Hi Family

I was thinking about change last night.  I read a share from someone in another group about the way streams sometimes meander out of their beds and alter their paths.  As I was reading it, I was reminded of something my sponsor had me do probably in my first year in the program. I was describing my own inflexibility and my need for perfection. As an example I described how when I mow my yard I had a set pattern. I had figured out the most efficient way to mow it that would take the least number of passes and cause the least amount of backing, turning, etc.  And I mowed my yard the same way, with practically no deviation, every time.

My sponsor told me to start mowing it a different way every time I did it.  So I started doing that. To this day, 4+ yrs later, I try to mow it a little different every time.

I was telling this to a friend the other day. He told me that using a different pattern every time is the way you are supposed to mow grass. It is the best way keep the grass looking good and being healthy.

Wow. The more I think on now, the more I realize how the way I used to mow my grass was exactly the way I lived my life. I thought there was only one way to do it. One, best, most efficient way. And I tried to make the people in my life fit into that way.... my way. It was not out of arrogance that I did this, but out of ignorance. My over analytical mind would arrive at what it thought was the best course of action..and this became THE ONE AND ONLY acceptable course of action. To deviate from that course would mean inefficiency. I honestly just didn't understand that there could be more than one "right" way to do things.  And it goes beyond that.  It isn't that I didn't see that other people might have another way of doing something that was valid, it was just not the way I understood.  And I therefore either feared it or dismissed it out of just not wanting to be bothered by it.

My sponsor started breaking me of that with having me change up the way I mowed. Guess what? No matter which way I did it, the grass got cut. The difference in the time it took to mow the yard was insignificant. There was a benefit to it that I hadn't expected too. It made mowing the yard fun! Figuring out a new way to do it. Cutting patterns in the grass as I mowed away.  Being silly.  In the beginning I would smile the whole time.  The neighbors probably wondered what the heck I was up too!

I started doing a lot of things differently. Driving different routes to work. Going new places. Putting myself into new situations, just to see what would happen.

Meandering is living. Sometimes you wind up taking a little more time to do something. Sometimes you even might have to back up and try a whole new direction if you find yourself wandering into a dead end. The thing is, its all okay. Enjoying the moment, where ever I am, whatever I am doing that is what I aspire to now. And there is always the possibility of learning something new, meeting someone new, seeing and feeling something new, when I do a little meandering.

Thanks to my sponsor and to my Al-Anon family for letting me know there isn't only one right way to live. And that variety really can be the spice of life.

Yours in Recovery,

David