The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER. Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. t will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
Oh wow I knew I was codependent, but never realized all that was part of it. Thanks for sharing! I ordered the book during the time I moved and never happened to get it. I think Im going to figure out if they will resend or I will buy a new one.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
jean, thanks for the share. i see myself in it and i'm actively trying to own my happiness. today was a good day. i did things that i love doing on my own but as soon as he got home... i started trying to serve him, fix him, make him happy.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
Hey, I want to be clear that Melody Beatty wrote what I posted above, NOT me but it so suited me to a "t" I had to post it. I felt totally NAILED when I read it! It is something that I think I need to staple to my forehead or something...J.
I think for me realizing that when I hit a red flag in a relationship I over commit is very new. I thought I was setting limits instead I was over commiting.
