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Thanks all for the Comments, I am most grateful for all of them, I did try out a couple, but just can't seem to get there... Went upstairs last night again, and tried my best just to be still..
"Which of course resorts to my son joining me for Fear I am sick"... I swear I think I have past all my "Worry's" on to him, he can not seem to stand to see me, "Taking a break" for he feels like I will die if i'm not OK... He is only 11, but he has witnessed loosing and lose some already... He lost one of his best friends 4 years ago, our Dog Keashia which he had ALL of his life up till then, then 3 years ago, he lost his Gr. Grandpa, Then a few of my relatives, and then last year Dad, "Aka..Pap Pap", So now if I am not busy... Doing something... He has fear... That scares me, for I think that is another reason why I don't just take a nap, or "Be Still"...
Anyway... Tried to just relax, couldn't get comfortable, tried reading a book, head started bobbing like a bobblehead, tried hand sew "for sometimes it relax's me" , didn't work, Tried sitting out on my deck, and well think that was just bad timing for the neighbors were out all around me... So I got out some "Daily's" figured they were short enough to comprehend, but with no luck there either...
I think what is driving me Nuts is just "Not Knowing" what the heck it is, what is bothering me, or not bothering me.. That is making me feel like Crap... I know part of it is not having sunshine, because every muscle/joint in my body hurts, we have had rain so long, I am sick of it...
Sorry to be whinning so much, just in a rut and can't seem to shift into another gear... Just for Today, I feel "Powerless" of ME...
Thanks for letting me Share... Love & Prayers Jozie
Sometimes we need to be in a slump before we can move into another level of recovery. I think we come into recovery believing that if we arent' moving at the 1,000mph pace of living in the insanity that we're used to, something's wrong, and that's not necessarily true. So, to me, it's normal to have some queit in recovery. I tink that the concern would be that if the quiet were accompanied by like not eating or something like that.
Being acoa & coming from so much chaos - I too didn't like it when things got still & quiet. It felt like things were just churning up, or like I was expecting & waiting for the chaos to ensue. Ive gone through these quiet times & kind of questioning how I felt and feeling the stillness (boring) and I decided to just accept it as part of the process, like Tiger said.
You & your son have been through a lot of losses. Since you've sort of elaborated here about how it seems like he gets nervous when you get still & quiet, I'd suggest you talk to him about it, saying that quiet time is reflective or mayve just still & quiet & we all need to shut down a little sometimes... into a good book or a movie or maybe into writing or artistic pursuits. I enoucrage you to talk to your son & get him to express himself. For him to know that being quiet does not mean anything but you are recharging. You are still in the grief process. I grieved my marriage for many years. You are grieving a life that totally empacted yours. Take your time & be gentle on yourself. I agree that there are slumps in recovery & every moment doesnt have to be exciting... it can be boring & still be perfectly "Ok" & right where you need to be.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Jozie...... Trust that you are right where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what or what not-lol, you are supposed to be doing. Living with A'ism all your life, you are merely "waiting for the other shoe to drop"....waiting for something bad to happen and bring the drama back into your life that has always been a part of it. Sometimes we have to trust that the worst of it is over, and it is ok to be happy, or sad, or still and drama free......You're just not sure what to do with yourself when all the A's in your life aren't pulling you in 20 different directions. RELAX and be still, or be sick, or be whatever YOU feel like you want to be today....It's all ok and it's all good.......YOU ARE FINE........
love ya shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
when i am down, like lately, LOL, I notice that I am between the old "ladder rung" and the next "new ladder rung"...Its like my leg is in the air, reaching up to the next rung and it is uncomfortable for a while....
I have been in kind of a slump too...I reach out for support and work on me...."this too shall pass"......Keep up taking care of you...that is what I am doing...
Put on some Mozart and write about the conflicting feelings. Over and over if you need to. I know it sounds goofy, but it's the one thing that finally shifted something for me.
Or, ask son to join you in some quiet time, and get some watercolors, and just put colors on paper. Doesn't matter if you don't paint anything - the point is you're spending time honoring your feelings in some way, any way. Of course this feels uncomfortable - you've never done it before!!!
