The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am still fairly new to alanon and dealing personally with somebody with addiction. My drug addict/ alcoholic fiance took me home to visit his family this week, and while there, he said he was going to work on his sobriety. Instead, he worked on getting high the entire time we were there, avoided his family, and left me to try to pretend everything was normal. I was so fed up with his behavior that I bought myself a plane ticket back home this morning, and I am now waiting in the airport for my plane to depart. He is still at his family's home.
He was sober the first 2 years of our relationship, and has been using for the past 2 months. He is on something constantly. I love him, but I don't want to wait around for him forever to get sober again. He lies and takes advantage of other people, including his family. Although he is always kind to me, his behavior disgusts me.
Should I leave him? Should I give him an ultimatum?
We urge you to give our program a try by getting to face to face meetings, listening, learning, sharing and working the steps. I dont personally feel that ultimatums work & they usually backfire for us. I think what u are doing right now is very good & the (perhaps) the beginning of getting some personal power back. You are taking space right now. I would think the best way to handle your A & make changes for you, is to begin to set some boundaries & establish that -- follow through & see how it goes. In time of doing that -- it became very clear what I would do next. I didnt makes drastic or lif ealtering decisions... as time went on & I got stronger & able to define my needs, I set boundaries to protect myself in situations & give me a plan to follow through on.
I do know that this disease is progressive & it will always get worse. In the beginning you may be only making excuses for him but it will get worse.
They say, wait 6 months or a year b4 making a life altering decision. The thing is, if you just sabatoge this relationship & dont work on you, it is likely you will only continue to attract what you are currently getting. It is worth it to work on you, now & change what you can. You have to be honest with yourself & the healing can begin.
Maybe you can take a little time for yourself & get some mental space for a few days. I hope you do & take in some meetings, get the pamphlets & study up on the disease & what u may be doing to contrubute through enabling. Focus on you, what you need & want for your life. Focus on you & learn to detach with love. As you do that, your decision or course of action will become clearer.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Yeah for making a decission to buy yourself a plane ticket . as to leave or stay that is up to you. Ultimatums they don't usually work always backfired for me .
