The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello and Hugs, ugg... I just hung up with my A hubby. Today is his first day offshore and he works nights. His normal routine is wake up about 3pm, get moving and get working at 5pm. Well, he normally calls me everyday at 4ish. It's anxeity everyday. If he is going to call or no call. If he calls everything is normally okay. If he doesn't call by 4:15, i start to wonder. Should I call him or not. If I do call, he is sometime grouchy, running late or can't get a signal. If I don't call, he eventually calls and questions what I been up to and why I haven't called. So it's a touchy situation either way. Another thing is: I can't never tell if he is being grouchy, short, frustrated or what. I often sense his irratibality. I try to not take it personal, I try to not say anthing like...I'm gonna let you go because I can tell you have things going on or so on. I just don't know. I think it is something I need to talk to him about when he is home. Maybe write him a note explaing how it gives me anexity. I dunno. See, I called today...wish I would not have, thought about not calling. But didn't want to be questioned about this or that. UGGGHHH...i hate talking on the phone to him....he's hard enough to understand in person let alone on the phone.
I call hubby every night and if he doesn't answer I get concerned. He doesn't really go and do much since he's there alone. My concern isn't that he's drinking, it's that he already had a slight stroke when he was 42 and has high blood pressure.
Most of the time he just went to the store or a drive. I did tell him I have a horrid image of him laying there unable to respond and I'd really like an emergency contact person. Not that I would call immediately, but if it was 24 hrs or something. So we solved that one.
Maybe you just need to make new arrangements with your hubby. Something that will work for both of you. If he's in a hurry ask him to just say so. "In a hurry, talk later..OK,bye!!". He can agree not to be short and you can agree not to feel slighted. You'll know he's OK and he can be on his way. As far as not getting a signal, there's probably no easy fix. Just accept it.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
i think i would sit down w/him and establish a "protocol" like when he is busy, make it short, etc....however both of you would have to be open and honest and STICK with what is agreed...
expressing my feelings is OK as long as I keep it on "I feel like xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx when you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....and how can we meet on common , mutual ground???"
that is what i think i would do.....not try and put too much into it. and when my ex was on base, i didn't call him every night....we talked when he called, that is how i knew he was free to talk......i don't think i would have wanted him to *expect* me to have to call each night..
the only thing i can do is keep focus on me and do my best within my limitations as human being....if that is not enough??? oh well
