The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know and believe in my heart that A's do not have a choice. After so many years of Al Anon and being old....
No one would keep driving after killing a child when they drove drunk.
No one would choose to lose their loved ones, their job, their spiritual self, children, home,pets, family,friends, health, sanity. NO one.
No one would choose to relapse after a day of sobriety or ten years or more.
No one would choose after months of time in serious rehab to come out and use the next day.
NO one would choose to be in rehab, make some money, get a car, renew their respect, become a counselor for Serenity Lane, then do every drug they could find, then shooting up too much and dieing at their mothers home. He was 54.
Addicts are BORN with this horrible disease lurking in their genes. The whole thing of Alcoholics Anonymous Nar anon is admitting;
I AM POWERLESS.
I know my AH loves me and always has since we were 17. I was blessed to be with him when he was on a recovery program. We were two peas in a pod. We were brother and sister, mother and father, lovers, husband and wife. I have never experienced such a powerful love.
He would NEVER choose to lose his son,his home we bought together, his contractor license he worked so hard to get, his work van he saved for,his wife who would have died for him with no question, his dog who adored him, all his tools and more.
All the same he had a medical relapse, worked so hard to come back,only to be disappointed time and time again.
Cancer, diabetes, MS, any disease has its own symptoms. Addicts symptoms are selfishness, usually immoral, liars, manipulative, have no respect for authority, put no value on "things." having no control over their disease.
Your sweet daughter, you surely raised with lots of love, did not and does not choose to be an A.
Even though when we put them in rehab or make that choice for them, they learn. They get a few days of sobriety and hopefully clarity.
Even if they use the day after they get out, they still gained from it. Most all A's relapse, most all A's go to rehab many times!
They mean it when they say I want to stop! They mean it when they try. They mean it even if they relapse.
Being an addict, the drug is a longing forever, they cannot stop anymore than we can stop drinking water. They crave it, it is on their mind as soon as they open their eyes in the morning.And it always is.
A recovery program, may be, get up, choose to not use today, talk to hp plan the day,deviating is dangerous for an A, that is what makes them seem like they have tunnel vision. Part may be, think positive,pick the moral answer, smile at people, speak to them, ask them a question. comment on it.
drive safely, go to a meeting, come out of meeting thank hp for another day on recovery.Choose not to stop and use on the way home.
and on and on.
No one chooses suicide. When one does this, they are very very emotionally , and mentally sick. A broken heart is a horrible feeling, can make one insane.
Anyway this is my experience, my knowledge from years of watching my friends, research, personal experience with a very loving A who felt comfortable enough to tell me the truth and share many things about Aism and being an addict.
Whatever your passion is, that one thing that makes you,you, that thing you cannot and would not want to live with out, Sadly an A's passion is their drug.
thank you if you have read this far I tell you this because you love an A. There is nothing wrong with this. Your loved one is being kept prisoner in their own body by a horrible disease.
If we can detach, hate the disease and love the person,believe me it is so freeing.
Does not mean we can live with them or have them in our life. For me I keep this little place,deep inside me, that knows I am so in love with my A and that is ok.
Al Anon taught me how to go on with my life, and be ok without him and them.
I love you guys,debilyn
-- Edited by debilyn on Wednesday 3rd of June 2009 06:52:20 PM
Thanks Debilyn, Very powerful share. There is no doubt that I hate the disease and I truely love my A hubby. I'm still learning how to stay calm and not be angry. Sincerely, Tonya
GREAT share!!! You guys are really teaching me a lot about this !!!
I made the choice to be away from it..To leave what is unhealthy for me...My 2nd A was sweet to me...I still care about him, but would not want him back!!!
I guess with ptsd, I am "pained out" and actively do what I can to take care of me and stay away from or distance myself from unhealthy behaviour...I just cannot take any more pain and drama and chaos and abuse and being afraid and/or feeling bad about who I am..
Thanks for this educational post.....I choose to not live with it anymore...Those who choose to stay?? I pray for them!!!! and stay out of their business and decisions....We all gotta do what we gotta do
-- Edited by debilyn on Thursday 4th of June 2009 01:03:12 AM
Thank you for that, I wish I knew things like this long before it was all too late. My AH did choose to leave the wife who would have done anything for him and loved him very much, inspiute of the alcohol fueled man who came to live with us so often, who developed a real love for his children and who was totally loyal and much more...in return I got lies, deceit, cruel things said behind my back, threats to leave, manipulation for years, but i didnt know or recognise it. He Chose to lose his work van he had worked so hard to pay for, his tools he didnt care about including his workbench which belonged to a brother who died, it was all he had of him, his business as a reputable builder which he had worked hard to forge here, the wonderful home that he had mostly built with his own hands...his lovely dog who adored him.. his children scattered around the country and stability gone for at least one of them, to whom this was their sanctuary and had no regard for any of his things (gave most to charity and didnt want a thing from the house). Yes, put like that no-one would choose to do that...thank you again for that share, it helps me understand the disease whereas I cannot understand the man. Lilly
Thought provoking post, and to my understanding, it is that "element of choice" that separates the disease of addiction from others such as cancer, diabetes, etc....
Addicts DO have a choice to choose recovery - often times their addiction gets in the way of their clearly thinking through this, or believing that they do, or in wanting the 'immediate fix', but the bottom line, for me, is that addicts truly DO have a choice in beating this disease.
Just my take, and thanks for the post
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thought provoking post, and to my understanding, it is that "element of choice" that separates the disease of addiction from others such as cancer, diabetes, etc....
Addicts DO have a choice to choose recovery - often times their addiction gets in the way of their clearly thinking through this, or believing that they do, or in wanting the 'immediate fix', but the bottom line, for me, is that addicts truly DO have a choice in beating this disease.
Just my take, and thanks for the post
Tom
yea, Tom, I relate to what you are saying here.."element of choice that separates the disease of addiction from others such as cancer, diabetes, etc".........
This program is FREE...Breaking the addiction is the ultimate test of strength, and my heart BLEEDS for anyone stuck in this.....but with a Higher Power and this wonderful program it CAN be done!!! with DAILY maintenance it CAN be done (choosing recovery)......
I agree with you....I pray for these people b/c it must be a HORRENDOUS hurdle to get over..But they CAN *CHOOSE* to TRY, anyway!!! I am watching my beautiful brothers BOTH of them kill themselves with this curse!!!.
I am learning a LOT here, and this starting post was SO thought provoking, but I keep coming back to the "they DO have a choice in beating this disease".....
thanks Tom, I am glad I am not alone in "my take" on this.....
there are many times when I can see that the A's in my life have no choice. At the same time I'd have to say that I always felt I had absolutely no choice in the way I behaved around them. Al anon has shown me that I indeed do have many many choices. One of them is to have better boundaries.
!!!
full post (((((((Debilyn)))))))))),