The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First things first; daughter is doing the same. Her vision is no better, and better news, no worse. She will see the specialist Wednesday.
Anyway, she calls me this afternoon. I was at my al-anon meeting, which i needed badly. Hubby answerd the phone and told her where I was at. Her brightlent statement, "She needs to be careful. Those meetings can become addictive"!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she wanted to know how many I attend a week!!!!
Come on, come on. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of her. If she had said that me to, I would have gone off on her; stroke or no stroke!!! Afterall, she the reason I am attending these meetings. It was an OMG moment for sure.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
"She needs to be careful. Those meetings can become addictive"!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she wanted to know how many I attend a week!!!!
Afterall, she the reason I am attending these meetings. It was an OMG moment for sure.
LOLOL Clara you are sooo cute......yea, I am laughing WITH you not at you.....I had that thrown at me too....my A brother said, when i shut down our phone talk to go to meet, he said almost the same thing.....
i said "well ,yea, i would rather be addicted to this as it does not give me cirrosis of liver...it will not kill me...it will make me a better and healthier person (how dare i) and , worst of all...I will be FREE of this family dysfunction"........
he shut up...has not said a word to me SINCE......
I used to think I went to Al-Anon for the Alcoholic too Then I realize how much more I got out of it by going to them for myself. When I changed my attitude towards the meeting and those around me, everything seemed to change too.
Yep. J.R.....I go for ME!!! for MY recovery...My benefit.....too bad if my sicko dysfunctional siblings dont' like it and want to sabotage my moving towards mental and emotional and spiritual health
I over reacted to every single thing the ex A did. I have to work really really hard not to over react to other people in my life. I work at it really really hard. Over reaction is such a drain.
I started al anon because I could not work out what to do about my ex A. Eventually going was all about me. I no longer with the ex A but I still have many many issues I have to unravel.
Generally people don't answer the phone while they are in a meeting. I know I've worked hard in my life to stop being available 24/7.
I agree with you all. I go for myself, not my daughter. Without my face to face meetings and this wonderful message board, I could not cope with the things going on with my daughter.
She just does not realize the upheaveal she was wrecked on her family and the messed up relationships in her wake. That is why I am going; to learn how to take care of myself.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I go for myself, not my daughter. That is why I am going; to learn how to take care of myself.
AMEN AMEN and AMEN again.....You go girlfriend!!!!! I am so happy that you are dedicated to your meets and the program.....I'll tell U, LIFE in general, I don't know what I would do if I did not have my program and my HP.......I would be nuts!!!! LOL......
Learning to detach from the crappy unsolicited advice/comments that come from family takes practise but it's worth it. I think others get threatened when we begin to change, as we all know, A's want to keep the staus quo, they dont want us changing & not enabling them to use all they want.
But it is good for us too - to see how our unsolcited advice might feel to them. I also had to learn how to stop allowing my buttons to be pushed or for me to be reactive. I felt like a slave to my reactive feelings & I was essentially. I would talk myself through with logic, exploring my feelings & the reactions I wanted to act on. If I thought about it, I would usually see how my reacting to a situation wouldnt help me & it would sorta fuel them -- like they need any justifications/excuses!
The more I detach from them & MYOB & focus on me, the more serene I become.
I agree with Maresie... we are entitled to set boundaries & simply not answer the phone unless we want to & the timing is appropriate. I would see the cid & get angry & answer the phone anyway, even though Iknew I was in a reactive place & sure enough, I'd have an argument. All I have to do is listen to myself, give myself some respect (which was new) & I learned that saying "No" once in a while was my perrogative.
One of my fav acronyms is JADE - dont justify, argue, defend or explain. That was liberating for me ~ I dont have to answer every (demanding/accusing) question that is directed to me.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
