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Well, today I reacted. Something I have been doing very well avoiding. I get home from work and hubby is not home. (thats unusual sober,,,drinking..not so unusual). I call him. No answer. again, unusual sober, not so unusual drinking. Call again, no answer. OH WELL, that's it...i'm about to explode. Call a third time, he answers. I ask, is everything okay? He says yes. I ask where r u at? He says the store. I ask what store. He says the one by the house. (i'm suppose to be a mind reader). Then I just say what is on my mind....so, what u up to, who's house were you at? why do I have to pull teeth for you to be honest with me. He answers, ohhh i went to look at Chris's boat. Well that's it. Chris is a drinker and doesn't know about my husbands issues and not a good person for my a to be around. Then my husband says...i don't understand where all the frustration is coming from. I simply said...old habits...thats where. Five minutes later he pulls up in the drive way....and still hasn't come inside. Like he has something to hide. UGHHH...frustrates me. Sincerely, Tonya
When I catch me doing that???? its time for a meet......call or email one of my co-sponsors and the first 3 steps......I AM POWERLESS....HOW can I take care of ME???
I know....its hard....i have a ( i think) dry drunk bully boss at my 2 day job.....I take care of me...i do not react to his bullying, controlling......last fri, he asks me "well WHAT have you been doing while I was out???"....I looked at him, got the checkbook and said "THIS is what I was doing.......Is there a problem with my work????".....I took care of me....kept focus on me.....He is not goign to change.....I am floating my resume.....going to teach 3 brothers who to use quickbooks after I set up their company.....they expressed a very promising need for me when school starts.....I am going to take it if they offer........
when i let this bully boss get to me, i give my power over to him.....NOT gonna happen, but i have to practice it w/steps...meets....sponsor work....
hey you had a slip....no big deal!!!! we all do it......I just pick myself up....start over with my God and put it behind me......
i hope you don't beat you up over being a human.......
I reacted ? me thinks u over reacted . I understand your concern , eventually u have to let the past go and trust that he will stay sober all by himself as for his friend well we can't pick thier friends for them he is a big boy he will figure it out for himself . Calling and checking up I will never understand what could u do if he was out drinking , do drinking A's tell u the truth anyway NO they don't . they calmly sit and we look like a shrewwww there is definetly somthing wrong with this picture . Share your fears with your husb but remember they are your problem not his . and an amends for over reacting will solve the problem . Its not our job to keep them sober but we can help them by changing our attitudes sooner or later he will resent the fact that u don't trust him .
I was often absolutely overwhelmed with where the ex A was. I really had to work on detachment. My over involvement was really toxic to me. I would suggest reading Getting them Sober I think that might help you.
oh, i engage too. i haven't in a week (because he's been sober a week so far). just a week. he's in puerto rico this weekend to visit his mother. i took him to the airport this morning and expected to feel good and FREE that he was not with me this weekend. but i am not free and today is excruciating with anxiety. he volunteered that he wouldn't be drinking this weekend, but whatever, he's a liar and he will if he wants to...
yesterday was my birthday and he was fully present and engaging and we actually had a conversation that went deeper than tv schedules and didn't involve me crying about him being a hurtful drunk. on the one hand i want to hold on to that version of him and on the other, i just want to him to have moved out when he last threatened to.
