The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I'd come on the board and share my experience tonight.
I have been attending al-anon since september last year. I joined on the basis of me living with an a/bf for 10 years. Last week I realised that in actual fact my father is and a. Can any of you guys relate to not knowing this then finally realising? I also find it weird that I have no hard feeling against my dad tho can be very resentful towards my mother as due to the reacting to the alcoholic state I guess. My dad has never been violent,abusive or a day to day drink it's more a friday/sat thing that is ALWAYS done no matter what. I guess I possibly didn't see it as clearly as my partner was violent and abusive towards me. Now I see the disease affect people in different ways.
Al-anon program am so grateful to be able to use in my life now as I believe I've had a spiritual awakening. The start of a whole new way of living if I continue to use the program one day at a time.
I have been feeling a gap as of late since opening this door. I feel uncomfortable around my family due to me knowing this and they don't see it. I feel vulnerable with the new me more so now as I've now accepted I can help myself and that it not in my best interest to try force it onto my family. What I can do is use my program to enable me to grow which I can see already bounces off my family in a positive way. My mom has now passed on a positive book to me with no input from me whatsover. I'd never have dreamt my mom would pick up such a book. Amazing stuff.
The serenity prayer is my god send for now
I have started to accept the things I cannot change, have the courage change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
there is an aca board and lots of great people there. feel free to visit.
yea, there is this site and the aca site..for adult children of A's......My mom drank herself to death, but not b4 she caused a lot of harm....working program helped me to be able to forgive her as this pathetic creature who died rather than face herself and get into recovery.......this program teaches us how to take care of US.....DETACH from the alkie...we did not cause them to drink....we cannot control their self destructive behaviour, and we darn sure cannot cure it.........it is THEIR life...THEIR decision....all we can do is become self aware and love ourselves and treat ourselves accordingly.....
Thanks you guys for your direction. I'm there nowxxxx
yea, I go to both...I distanced from or divorced all my A's, and I am focusing on what I CAN change and that is ME....I have no desire to learn to live with an A....My way of living w/my brothers whom I love is to keep em at a distance...put a shelf life on how long and how much I want to talk with them.....Love em at a distance so they cannot get so close and in my face as to upset me.....it works for me....as to dating/marrying into it again!!!! NOT if you paid me a million bucks....I'll pray for them....Be kind to them, but I am DONE having them in my life......If I date.....I make sure up front that they pass my requirements or forget it.....
Yes, I can relate very much so with keeping distance I find this works for me with all of my close family members. I've used my higher power masses this week due to me falling into the try and fix the surrounding family as I now have this very strong awareness of the affects the disease has on their lives.
I need to nothing but let go and let god with love and compassion.
Thanks your post reminded me again of how this program is working for me.
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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
Yes I know the denial bit, my brother stayed with me for 8 months and I did not really spot all the sign, having been used to alcoholism all my life, it is cunning and baffling,
The issue of my two sisters not admitting the reality of our childhood has been huge for me. I have had to work through a lot of resentment grief and fear. I know that is hard going. If you feel uncomfortable around your family you can create some space there if you like.
There is definitely a correlation for me in coming from a very very dysfunctional abusive family and selecting alcoholics as mates. I lived with the last one for 7 years (my longest relationship).
I am glad you are here and working through this issue. I'm here to tell you it is well worth the trial.
