The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 20 year old daughter still lives at home with me. She will turn 21 this month. She is a good kid, holds down two jobs during the school year (she's a nanny for a school teacher-finished that job up last Friday), makes her car and insurance payments, and has her own horse she trained from scratch and cares for.
We've been through hell and back together, especially when she ran away at age 15, and ended up a ward of the state, eventually being placed in foster care for a year.
I never thought we'd see the end of the tunnel through that one, but we did, and today we have a good relationship.
I stay out of her stuff. She dabbles with alcohol on occasion, and has difficulty in relationships. Her man-picker is broken, but she's not ready to acknowledge that yet.
Saturday she said she needed to talk to me, and told me she had gotten an MIP (minor in possession) on Friday night when she had gone to a lake with a friend for someone's birthday party. She goes to court in a neighboring county later this month.
Not so long ago that would have sent me in a tailspin. I would have 'awfulized', cried, let that horrible fear settle over me that she's going to be an alcoholic for sure, desperately trying to figure out how I could save her from herself!
I don't do that anymore because I have continued to work a program of recovery for me, and that includes trusting that God has a plan for her too.
I thanked her for being honest with me, and told her with a smile I was glad she had the money to blow on court costs and fines, and that was the end of that!
I didn't give it a second thought.
We've talked. She knows the odds are stacked against her if she continues to dabble with alcohol. Both her father and I are recovering alcoholics.
She knows it's her problem to figure out how to manage finances now that she will have the added expense of court. No one else will be picking up the tab for court, or car payments, or insurance.
She also knows she can talk to me, and that's worth its weight in gold.
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
What a great post. You are working your program, and by doing so you are able to put your tailspins in your rearview mirror. How wonderful. It works if you work it, and your serenity stays in place.
yes, this is a great post for me at the moment, I especially like the 'awfulizing bit' I do that with my son who is addicted to cigarettes, he asked me to dump his nicotine today,I refused, I said that it was his own problem,had a good day instead of a bad one,
yes, this is a great post for me at the moment, I especially like the 'awfulizing bit' I do that with my son who is addicted to cigarettes, he asked me to dump his nicotine today,I refused, I said that it was his own problem,had a good day instead of a bad one,
Oh yea, i can relate to the "awfulizing"....I have to work on that ...but I see progress.....Yep, what another thinks/does is NOT my problem....Sure cuts down on the stress hey????
If its not broken don't fix it. Old timers make sooooo much sense now that I've sat and listened. Mahalo Nui DF. I pray she does the best with what you gave her. (((((hugs)))))
