The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been noticing lately that we get an awful lot of newbie post-ers, who post once or twice, and then we never hear from them again.... Always wondered about what may or may not have happened.... are they not ready for recovery, have they found something else, did they get offended or were we not the right fit for them??
Not likely any answers to these questions - just wondering out loud today...
Have a great Monday
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I've been noticing lately that we get an awful lot of newbie post-ers, who post once or twice, and then we never hear from them again.... Always wondered about what may or may not have happened.... are they not ready for recovery, have they found something else, did they get offended or were we not the right fit for them??
Not likely any answers to these questions - just wondering out loud today...
Have a great Monday
Tom
You know, Tom, I see that too and I just say "OK!!! Whatever and God bless"....I never lurked...I jumped in and never stopped swimming..I wanted recovery sooo bad, I was willing to be "put on the rack" if it meant recovery...To me??? I can't see ANYone on this board offending anyone.....I would guess that they are just not ready yet....
When the pain gets bad enough one will seek recovery....Till then??? I don't know....I had a high threshold for pain in the beginning...Now?? its way low now....
Some people don't want solutions they just wanna complain . or compare drunk storries . Just not ready yet , our f2f meetings are going thru the same things , they don't find the answers their looking for in the first hr so they don't come back . Thats why we in our area have a moment of silence to remember those who need to be here but aren't yet .
I notice this too, & sometimes I worry about it. Then I remember it's an opportunity for ME to practice MY program. Did I do what I could? If yes, then I need to give them the dignity of freedom to make their own choices, even when I disagree with them (this is still so hard...). If not, then I get to figure out what I could do or say differently another time.
I knew someone on another forum who took their own life. I had the usual "what could I have done/said?" thoughts. Then I realized - maybe I DID say the exact right thing - and they just weren't able to hear it, or they heard it and it didn't matter. It comes back to everybody having choices - even when I disagree with them, dang nab it.
I used to worry about that too, especially in my ftf meetings. I felt like any time someone new was there we had to have an "extra good" meeting. I have been around just long enough now to see it really doesn't have that much to do with the meeting or in this case the board.
It has everything to do with whether or not the new person is ready.
Our old friend haximon used to say, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear".
I see now great meeting, fair meeting doesn't matter, when someone walks through the door, or comes to this board for the first time, if they are ready the message will be heard.
Sometimes it takes many "passes through" before someone is ready.
Yours in Recovery,
David
-- Edited by david62 on Monday 25th of May 2009 02:33:10 PM
When I first came to al-anon, I was still in denial. I went to a few meetings, and then I'd stop. I had a really hard time accepting his alcoholism and committing myself to a regimen of "meetings." It was a big shift in thinking and I just had a much different dream for us. I desperately wanted to believe it was all going to be okay.
Maybe they'll circle around and come back like I did.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Some people don't want solutions they just wanna complain . or compare drunk storries . Just not ready yet , our f2f meetings are going thru the same things , they don't find the answers their looking for in the first hr so they don't come back . Thats why we in our area have a moment of silence to remember those who need to be here but aren't yet .
Oh yea, this is So right....Lots of boards and meets want to go through the same ole war stories...focusing on the problem with NO solution even in mind..Like they just want to complain.... yep...All we can do is lift them in prayer and LET GO
Hi Tom. I'm kind of one of those folks. I used to post a bit, but it has been nearly 2 years since I have. What happened? Well, for me -- it had nothing to do with anyone here at mip. While there was not really anyone that I felt close to, there were several folks whose posts seemed to speak to my needs (including yours) and others who I believe may have found use from my postings, and some where it was mutual. What I love about Al-Anon and this mip site is that we are all on our own time-table in our recovery --- or perhaps more accurately, it's probably HP's time-table. Mostly I had stuff going on in my life such that going on-line was not as easy an option for me as F2F mtgs and keeping up with my sponsor. To be honest, I was at a point in my recovery with Al-Anon and with my own health where I only had so much energy and I had to choose what I thought was best for me. A few months back I went to an Al Anon Speaker with my Sponsor -- it was in Poulsbo, WA -- not far from your neck of the woods. I'd moved from where I'd used to go to F2F mtgs -- but lots of Al-Anonics I'd previously been to mtgs with were at this Speaking event. It was like the prodigal child, or old home week in the best sense. Whether it had been a month or been a year since we'd seen or talked with each other, it was as if that period of time had collapsed into nothingness. God, I love Al-Anon. I've missed you all and hope you all are well. Each day I try and remember "Progress, not perfection" and to to put my will in HP's hands since it is truly HP's will in any case. Perhaps I've grown in a positive way in my program over the time I've been away from mip. I do believe that the time I was here earlier made a very positive difference in my life and recovery. And I thank you all for that. emma
For me in the beginning it was simply not getting the jargon of people here. When I was totally new to alanon I didn't know the slogans and that it was a program about me. The responses I got just sounds like they were out in "lala land" and had nothing to do with my problems.
