The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, him, the AHsober that I have been separated from for four years. Being separated was his idea. I cope. He helps everyone else first. Feels guilty if he doesn't. He doesn't think of his family. We had been getting together as a family on the 4th of July. He calls and says he wants to golf out of the state. I say you need to do what you want to do. I hang up and cry. Why doesn't he ever initiate something that we could do together with our sons? 3 sons and him. Doesn't that make a foursome in golf? These things never enter his mind. My family gets together frequently - he is always included. He never invites my to his family functions. I know I shouldn't ask why. I will make plans inspite of him. It still hurts. I work at not being resentful but it just is always all about him. Then when he actually does something helpful it is hard to accept it. My house was robbed last week. I didn't call him to tell him about it. Our son who is home from college was devastated because they took his stuff. My AHSober called and said how sorry he was. It means nothing because there is never any action. HALT I am tired. I need to turn this over to my HP. Thanks for listening.
Doesn't make it hurt less. All I can say is I am seriously glad you came onto the board and let it out. I know you feel alone. I am sitting here in a dark house alone. Am ok though. To think how you feel sitting there though is sad.
We need to feel it out, accept it. So how can we make you feel better? Have you ever gone into the chat room? It sure is helpful to make ya feel better.
Maybe by now you are zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hugs,debilyn
Nancy, So sorry to hear your house was robbed, that really screws with our sense of safety doesn't it? I'm sorry to hear that AH is not going to go with you on 4th of July function, but as you stated you can have fun without him, just detach. I know easier said than done.
I have been seperated from my dry drunk husband since February and I can't imagine being seperated 4 years! You have really stuck in there, but you have kids, so that makes a differnce, I don't.
Just hang in there and take care of you, you are worth it!
Nancy, I have learned from my ADaughter that you can never count on what they promise to do. So, therefore, the family makes plans and if she wants to join us, great; if not, that is fine too. Probably better because she always brings her drama with her. There is a big hole in my heart when she is not with us, but that is her loss.
I am sorry to hear you were robbed. That must give you a feeling of insecurity.
Hang in there and keep coming back here.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Nancy___I will make plans inspite of him. It still hurts. I work at not being resentful but it just is always all about him. Then when he actually does something helpful it is hard to accept it. My house was robbed last week. I didn't call him to tell him about it. Our son who is home from college was devastated because they took his stuff. My AHSober called and said how sorry he was. It means nothing because there is never any action. HALT I am tired. I need to turn this over to my HP. Thanks for listening.
Rosie____the "I work not to be resentful" the work will comlete WHEN you really really really give up the hidden *expectations* that this guy will be any diferent...i am reading that you still hold out hope that he will want to be w/you and kids.....or CARE....he does not CARE....once you really accept it that he cannot be capable of caring, then the resentment will go away....i know...when i am resentful, its b/c i am *expecting* someone to do/give what they CANNOT to me...it does not matter that is right and i have the moral right....its just accepting the FACTS.......you will be ok...you are feeling your feelings....that is ok....i would just keep giving the *expectations* and their resultant resentment over to my HP and KEEP leaving it till I don't care anymore....I can release....detach......let go.......move on.....
I, too, am sorry about your robbery. That must have been frightening.
My feels for your post today. It seems as though you are ready to move on, you are ready to be in a relationship with someone who's emotionally available to you. You may want to ask yourself why do you keep holding on. If you are always doing what you've always done, you are always going to be getting what you've always gotten. You have so much to give and you are sooooooo worth it.
love in recovery and in support always, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
The ex A who I was with always put me last so it seemed. I was always devastated. Eventually I stopped asking then I felt even more devastated. Detaching really helped me a great deal. I held on for a long long time with him.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hugs,debilyn
feels for your post today. It seems as though you are ready to move on, you are ready to be in a relationship with someone who's emotionally available to you. You may want to ask yourself why do you keep holding on. If you are always doing what you've always done, you are always going to be getting what you've always gotten. You have so much to give and you are sooooooo worth it.