I just been reading your posts and finding them so insightful. Thank you all. My post today concerns my A-Mother, deceased, she died of cancer. She had always maintained that she never knew her mother as a result of her illegitimacy. It was true in one way but not in all and in fact did know her and visited her until her death in 1971. I know she was in pain because of mother's instability but even though she is dead I have come to the decision that I need to forgive her actions as it had serious impacts for me during my formative years. My mother was very unpredictable with alcohol and caused me a lot of pain as a child and I always used her own story to compensate for what she did to me. I feel in many ways because of this search and finding the answers that I can forgive her and stop my own pattern of seeking unpredictable people in order to feel alive in some ways. All my older brothers and sister knew the situation, all are in denial and in some ways it must have been harder for them to listen to someone who was not being entirely truthful personally. She used this set of events to binge every few weeks, it was confusing and very scarey. This is a first for me.

The follow up on my A father's insurance is that he has not contacted me since my big no on it. I am glad I made the decision I did and I have not over explained it to anyone, no is no on this one.

My ex A who lives with me is still drinking but I don't engage and have detached from whether he gets caught drinking and driving but have let him know the consequences for himself, its down to him after that, we have a few laughs and he pays his part financially. While I am lonely, I have given up on my unrealistic expectations, I have a big tendency to follow every unpredictable man around the place, that behaviour is my call.