The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ever-texting exbf-A once again tried to get my attention this morning with an "I miss u" text.
Once again...I could have chosen to not respond...which would have prompted more texts.
Or, I could have text something about his new enabler girlfriend...which would have resulted in mean defensive replies...
But once again...I used my tools and asked a question. Today...I text back a simple "Why? Has something changed?"......no reply to that!
Funny how that works EVERY TIME!!!!
Deep in my heart the old co-dependant would love a reply to my question that read like this...
" Yes, things HAVE changed...I'm tired of being a drunk...I need help...I'm going to rehab...and then AA and then getting a sponsor...and I will try to be the man you and those kids deserve."
...but Actions not words right? The me, today, knows just to work on me and let his HP worry about him and that treacherous disease.
What a great start to my day...a true sense of confidence.
NewDay, It's wonderful how you answer a statement with a question. I think that's the best way to handle the texts, it allows you to "detach" and puts the ball back in his court. Thanks for sharing with us.
Good for You... and you are right... Actions Speak Soooo Much Louder then Words or Text for that matter... And I agree that they are only words till you place them in a place of action...
My Afather was that person as well... He would always tell me.. "I'll be up, I'll stop by this week, We will go shopping, We will go Fishing", and all they were was words and I knew from he moment that they flowed from his lips, it was nothing more then him telling me "What HE Thought, I wanted to Hear"... Little did he know... All I wanted was the action...
You hang in, and keep working your program, and you will get were you need to be... Sounds as tho you are doing just fine :) Good for you for paying it forward, and taking care of YOU and allowing his HP to take care of him... You show much strength in your choices :)
Hey newday - I used to play those text message mind games w/my exAH/bf too. Out of the blue he would text me something like, "hope you have a great day" or "thinking of how beautiful you are" or "missing you so much" or "I love you still and will never stop". I would respond with a "thank you" or "you too" or whatever I could come up with that would not make him mad or lead him on that we would get back together. Tough tough games. Be careful b/c I found even when that was our only communication, it still caused confusion and hurt for me. I'd think how sweet he was for saying those things. But then, just like a lot of situations I have with my son, when he wouldn't get the response he was hoping for, things would turn ugly and I would end up hurting even more. So just be careful.
My ever-texting exbf-A once again tried to get my attention this morning with an "I miss u" text.
Today...I text back a simple "Why? Has something changed?"......no reply to that!
F
For .Me?? When its OVER it is OVER...NO reply...NO response, however, if this made YOU feel better, GO for it!!!! I wouldn't reply any more, though....Keeping any dialogue open w/addict is open invite that he still can "mess w/you".....I find if I shut someone down completely like they don't exhist, it goes away faster......All in all you took care of YOU..THAT is good!!! Keep working program, and life shall be better.....
