Hey MIP family, thought I would fill you in on my progress with divorce. My husband keeps trying to "reel" me back into the relationship, and I'll have to admit on a couple of occasions it has worked. Detaching from someone you've spent 4 years of your life with is hard.

After telling him I was going to file for divorce, he went on a five day camping trip to a swap meet some distance from here. He asked me to wish him luck when he left (swapping is how he makes his living) and when he got back he wanted me to "check him for ticks". Now I knew this was a ploy to get me back in bed with him, but I was missing him so bad at the time that I didn't care.

This episode led to others that just further broke down my resolve to keep the boundaries that I had set. So finally I asked him "what we were doing" and he said he thought we could "be friends with benefits" (bfb) as he called it! He had no intention of stopping me or not wanting me to go ahead with the divorce! He just wanted the fringe benefits!

That made me wake up to the manipulative behavior that he is so good at, so I told him I couldn't be his bfb, I was too emotionally attached, it had to be working on the relationship as a couple or nothing. He said nothing so I took that as a "preceed with the divorce" no fringe benefits! I told him this.

No later than I had told him this, did he come walking into my house one day while I was on-line in an al-anon meeting! Scared me half to death. He said he couldn't get ahold of me because my cell phone was turned off and I was on the computer and he wanted to "drop off his trash" (something that he is not going to be allowed to do in the future) and drop off my keys and garage door opener to the house. Someone else might want them, he said. He's always inferring that I am in a relationship with someone else, which I am not! So frustrating!

This guy will just not give up! After my restatement of my boundaries and no bfb, he sent me an email that we could have sex for my birthday (which is today, btw) and that would be my birthday present! How arogant is that! That he would think that I would want sex with him for a birthday present. I just emailed him back and restated my earlier boundary of no bfb, birthday no exception.

I'm doing better with my boundaries today, with him. But am afraid I will have trouble getting the information I need from him for an uncontested divorce. Maybe he will hand it over and manybe he won't. This waits to be seen.

I will keep you posted.
Thanks for listening,
Java