It took getting to know people as people in the program, and seeing they weren't crazy and normal, to listen and learn.
It is easy to forget that newbies don't get a lot of slogans like Qtip and things like that.
When someone comes to alanon looking for tips and strategies for living with their alcholics and all they get is "let go and let god" it is hard to think that this program can help them.
Like someone else said, some people are not yet ready for alanon, but when they are ready, they will hear and know they are "home".
A wonderful gal said to me, "You have miracles coming,I know this for sure." Boy was she right.
Sometimes people come in and I 'feel" they want to work the program. Then they do.
I usually look to how they feel. I don't like just the slogan stuff either or just go to meetings.
That is important,but for me I need to give them a lifeline, some understanding of how we are alike, to make them feel at home.
Say a slogan but explain what that means exactly.
Like the let go one. ok it is drivng you crazy. Take a deep breath, feel it, do this three times. drop your elbows. relax, when that thing attempts to get you upset again, say everything is ok. Let it go, feel it going.
Sometimes I don't say much but let them know we care, as I don't know if they will come back!
Some want an immediate answer, well didn't we all?
good thought Tom. All I know is what makes me stay. I am in no way the same person who came here many years ago.
I think for some it might be also be an issue of safety. Perhaps they are afraid that if their A finds out what will happen to them. We've seen many posts over the years that involve a person's physical safety.
I know at first I was afraid of making a fool out of myself. I thought I had to have all the right answers. It took me a long time to get up the courage to speak at meetings. What if I don't make sense? What if I say the "wrong" thing? What if..... ? Well now I happily say what I want to say and need to say. If people think I'm foolish or whatever, that's okay. This is about my recovery. I have no problem calling myself THE HAPPY LUNATIC. If I'm gonna be crazy, I might as well be happy about it!
I've always said that answers come when we are most ready to receive them. So does recovery. Some just aren't ready. Hopefully they will be. So if they are out there just listening, hopefully the seed will be planted. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I think you just have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to a f2f meeting then things were ok and when it was really bad I went to another. Finally I left and thats when I found this board and it helped me become sane again. Well as sane as I can be anyway :D. I think a lot of times you are just desperate at the moment and eventually that desperation becomes your whole existence and that's when you dive in.
A friend of mine loved al anon. I tried some face to face meetings and did not like them. Then I started looking at my issues after a number of awful relationships. This Board has really appealed to me in ways some ftf groups don't.
For me, I decided it was time to find answers. I cannot even remember what I was searching for when I came across this site so many years ago. I read a few posts, reflected upon them and left the site. The next day I did the same thing. Then after a few days, someone posted something that spoke to me and I wanted to respond to it. So I registered.
I logged on every day. Read posts. Posted my own thoughts, feelings, experiences. MIP really helped me through some dark times in my life. Then one day I realized it wasn't so dark. The sun was shining. Every time I logged on and read through some posts, I found the clouds coming over me. I didn't want to be reminded of the dark times any more. I was moving forward and so I let MIP go but I never forgot.
Now, the clouds are hovering again due to my teenage son. I found myself back at MIP for support. It is amazing to me how it doesn't matter how long you are here or how long you are gone, MIP is always here to help, offer support and share when you need them.
? Well now I happily say what I want to say and need to say. If people think I'm foolish or whatever, that's okay. This is about my recovery. I have no problem calling myself THE HAPPY LUNATIC. If I'm gonna be crazy, I might as well be happy about it! 
