So WHAT am I still doing there???? - Al-Anon Family Group

rosielightshines · ~*Service Worker*~

So WHAT am I still doing there????

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Rosie))))) I believe you are still there because it exercises your skills and it
helps you afford your life style. Simple. It's your will not your HP's and while you
have needs and concerns so does everyone else around you. If you've got to
fight to get your expectations (way) met then maybe steps 2 and 3 needs to
be worked looking at the reflection in the mirror. 2 says "...lead me to sanity."
and 3; "...my life and my will..."   It's not about the alcoholic or the boss or
the bosses son or anyone other than Rosie.   Here's an entirely different angle
at the picture, almost 180 degrees out. "HP/God I express my gratitude for
the work I have and the pay I get. I am grateful too for those I work with and
all that they know and do that I don't or don't have to. Have compassion on
with and for them when they seem to falter as you do with me when I stumble
too and teach us acceptance of all others when they seem hardest to love as
you do with me.  Regardless of whose will seems most dominant; Thy will be
done".    There are many others I have been taught and that I use in whole
or in part to keep me centered as I start to drift off center and into trouble.

Once in a conversation with my HP I asked if what I was doing for a living
met with my HP's will. My HP responded..."It isn't so much what you do that
concerns me; that is your choice.   How you do it is what I care about."
No further questions about it ever. I got the message.

There are tons of solutions in our literature...ODAAT, Courage to Change, Hope
for Today, How Al-Anon Works; etc. We have more tools than most it's almost
like the alcoholic and others are at a disadvantage.

Thanks for letting me share and (((((hugs))))) smile

rosielightshines · ~*Service Worker*~

You know, Jerry, Its funny...I have no resentment towards these people...and yea, I DO say "thank you HP for this income"....HOWEVER....at WHAT point is it non healthy for me???

I am going to LET GO....LET GOD....and yea, step 2....HP can bring me/restore me to sanity....

Got a bunch of resumes out and I am teaching these 3 nice guys quickbooks navigation and they are very interested in hiring me PT, permanent..

So I will know a lot more after next week...as to do I walk in and just say to them "hey this is not working for me, and I feel like I cannot produce the way things are, so I am giving you notice"

It is affecting my job....I see myself really afraid to do anything wrong b/c they are LOOKING for stuff........Lord help me if I DO mess up....that is not healthy....I have to think........What is the healthiest thing for me to do????

and I do say to HP....."THY will, not mine, be done" HOWEVER, HP does not expect me to stay in toxic situations.....the bible, even, implores us to "remove ourselves" from stuff that hurts our growth or something like that..

I will "bide my time" wait till next week and maybe I can make a more informed decision......I may qualify for extended UI benefits from the old claim as I am UNDER employed and I could qualify for some benefits....so next week is going to tell me a lot of stuff.....like the guys I teach....the UI thing...got a notice from them, so I am going to look into that next week...

When I start "dreading" going in to work...wondering "oh what are they gonna pull on me today???".....its time to do some hard thinking......boundaries are not even observed in that place.....

thanks for the great esh

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey girl, if u only work two days a week, (probably feels like six) then what makes you not look for something else the other five days?

I can tell this eats you up. Yes these days if a person has a job/career I sure can see being apprehensive about just quitting. If ya did quit, and they ask what made ya leave your previous employer....it is not a good idea to say he was a jerk...(o:

SS? geez so are you over 62? If you are I am totally shocked! You seem way younger!

oh man I relate to the n behind people of colors back. rrrrr I went to a pignic in Cal. We all emailed each other on a list server. Anyway I heard the gal calling the person,my friend, white trash and how they should just feed her dog food, etc.

Not my kind of person I want in my life.

You know, it would be very difficult for me not to say,"I am not comfortable hearing the N word." Hey if someone is telling a dirty joke or prej joke I leave.

My aunt was griping about the way companies use Philipino people and Indians. She said, I want a WHITE person. I said I don't care what color they are, I just want them to know what they are doing.

Made me completely lose all respect for her and do not talk to her at all now.So I can imagine how it eats ya up!

Maybe you could wear headphones. Or when they say something stupid put on some cute bunny or piggy ear muffs....hahaha

gads, I am sad you have to work with immature jerks.

Rosie once I was observing my student, who was in a wheel chair. thru a window on the door to the classroom. The principal asked what I was up to. I told him and he said,"They should just drop a rock on his head!" gads.

Another time I had asked for a desk. He tells me I can use his. I said well where would I sit? He tells me I can sit in his lap....oh geez/ I was young and did not know what to say!So I say to my BOSS, Merle you should not tak like that!

I was riding my bike five miles every morn before work, I was teaching sp ed. Once he says to me, you are really looking good. Well at the time I didn't think anything except how I did not notice I had changed. but in reality he was a perv.

sigh Ya know now that I think about it, you are in a very precarious position. These idiots could cook up something to get you into trouble.

When I read how you talk to them, I thought how you sound like the boss, the mature one.

I know me, would want to have another job first.

Am no help am I? As far as HP, for me I do the footwork and he brings the result.

That was how I found serenity. If the result was I was going to be homeless then I was and I would still be ok.

Keep coming here and letting it out. That helps big time.

