The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been feeling pretty down the last few days. I found out last night that I missed out on an opportunity to get a different job....cut off date for applications was 2 weeks ago. I would have been a shoe in for the job. Last night at work it was all I could do to not break down....seems like things just wanna stay the same around me. There's not really anything I can do, just have to keep going, keep fighting to get to the next day. As busy as I have been trying to keep myself, it is only distracting me from feeling sad or alone.
The whole thing w/ my injury had me thinking negatively too, still in pain and am wondering if it will go away so I can start running again. I hate to think about it but there is that possibility that I will not recover enough to do what I had hoped to do w/ my life. And I would be stuck doing a job that I hate, one that just barely gets me by if I'm lucky.
Maybe I just needed to vent, not sure...but glad the board is here....
In fact I AM STILL THERE, DOING THAT, AND EARNING T-SHIRTS BY THE DOZEN.
I wanted to climb Ben Nevis...then my health failed and I had a major injury to my knee last year which is only just receiving medical treatment. This was a mountain too many it would appear, but hey I WANTED THAT MOUNTAIN and I wanted to climb it with my son...a really FIT serving member of HM Royal Marines, and I, his mother was going to do it with him and stand on the top of that mountain and LOOK DOWN on God's wonderful creation with him by my side.
WRONG: and boy did I KICK and SHOUT and SCREAM and refuse to accept. Why...because it was something else to be taken away from me and I felt my life was/ and still is passing by so quickly now and some days it scares me, so many things I have not been able to do due to circumstances beyond my control.
However, I can hold on to the "what might have been if only..." and thus dull the life I have to yet live or I can stop feeling sorry for myself and say something like...
"okay, that was not meant to be, I will have to look around and consciously seek other things to enrich my life...maybe my original hopes and dreams were just that...we all have hopes and dreams...".
However there is a poem and some of the words continually help me work out and away from that brokenness I feel when hopes and dreams shattered by life and I would share it with you to contemplate, it may just help you form NEW dreams whilst keeping HOLD of the HOPE.
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim. If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster. And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools............
and the choice is ALL MINE - so what am I going to do with those two impostors, let them rule me or tame them and use them to enrich my character and move of from that disaster...that broken dream...that feeling that hope may not be there....???????????
Rudyard Kipling wrote these words and they are such powerful words that I have meditated upon time and time again, and it is only now - in what I see as my third age - that I see the wisdom and the reality of the hope in those words in fullness and I am blessed, as I hope you will be too.
Suzannah
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
This is just a bump in the road..or maybe a ditch, but you will pull through it. I know you have goals. People with goals and a vision usually find thier way. Keep holding on to hope and your dreams too because when that is where your attention is headed, that is what comes to you eventually. Never surrender!!
Love you!!
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Awww Buzz , sorry about the job , keep lookin yu will find what u want . And don't get negative about your ankle it takes awhile to recover from broken bones don't over do , your young u will heal . You are being a little hard on yourself right now , letting life stuff get u down , this has not been a great few months for you , your still in pain and grieving your loss . EASY DOES it buzz . your gonna be fine . Louise
awwwww I'm sorry about the job.....yea, I blew out a chance for better , closer job , too 2 months ago....I just didn't move fast enough...Looking back, I just say "ok, maybe hp was protecting me from something...I turn my life over to HP so maybe he knew something I did not
I felt the feelings, though...I mean I cried!!!! Then, afterwards, I just said "ok, what can I do to take care of me today???"
bully boss was real nice today..Maybe he is worried!!!!
Aloha Jason...I had a reaction to your post...just a very small one and then I remembered and could hear my past elder sponsor tell me "DON'T REACT!!".
I wanted to run into the garage and go send you one of my shovels so you could dig yourself out of that hole you're in until I realized hey may be he's feeling okay where he's at and might just use the shovel to get a bit deeper...??? Been there and done that and thought that maybe the tool you need isn't a shovel but a flashlight, or candle or a string that leads you to the door out into the sunlight.
For me staying in the moment and staying real quiet and still I will hear my HP's voice reminding me that when I'm feeling like I'm on the bottom of it all; all I have to do is "turn it over" (to my HP of course) and then I'll be back on top again.
(((((hugs)))))
There's always Hope.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 22nd of May 2009 08:30:35 PM
Hiya Still, Tell me about it, I got a pretty good idea of how you feel. Sometimes it is very difficult to see the path that my Higher Power wants me to take. I can only see the path that I want to take. When that happens it is best if I take a good 30 minutes, sit back and look at all the things I thought I wanted in life. The ones I did not get, and there are many that I am now glad I did not get, and I thank God for that. It is easy for me to forget that my life is being directed by God. So I pray Buzz, that you may find the opportunity, to sit back, relax, trust HP, and see the world with an open heart and mind. There are many, many more opportunities awaiting you. And it may be that what you believe is a missed opportunity, is really a blessing from your Higher Power. As for your foot, tissue damage takes much longer to heal than bones. Keep doing the exercises, and though you may not run again, you will be still be kickin'. Mat God bless and Keep you always..............
I injured my foot and am a jogger and while I began to get depressed because I had to stop running (and stop the great chemmies that run through my body when I do run) a friend told me to get on my bike and start cycling if that would not hurt my foot further and BINGO- problem solved. NOW, I love to jog much more than cycle but I am not complaining and glad to have SOMETHING I can do in the exercise realm- can you swim? Is there something you can take up to substitute for not running?
I DO know that those wonderful endorphins whittle away if we do not exercise regularly! hugs, J.
-- Edited by Jean4444 on Sunday 24th of May 2009 06:32:24 AM
