The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some time ago I posted about the father A's desire to get me to get him on my insurance as a named driver. I refused and explained to him why it would not be good for me. He is still annoyed, despite the fact that he has got insurance now in his own name, owns his own car and is legal. I am proud that I stood to my guns though.
I have been reading the posts and they have been helpful, though I sense some conflicts in some and this makes me sad. I do think the steps are important and they are difficult at times but they are what is keeping me sane and on track at the moment because I love to live in those castles in the air.
My dogs and cats are fine. I now have four, I took my step mother's dog after she died, best decision I ever made, she stops the cats from fighting, loves me intensely and is a real esteem raiser, my father was so horrible to her that when he visited to collect my son last week, it was really traumatic for her and she hid behind my legs, I think she thought, "oh no, I've got to go back there", I thoroughly identify, and I hope I never have to go back to the dark places which are all about them with nothing about me because they suck you into that until there is nothing of you left. Thanks for all, I am now trying to finish up my thesis, actually writing it, still researching but doing my best.
I too had that same deal in a sense with my "Now Deseased" AFather about 2 years ago, he wanted me to co-sign for him a Van, and I refused him, and he was Very Ticked at me for some time.. I took it I think harder then he did, for in my mind, I thought the parent was to care for the Child, not the other way around... After not speaking to me for a short while, about a month or so, He LOST HIS JOB... Which would have Then Made ME Responsibile for he never worked again after that...I am Glad that I stood up to him, for Honestly I didn't think I had it in me :)
Good for you for doing the same... Its tough sometimes I guess that is why it is "Tough Love"
As for the Critters... I have (4) myself... (3) Very Spoiled Bostons, and (1) Kitty Maude that just turned 15 this year... They are my life line when I have nothing left to give, they refuel me into the next moment when all I need is some love... :)
I had this "adoptive" daughter, 30 years old..thought we were close.....She wanted me to co-sign for this house she was buying.....i said "no..i cannot commit financially to that, i am on fixed income....sorry, but NO, i will NOT co-sign for anyone"
she kicked me to the curb...got mad and kicked me to the curb....later i heard she lost her job and her husband moved out on her and she is sooo irresponsible, but i have DETACHED......she wants to kick me to the curb???? fine...I'll keep my credit and what i have worked so hard for
i agree...NO insurance......NO co-signing for an A or ANYone I would not do it for...then its on ME if they screw up.......I will help anyone I can but WITHIN my LIMITS......i no longer give till it hurts me....
i put MY needs first and IF i can SAFELY and I say again, SAFELY help another??? great, i am there......but i take care of ME first and i find, in doing so, that i can share my love BETTER and more healthy w/others.....
