The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came into al anon years ago before I could embrace it, I heard people talking at a face to face meeting about not dealing with a drunk. One of the people who lives in my house is an alcoholic. On his birthday this last week he made sure he felt sorry for himself. He got drunk and was all over the place. I've been there and done that with feeling angry and mad about it. This time I just absolutely ignored him. When I went by him (he was sitting in the back yard which is generally my territory), I was superficial but okay. I just out and out went out of my way not to get angry and not to be annoyed by him. Guess what it worked! I felt much better and could get on with things. I've spent years complaining about drunks. I had no idea I had the option to work this tool.
Keep in mind that this is someone who I live with but don't necessarily have to engage that much with. I am so grateful I got to practice this great tool.
That's great maresie, way to detach. I have found that if I work hard to ignore what annoys/irritates me & I can get away from even bothering to be annoyed in the first place... practising this excersize, seemed to allow it to work for me too.
I wasn't sure how I stopped allowing my buttons to be pushed but it feels like this was how it happened. Thanks for verbalizing that.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
That's what I always am in awe about, the choice thing. The actual discovery that I have choices was huge for me. For some reason I thought that I had to react however I reacted at whatever life through at me. It's awesome to realize that the choices we make can change everything. One single choice can set our lives in a whole new direction.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My 2nd A was a real drunkard....AT NIGHT.....It was so sad!!! HE was sweet to me, but essentially, I was "single" at night...SOME times we could go out w/o his getting so plastered I had to practically carry him to the car...
Most of the times, I just did stuff by myself...I learned that, yea, he is a paycheck...roommate...nice guy, but depend on him??? NO.....I was alone most of the time at night......
Finally , I looked at my life and I just asked myself....This guy COULD make the CHOICE to get into recovery....He is doing this , not even TRYING to get help...NOONE is sticking a gun to his head and saying "drink"....He CAN get help.....
I got up one day in May 2000 and told him "recovery or we are finished.....I want a real marriage with an equal partner who will get OLD with me or we are finished"......I got promises, but no AA meets and 12 steps, so we split...
I cried and mourned, but I know I made the right choice...his liver was already becoming enlarged from the drinking.....I had had enough....I can move about now in my house and watch tv w/o listening to him, drunk, talking to the tv and disturbing my watching the show....I can let the dogs "hang out" where ever they want w/o his bitching about I pay more attention to them....Well??? Who wants to be with a drunk???? Yea, I would get lonesome at times, but I dont hear anyone cussing out the tv, yelling because I am paying attention to the dogs, breaking wind and being gross because he is too plastered to notice......
He never abused me..Not verbally...Not physically....He abused himself!!! AND he was awol as a partner at night when he was not working and "time for drinking"......
I got tired of it....I now talk with God and I submit to his plan for me...IF there is noone out there healthy for me???? Its fine!!!! The Lord has filled that old hole in my soul that caused me to look outside of me and to other dysfunctional people to fill it......NOW if I "hook up" with someone it will be because we have mutual goals, ideals, spirituality, morals...A shot at making a life together........THIS time, if there is anyone in the plan , again, for me, I SHALL be "EVENLY yoked"......
I know the feeling of having to detach detach detach and "go around him" Boy I don't miss that now, as I grow in myself and the program....I have my lady friends to do stuff with....My cousin comes and visits a lot and we do stuff....I take myself out if I want to go....I don't feel funny at all "taking me out on a date"....At least I know I am being driven home by someone SOBER.....ME!!!!!
I pray for my 2nd exAH...I loved him dearly....I just knew that I was "UNevenly yoked" and that that relationship would never bring me the fulfillment that I so deserve......I pray he is OK....Last time I heard, he hooked up with a gal who enabled him to drink...I say "God bless" and I pray for him to find himself and love himself enough to get into recovery....That is all I can do......
I am finding my OWN way and its HEALTHY...IF I ever remarry, it will be God's plan...Not My plan!!! My will never worked for me...Its OK if I don't find a mate...Better alone then living w/all the drama and dysfunction and chaos and lack of peace!!!! ..Since I did step 3 and finally came to the place where I could embrace it, I am OK.... Either way, married or single I will be OK!!! Because I have learned how to take loving care of myself...
Let me say this is not someone I have an investment in. I like him when he isn't drunk but I have no thought of being close friends with him. I don't presume that I can apply this in the same way to someone close to me. My younger sister is an alcoholic. I find it extremely hard to let go when I'm around her. So this is baby steps.
