. He texted me the next day, but I didn't return the text- sorta trying to step back. So I didn't talk to him. But, he sent me a text at like 11:30pm last night that ask what I was doing. Of course I was asleep. However, I got up at 2am to do something and noticed he had sent me a text. So I responded then with "gone to sleep early, work stress all week." Well, he sent me one back that said "BS! Oh, well whatever!" Of course that bothered me and I didn't respond. Today I sent a text about my air conditioner going out to everyone in my contact book on phone. He responded with sympathy, but I also did not text him back. I know this sounds silly, but I am weighing if his behavior is caused by insecurity as some suggest or just that he "is not that into me." I mean he doesn't ask me to dinner. He calls late for drinks. As I mentioned in an earlier post he has quite the rep as a "player". It's just that when he is with me he seems so smitten. I guess I am answering my own question here, but just needed to put it out there to my friends. :)
I see in this post a big need to get w/sponsor....get out the steps and work them....what pain issue in your past has caused you to be drawn to this "red flags all over the place" guy......possessivness.....RUDE the "BS" text......insecurity......needing YOU to validate him??? meet his needs????
what are you planing to do for YOU???? what steps??? sponsor work?? meetings???? this program is here with its arms out wide for you....WALK into that embrace and take CARE of YOU....
You have a support system here which will back you up and encourage you to set boundaries on this guy and if he is acting like this now, WHAT would a marriage bring when best behaviour goes down the tubes...
thank God it is early and you can shut the gates/ set boundaries/ limits and take care of you
I see the red flags from over here....I hope you do
You guys went out, he treats you well. Friends tell you he seems insecure and jealous.
Then you sleep with him. But instead of feeling closer to him, his texts are ignored, and an excuse is used that you were busy.
Now to me this is a red flag,but on you. Where do you see he is insecure, if you knew that, what made you sleep with him? I sure would feel insecure if I slept with someone for the first time, and the next day was ignored!
(I have to put in here I would not do this without marriage)
So far it has been others who say he is a player, insecure, jealous. Where does this, "not into you come from?" You say he treats you well, acts smitten, is complementary towards you.
In my experience this is all very much a puzzle! debilyn
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 20th of June 2009 11:29:32 PM
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 20th of June 2009 11:30:29 PM
Then you sleep with him. But instead of feeling closer to him, his texts are ignored, and an excuse is used that you were busy. I sure would feel insecure if I slept with someone for the first time, and the next day was ignored!
(I have to put in here I would not do this without marriage)
So far it has been others who say he is a player, insecure, jealous. Where does this, "not into you come from?" You say he treats you well, acts smitten, is complementary towards you.
In my experience this is all very much a puzzle! debilyn
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 20th of June 2009 11:29:32 PM
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 20th of June 2009 11:30:29 PM
WOW!!! Debilyn, I am so glad you wrote this b/c I feel exactly the same way....I agree ...
Debilyn-----(I have to put in here I would not do this without marriage)
rosie--------(Me either---get into the head and heart----get commitment FIRST).....
Thanks guys. I have to think on this. I did decide last night to surrender. I guess I should clarify that the night we slept together- prior to we had discussed going on the boat the next day. He was going all day and I had talked about going after work. The next morning he talked about him, not referencing me, still going out on the boat that day- maybe he thought I would mention myself still going. I didn't say anything. Well, a big thunder storm came in around 4pm. He never called me about going on the boat still and I am so insecure of course that I never contacted him. THEN I get this text about 8:30pm that night asking what I am doing- which I ignore. I guess I am insecure because though he always acts like he wants to spend time with me- he never calls to actually ASK me to go out with him on an official date. It is like he just hints around to see what I am doing later, etc. I am trying to set boundaries and trying to find the right line here. I don't want to be treated disrespectfully by his expectation that I am always available to him, but I don't want to push him away either. For today I am surrendering to my Higher Power, knowing I have no control over his feelings or actions. I am just trying to figure out mine and where I go next. I appreciate your input and any more that you might be able to give on the subject. I also appreciate so much you all always being there for me. It is important to note that all my old posts for the past almost 3 years were about the A and his actions. I guess at least this post is about someone else! :)
Focsu on you. When I start obsessing about someone else, is when I need to focus on me - and not project or assume how someone else is feeling. I deal with the information given to me. If I texted a guy in the middle of the night & he said in response "oh well whatever - it's BS" I would think he was calling me a liar & that sort of junk drives me crazy. I deal very directly & honestly & confronting when necessary. A relationship is nothing without trust & if I felt I was not being trusted - it would make me think perhaps the other person might not be trustworthy. I dont know, just my 2 cents. Detach & focus on YOU.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
The sheer fact it's this early into the relationship and there already seems to be game playing, is a sign.
I'm also going to assume you may be a bit younger than me, but you both seem be doing a lot of texting, but not REAL communicating.
I didn't once hear you say you feel connected to him in some way. I realize this next generation is really into texting, but IMO there is such a loss of true intimacy.
Listen to your fears and if he really "is into you" then he would make you feel VERY secure.
it's torture analyzing every text, every word spoken or not spoken, every behavior of someone you're seeing. i haaaated doing that. and i hope to not fall into that again (or if i do, that i stop and realize what i'm doing and put it away).
you're going to be fine. take a step back, take a deep breath and be objective. look inside yourself and feel that you're worth more than a guy who won't ask you out on a proper date - only to hang out. ask for the world and you'll get it. if not from this dude then from someone else. you are worthwhile. you deserve it!
i text a lot, IM, i even twitter to friends. it can be an obstruction to real communication, but only if you don't actually pause and take time to have f2f conversations. i'm sure you will with someone who wants to communicate and connect back.
I definitely over analyzed every single call every moment together and thought a great deal about my relatonships. Personally I think its a good idea not to text in the early hours of the morning. Boundaries are hard to stick to. I hope you will think about them some more and start setting some bottom lines for yourself.
He did text an apology today. Yes, it was a text. :) Apparently he thought he was kidding. Anyway, I was proud of myself for not calling him to provoke an apology, etc. I am reevaluating my boundaries. Thank you so much for all the support and input!! It is so good to have this great group of true friends. :)
