The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I have been plugging along do quite well with detaching from the A- with a slip here or there. I have been seeing a therapist. While I still drink occasionally, I am learning to recognize my triggers, etc, and not go to excess. What is coming up now is my true insecurity. I have met a man that I knew way back in high school. We went back to his house post club. Didn't have sex with him- made out. He had this HUGE house and obviously materialistically very well. He invited me and a friend of mine out on a boat the next day and we went and had a great time. He was very attentitive to both my friend and me. He has called serveral times today. He has been a nice guy and a great friend, but as a love interest an admitted player. His last girl friend was 21. I am 33 as is he. I have a 4 yr old child. He is aware of this. I am enjoying myself and he is kind. I don't want to read too much into it and get hurt, but I also don't want to miss the moment and the fun I might have. I feel a little inferior as our socioeconomic differences and family set up, single mother status, etc. Just looking to my Alanon Family for some feedback.
I think that you've answered some of your own questions, maybe?
I think that something everyone has to learn in their own time, their own way -- is how to spot (and avoid) red flags in potential relationships when they are present.
Just based on the small bit of information that you shared, it sounds to me like this guy knows how to treat a lady (assuming that the lady is up for some casual fun). But doesn't sound too interested in a permanent relationship or in a committed relationship.
And so -- my question for you is -- what perception do you have thus far regarding what his intentions might be?
If he is more interested in a casual affair, are you up to that?
Do you have to have your emotions deeply invested in each relationship -- or are you capable of just enjoying a few fun dates with him, just to enjoy yourselves and pass the time, expecting to move on at some point?
-- Edited by GlitterGirl on Monday 8th of June 2009 09:36:03 PM
One of the best things I learned about dating is to use some of the tools in the Program. Take it one day at a time. Dont project. Enjoy the now. Let go and Let God. And lastly, Happiness is an Inside Job.
When I use those tools, pretty much everything falls into place the way it should. If its meant to be, it will. If its not, then, well, you know the story.
Aloha Codependent...I never knew an accepted definition of "date" outside of a number in a block on the page of a month in a book called a calendar. Throwing relationships with others especially others of opposite gender and members of either Al-Anon or AA or the other programs was like tossing a handful of gravel into fresh, smooth, white paint. In early program "dating" was a mess and then I learned how to "date" myself by taking care of myself until I learned to love myself and feel whole and not lonely when I was alone with myself.
I work at turning these concerns over to my HP and following my value systems rather than doing it the way I use to before finding Al-Anon.
In early program "dating" was a mess and then I learned how to "date" myself by taking care of myself until I learned to love myself and feel whole and not lonely when I was alone with myself.
I work at turning these concerns over to my HP and following my value systems rather than doing it the way I use to before finding Al-Anon.
Oh I LOVE this!!!! I , now, "date" me, I take care of me, take me places, and I am in "learn about me mode"....and ya know?? yea, there are times I get kinda lonely, but its not like it used to be like this big *hole* in my spirit....I have my HP..My pets...My loving family and friends.....and yes..."following my value systems" .....
LOL. yes I love what Jerry said about dating himself 2- this is a really good concept for me. I am dating someone but I gotta date me just as much as date him- me and her, we gotta go on our own dates (wink)! hugs, J.
