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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Just sat down and gave myself permission to grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for the next few hours at least.
Post Info TOPIC: Just sat down and gave myself permission to grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for the next few hours at least.
Suzannah


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Just sat down and gave myself permission to grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for the next few hours at least.
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Gee family,

Rosie and tlc and wildthing,  you are so right, I am so good at beating myself up...still an area that I need to work on.  Progress not perfection is what matters.  I hear you. 

I am so very human and David you are right too, I made a comment, I spoke the truth, I got to the point of being sick of the nothing changes until something changes situation and I told "Fred" what others had repeatedly said to me over a period of years behind his back but not to his face.  Actually, he did not in the end prove that he deserved any of my support for he showed truly that he had no respect for me whatsoever.  And he certainly has no respect for my daughter and her three children.  He is utterly self absorbed.

As for the vulnerability Debilyn, yes this death has hurt real bad and I just could not take the flippant remark about R.I.P. "Fred" is so pathetic and he has had so much support from me and still he is a peter pan who wants his cake and to eat it and does not want responsibility.

I have no respect for a man who will have sex with a woman, get her pregnant and then not have the backbone to take up the role of father to the child he has created.  And I know I had just come to the point of, why should he not know how I feel as he is screwing up so many other lives too with his irresponsibility.

Marie, thank you for your prayers.  I am so in need of them. 

I am stepping right back from this situation.  Let my daughter and him sort it out.  Once and for all.  It seems like the whole thing about FINISHED, OVER is NOT finished or over it is simply another ride on the merry-go-round.

I am off the merry-go-round.  They can get on with it themselves.  However, I shall not be supporting HIM for he has no respect for me and I do not have any respect for him now.  Before I thought him brave and very special to take on my daughter and her three children....no no no, now I see he was using them and my daughters generous loving heart...yep she does have one...just does not show it to me often.  But she loved him and although her head is telling her she hated him, ect...her heart  is still in love with him and that is why, now it would appear,  that she has not come to the end of the journey with him as she said she had,.  She would appear that she is still vulnerable and will still allow the possibility of him to keep coming back only to walk out on her, her children and their baby again and again, because she has NOT accepted that she wants it over.

Me, well - I cannot take any more of the merry-go-round.  I will support my daughter in her pregnancy, and I will be there for her if she needs me before the birth and after but as far as her relationship with this peter pan, I don't want to know.  [Leastways, not for now or until something changes and I am not the one who can bring about that change, that is down to the two of them].

I am so grateful for being able to bring my troubles here and share them.  I know I have worked hard, and I have mastered many healthy changes in me...I just realised that there are still areas that I have not yet conquered.

Thank you. 

I just sat down and gave myself permission to cry and grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for an hour or two.  Just for the next few hours I am going to take care of me and support myself.

Rosie and tlc and wildthing, PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION, has become my slogan for the rest of the day.  I have just made myself a banner for my fridge to remind myself of the mistake I keep on making.  The sooner I let go of being a perfectionist the better.

relax.gif  chill  relax.gif   breathe   relax.gif  

Love
Suzannah
heart.gif

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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.

Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
rosielightshines


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RE: Just sat down and gave myself permission to grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for the next few hours at le
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WAY to Go Suzannah...

we can LOVE them (her, I mean)  but we cannot BE them...

yea, a dificult pregnancy to me is a *burden* (needs help)  not a *Load*  HER responsiblity and under her power

yea, there are times when we all need help beyond ourselves and if the other CAN give it?? they should....however the stuff they CAN take care of (relationship) is THEIR responsibility.....NOT yours NOT anyone but them...

GREAT work!!!  Hard, but it gets easier (detaching)

I am proud of you for deciding to do what you can---- TAKE LOVING CARE OF SUZANNAH......."S" needs you....

GREAT JOB!!!!!!   KUDOS!!!!!!

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Rosie in recovery one day at a time
Jerry F


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You go Suzannah!  Here's an extra (hug) or (((((hugs)))))) if you need them.



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Temple


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Suzannah,

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
Temple


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OOps, second attempt.
Suzannah, I think I am spelling that wrong.
My heart goes out to you. As hairy as it can be to deal with an AH, in whatever state, I think there is no pain like seeing one's child unhappy. And a child is, I think, harder to detach from that any other person.
I think you are very brave and I am glad you are going to do some taking care of you.
When my daughter is sideways, I just do donuts around her. She has gotten to the point, she says, that she hates to tell me anything because I always think it is my fault. She caught me on a good day and I told her it could be all about her that day, and I just listened and told her I was sorry she was hurting. I learned that reading on here. The last few times she's gotten terribly depressed, I have sent her Daddy to be with her. He has a good relationship with her and doesn't get broken down over her like I do.
I can't tell you anything except that I know it is hard and have said a prayer for you. When you get this all figured out, you can coach me, maybe.
God Bless.

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Just sat down and gave myself permission to grieve and let go of supporting anyone else for the next few hours at least.