The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter went to divorce court today for the finalization of the divorce. She went without an attorney to represent her. She gets $1,000.00 a month for a year. Plus she said she gets to keep her medical coverage. I really think she told me that so I would not go off and have a fit of some sort.
Her ex has plenty of money. He is a pilot, lives on an 80 acre ranch with 3 gas wells. He got off very light. But he will have to own up to that, if not in this life, the next one.
So, now Jenn is single. No job. Has had a stroke and is blind in her left eye. She was bawling her heart out and now so am I. I am praying to God, which is my HP to help her.
My heart is broken for her because she still believes that she loves him.
I am going to make another pot of coffee and drink as much as I want!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Divorce is a very hard thing to go through and I am sorry to hear about your daughter's predicament with the stroke and being blind in one eye. Her HP will guide her and you might tell her gratitude lists help. She can be thankful she is getting $1000 a month for a year. My husband only pays $230 a month child support, I get no alimony and neither of us has insurance. It's a sad situation when a father can't provide medical coverage for his child.
On a more positive note: she has her whole life ahead of her and can make new and exciting discoveries about herself and what she wants in life. Tell her to go for the gold and live life to the fullest. We only get one time around. We can't change the past we can only live in the present.
Take what you can use and leave the rest.
Java
-- Edited by java on Tuesday 16th of June 2009 11:36:36 AM
Watching our children hurt is the worst feeling in the world. But, Java is right. She can know, go on, and may be even find love again. Enjoy you coffee!! :)
__________________
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
So sorry for your pain, It is tough in times like these, and thank goodness for these boards... They help me keep focus, on me, and remind me of my Serenity Prayer in times of need...
I am in agreement with Java... If you only think negitive thoughts, you will only get negitive feedback, If it were me, I would just try and remember my blessings, and let the past were it lie, and do what I could to move forward...
I remember my mom after her divorce, she couldn't listen to a sad song, or mention his name, because she did of course still love him...They had been together for 14years... It is only time, that can heal that pain, and once your daughter can focus on what she wants, maybe then she will see what she is really worth, and see her chance to start over...As will you.... I will keep you both in my prayers..
My family, tho full of disfunction are Very Close...We always leave the door open, but at times have to know when to step back, and take care of our selves in order to watch them grow... That is a tough one for me, since I am the middle child, and feel like it is somehow my duty to make it all right... Do your best to stay in the Now.. and Go One Day (Or Moment) at A Time...
And girl if you want Coffee... Have all you wont, your a big girl now :) and the choice is yours :) May have to join ya in a cup myself... ;)
My heart absolutely hurts for you.....PLEASE hang onto us....We will get ya past this.......Husband will face to face what he sows, he shall reap...It is out of our hands, what another does.....
I told her almost the exact words you all gave me. I told her, that perhaps she does not want to hear this now, but there is someone out there who will treat her as the princess she is. I told her that all she has to do is look at me.
I was married to a very physically and verbal abusive man for 12 years. I finally got the strength(and a gut full) and pulled myself up and divorced him. Two years later, I met my current husband. He is the complete opposite of my ex. He treats me like a princess(although, I am not one, in his eyes I am). I told her to never give up on herself.
She will be fine. It will just take time. Thanks everyone for your response.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I try to remember that when things seem to be at their worst, like the bottom has fallen out ~ it is the perfect opportunity to build back up again. In other words, it is easier to make huge changes when we feel everything has crumbled... I have to break down to rebuild. I know it's hard to turn it around but it really is a very hopeful time... if she's willing & honest she will do it.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
. If you only think negitive thoughts, you will only get negitive feedback, If it were me, I would just try and remember my blessings, and let the past were it lie, and do what I could to move forward...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Clara))))))))))))))))))))))))) I like what jozie said.....there is nothing either of you can do, however daughter can get into recovery, make a new life for herself and turn it around IF she wants to and IF she is honest with herself and willing to make the changes......
i would drag out the grateful list b/c i seem to draw more to be grateful for when i do that..its like the universe really sends me what i put out in my actions...words....thoughts.....
things may look bad now, but she can start anew if she wants to.....SHE has to make the choice....all you can do is love her and let her live her life.....holding her up prevents her from taking charge of her life and making the changes she needs to get into recovery and make changes she needs to make.....IF she absolutely cannot do something, then yea, we are supposed to help others with a *burden* but not their *load* as i can carry my *load* but I may need help w /those big, crushing *burdens* which are over my limit......i try to back off and let one take responsibility for the things they CAN do.....that way they accept responsibility for their lives....
its hard, i know, but i had to let my "T" go and hopefully she will be broken down enough to *BEGIN AGAIN*....enabling her was not helping her and i did it for so long...its hard to stop...but their only hope for recovery is to SEE that, yea, life stinks, i need help....
I'm not sure how long your daughter was married for. Generally alimony only comes into play when someone has been married for quite a while. If your daughter is disabled she certainly qualifies for disabilty and should look for it. Indeed she probably also qualifies for many low income health plans many county hospitals have. There is no question she will not be denied care. I know that you urged her to seek public assistance for her divorce. I also know for me personally I had to hit many many bottoms before I was willing to seek recovery.
I also know that I felt love for many people who were abusive to me when I was boundaryless. Having boundaries has stopped that. There is no question your daughter can seek out recovery on many many levels when she wants to.
I appreciate you feel sad for her. Life can be very very difficult and sometimes it seems like everything is against us then things change.
The end of a relationship is always hard. I am glad he did not get off scott free. Her medical coverage is important. She'll be okay. Allow her to mourn her relationship that will help. All you can do is let her go through it and find her way out of it. This can be a new beginning for both of you. Try and think not of what he should be paying her, but what he is giving her: medical coverage, $1000 a month. To some it may not seem like a lot, but it is something. I'm not saying put this guy on a pedastal. Just try and make the negative into something positive. Allowing negative feelings to foster will only cause you more grief. No one needs that in thier life. All will be well. Just try and stay as positive as you can. I know it's hard. Hug Bonnie Lou for me. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
