The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Florida you asked, "Why do they need to keep the family awake in the middle of the night?" They just think of themselves, they don't think about how it effects us. But you are doing a positive thing if you are going to the gym and doing something for you. Just remember that they are going to do, what they are going to do. Maybe next time you can just sleep and remember that "We can't cure them, we can't control them, and we can't change them." So we might as well take care of ourselves in whatever way that looks like. And if for you that's working out at the gym, then that's great!
I hear you. Its the disease. The disease knows its being disruptive, that is what the disease does. I hate it too. I reached a point where I would not sleep with him anymore. I got my own room/bed so he could come and go as he pleased and not bother my rest. My sleep is SO important. If I do not get enough, I get really cranky. hugs, J.
Florida you asked, "Why do they need to keep the family awake in the middle of the night?" They just think of themselves, they don't think about how it effects us.
Its called total disregard for others....total disregard for another's needs, boundaries, feelings...and it gets WORSE if they are not in recovery....I had to kick my brother out b/c of the same ole stuff.....My door is not open to a drinker or user....If he or my other, favorite brother get into help?? recovery?? WORK a program, I will support them but from a safe distance.....they would have to be in recovery for about 5 years for me to give them ANY trust and that aint going to happen...neither have intentions of recovery
my favorite one would call me up crying drunk in the middle of a work night....NOW i turn the cell off....let phone to to VM....I do not take his calls...I do not let HIS drinking and problems spill onto my life...when sober he asks me why I "dog him out" and I said this is YOUR stuff not mine and you are not going to shove YOUR misery onto me...I am not the drinker...i am not the boundary buster.....and I am not putting up with it.....he still tries to call...gets vm.....
NOONE is messin with my recovery, my peace, my well being, my serenity, and if boundaries are not observed?? then its "lock the gates....no entry"....I take care of me FIRST so i can be a better mom, sister, cousin, friend....I give my love/help when it is healthy and safe to do so for ME.....
alkies just have NO regard for another....its all about them and to bad if I don't like it...well, I am in recovery now and I value me and my rights...I respect other's boundaries....i am going to assert my boundaries....if they are repeatedly broken???? then the gates to my heart and life get locked.....plain and simple.....behave, respect and honour me and i am fine.....do the opposite and i am walkin and shutting the door behind me UNTIL i see major amends and serious recovery
I would never ever ever marry or even DATE another substance abuser......NOT worth it......I got me, my God, my friends/family to do stuff with....I don't need the pain/worry/hassle/chaos/drama/upheaval/broken trust/broken dreams in my life ever again.....
that is just me, please take what you can use and leave the rest.....
When I read the question, I thought, "Because they are alcoholics." Like Jean, I moved to another room because my long time Dry Drunk Husband wouldn't come to bed and I'd be listening for him. If I wasn't expecting him to come into the room, I could just go to bed and go to sleep. Like Rosie, I have very little tolerance for some drunk calling me in the middle of the night. The last time my friend from out of state did that, (partly my fault--he was suicidal, I felt, just from the amount of salt he put on his food, if nothing else and I'd told him he could call me if he felt like killing himself. I didn't say call if you are blotto and feeling chatty.) Anyway, the last time he did that, I got off the phone pretty soon and called him back at 7 in the morning, and said, all cheery, "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" He learned with one phone call. Sorry, Florida, I got off your topic there. I hope you choose to take care of yourself, whatever it takes.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
We can't control or fix others. But, we can control and fix us. If we allow ourselves to be controlled by our A's it is our own fault. Before Al-Anon I allowed myself to be taken in by this disease. I always reacted to the disease in all the wrong ways. I had to "unlearn" the ways I was dealing with the disease. I now have a complete set of Al-Anon tools in my "tool box" to deal with the disease. Do I forget to use them sometimes? Yes. Do I wish I had the tools 10 years ago? Absolutely. What is the value of the tools?-----------Priceless,------------------------ just like a good nights sleep.
Florida, you also have the tools to control and fix your situation. Don't have a second thought, take care of yourself first. You are important, you deserve it, and you can take the steps to correct it.
wow, I'm dealing with the exact same stuff from my "dry drunk" AH and I have NO IDEA how to set boundaries....example, he gets up at 4:00 to go to work. he is self employed so this is his choice. he is very loud usually, clangs knobs on the dressers, mutters under his breath...well this morning he was throwing an absolute FIT because he wanted to be at the gym at 5:00 and couldnt' find his sweat pants. Our five month old baby is in a crib in our room so its bad enough that he is disrupting by sleep but he usually ends up waking her as well then I can't get her back to sleep for awhile. This moring he was in and out of the room, looking for sweat pants because (unbeknownst to me) he can not run on treadmill without them or his shorts will fall down, and i think he definately thought it was my fault that they were gone and he thought I would get up out of bed and look for them and was very annoyed that I didnt' so I was trying the think of what you all would say to do but this is so new...I've always just tried to be nice to everyone and if this were my Mom I would hop up and help her look (of course my mom would never act like that). she after waking up the baby he left , first time ever didn't kiss me or say goodbye, I was really shocked to hear his truck pull away....so I texted him "good bye, I love you, have a nice day" which is what I usually say to him face and he didnt' text back but he came back a little while later and came and layed back down in bed and held me for awhile but never said anything about leaving like that, then left again at 7. later in the day he called and acted normal.....this is hard, and I dont' know what to do and I feel like I'm screwing things up by not doing them right. sigh, sorry to piggy back but its so familiar and I thought i was the only one being kept up at night....