You could always let a thousand crickets out in their office...lol some students did that to this jerk vp. lol lol

They also took the chairs out of MY huge 3 room into one, and put them up in the tree outside my classroom....

ha, love,debilyn

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

I struggle with my job/career also these days.
One of the things that helps is to see this as only a certain percentage of my life. HP takes up WAAY more room than this job does. The love (unconditional) of friends and family and HP takes up more space than that job. I look at it like a piece of a pie and that the job part is a smallish piece. I can choose how big of a piece its going to be, one day at a time. When I notice its getting too big, I visualize it getting smaller. This is one thing that works for me. I used to do this with my exAH also- shrink him down to size, visually.
Also, I see my job a temporary- I know I won't be there forever (thank God/HP). I know HP has bigger and better plans for me as he has had for me all along, one step and one day at a time. He will move me into something else when the time is right according to his clock, not my own. I trust that!
You are not alone. Jobs are weird and tough sometimes. All the dynamics, situations, cultures, ugh, its just so complicated. I like to keep it simple and can make it simple, just for me, just for today. Hugs, J.

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear RosieLight,
I'm a newbie, and for sure didn't think my first post would be giving MY feedback to one who has overcome so much. Pretty funny, now that I think about it.
I had some shaky beginnings--not nearly as horrible as yours were, but 'twil suffice. And I consider myself ambulatory PTSD (undiagnosed) for the little screams my Mother used to great affect the last few years of her life, as when she twisted her painful knee, or dropped jelly in her lap, for instance.
So consider what I say for what it's worth.
I pick my fights. I'm still here and it will be 50 years on Wednesday, with a 35 years dry drunk. I can say that for sure, because he is out of town and won't be back until next weekend. And I am on as good terms as I can be with my family, except for A/pothead nephew. Can't cope with him no matter what, because he will argue with a body even if they are trying to agree. Don't ever have to see him, so no problem.
And I have a couple of long term friends and some short term ones that help to make life good.
And I got to thinking when I read your post (which made me shaky in the tummy--can we say CoDependent?) about all the friends and jobs and therapists and dance instructors and massage therapists, etc. that I have walked away from because for whatever reason, it just wasn't working for me. I kind of have a "not on my side" feeling that I get with certain people or situations, and once I figure that out, what's the point, for me.
I'm not saying that if I can hang in this time in Al-Anon long enough to become serene that I won't decide to stick around longer in unpleasant places to build my character, learn the lesson, practice detachment, whatever. But until then I am taking care of myself the best way I know how and saving my limited energy for what really matters to me.
I feel so much appreciation for you and the other recovery giants on this board. I've learned so much in the three weeks I've been reading here. And I expect to keep learning as long as I live, so don't anybody be pointing out that aren't I a little old for this, or did I come on the short bus or what?
And everytime I see the white doggie I am happy cause I know it's going to be another great share from Rosie.
God Bless you All!
Temple

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, maybe I did come on the short bus.
I was being concrete when I got to the signature box and wasn't thinking that it was calling for a pithy sign-off line.
Come to think of it, "How do I sign here?" is a pretty good quote for me.
Thank God I still crack myself up, cause laughter is what gets me through, lots of days.
Temple

p.s. You'd have laughed, too, if you'd seen me wrestling with the birthdate box. I got the 3 in okay for the date, and clicked on Mar. for March, and was told that I had to input a valid date or leave it blank. I could have tried somebody else's birthday, I guess, but I'm kind of fond of mine because of the symmetry.

rosielightshines · ~*Service Worker*~

TEMPLE___________I'm not saying that if I can hang in this time in Al-Anon long enough to become serene that I won't decide to stick around longer in unpleasant places to build my character, learn the lesson, practice detachment, whatever. But until then I am taking care of myself the best way I know how and saving my limited energy for what really matters to me.
I feel so much appreciation for you and the other recovery giants on this board. I've learned so much in the three weeks I've been reading here. And I expect to keep learning as long as I live, so don't anybody be pointing out that aren't I a little old for this, or did I come on the short bus or what?
And everytime I see the white doggie I am happy cause I know it's going to be another great share from Rosie.
God Bless you All!
Temple

ROSIE____HEy Temple good to see you.....I am glad to see you here....and ya know???? I like this "stick around longer in unpleasant places to build my character...learn the lesson...practice detachment........"

I don't believe that God/HP wants us to NOT be "guarding our hearts"....I think "emotional distance" is only a temporary fix.....Leaving UNTIL there is better/ healtheir behavoiur.......This is not going to happen here....so its going to be one hurt after another unless i REMOVE me from the situation.....

It is up to me to keep things that NURTURE me INSIDE my fences and keep things that HARM me outside the fences.....

I am going to give this over.....THINK.....I will NOT burn my bridges, however, I see myself leaving....its is my spiritual duty to my self to *remove* me from harm, be it physical, mental or emotional.......

Thank you all for your nice shares on this......

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Good. I know I have no wisdom to give you. Just saying my tummy and I will feel a lot better when we know you are out of there.
Hugs,
Temple

rosielightshines · ~*Service Worker*~

awwwwww ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Temple)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) bless your heart for thinking of me

I may, if this teaching/meeting goes well, just go in on Fri and give notice...I'll give them 2 weeks CONTINGENT upon everyone behaves themselves and leave me alone (bully dad) AND if that is not observed???? I am outta here next week...

Gotta pray about it and see where I go from here....Got some resumes out...So doing all I can ....now its "toss it off" and let go

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