The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Katy's topic heading triggered me to write this post. Isn't it funny how the program works. David's post triggered Katy's post which triggered mine!
Anyway, the reason for this post is my A and I are back together at least at some level. I haven't filed for divorce and am not going to right now. Just for Today!
I have questioned why I have gone back into this relationship when things are the same, and I have concluded I just don't have the answer to that. I love my alcoholic and want some type of relationship with him. I don't seem to be able to completely detach from him (divorce) so I must continue to "detach" from the dry drunk behaviors and enjoy him as he is.
He is still in my life, helping with things around the house, helping me with daughter, doing his part in some ways. I just have to accept that this is where I'm at Today and that it's Progress not Perfection. Maybe there is something that my HP wants me to learn from this relationship yet.
I just don't feel right by letting go, despite what has happened in the past. He is still a dry drunk and still has the 'isms, but I will work my program and maybe One Day at a Time I will figure out what my HP's will for me is and pray I can follow through on that, whatever it may be.
Thanks to my al-anon on-line family and my f2f group for being so patient with me during this time, and not judging my self-conflicting behaviors.
I just don't feel right by letting go, despite what has happened in the past. He is still a dry drunk and still has the 'isms, but I will work my program and maybe One Day at a Time I will figure out what my HP's will for me is and pray I can follow through on that, whatever it may be.
Thanks to my al-anon on-line family and my f2f group for being so patient with me during this time, and not judging my self-conflicting behaviors.
Java
######Java, noone had the right to pass judement on anyone...I for sure, have my OWN screwed up issues so who am I to judge
if your not feeling right about letting go then there perhaps may be more lessons for you to learn, who knows.....i am glad that you are gonna work on your program and take care of you.....We can *love* them but we cannot *be* them.....Hes gotta do his life...you gotta do yours......good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for soon.....
I think we do the same things over and over again, and eventually we learn not to exspect the same results, we learn acceptence of what really is, thats progress!
The first time I filed for divorce, I had the experience of going to a life-changing al-anon meeting, and I came home and cancelled everything, I knew I still wanted him in my life, and needed to work on myself. Unfortunately, he never stopped drinking, in fact, it escalated and his behaviors became very dangerous. I filed again, later in the year.
Although it didn't work out for us, I wish it could have. I'll always love the "good" in him.
When in doubt, don't. Your union together must still have purpose.
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I think we do the same things over and over again, and eventually we learn not to exspect the same results, we learn acceptence of what really is, thats progress!
Regards
Katy
x
yea and THEN and ONLY then, we can act/take care of us as INFORMED not emotional....nothing changes unless I CHANGE ME.....that is fact.....if i am stayin in a no win situation, its b/c of some old stuff in past that i have not reconcilled...usually its a self love or lack thereoff that is the root....or old patterns that just are hangin on......doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting anything diferent is insanity.....however each of us, at our own timing, has to see it when we are ready.....
Well you know I did exactly the same thing! I called it some good time. I did it until there was none anymore to glean.
YES use your skills, love him as is, and what I did was when the stupid disease came out said, oh its you, i would leave or go read or whatever! haha
Good for you!!! I think its cool when we get to that spot that we can do that. They are human and we do love them. I am very happy for you both for as long as it lasts!
(o: debilyn who wishes she could have some of that precious time
I can relate very much. I held onto the ex A until his dysfunctions totally outweighed his things he did. What I look at now is to look for red flags. I certanly accept people as they are but I set lots of limits. I hope you are able to set boundaries and keep to them. I find it very difficult around certain people.
