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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> You have GOT to be freakin kidding me.........and so it continues!!
Post Info TOPIC: You have GOT to be freakin kidding me.........and so it continues!!
shellyj123


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You have GOT to be freakin kidding me.........and so it continues!!
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Just got home from work, and found that EXABF WAS here while I was at work.  Came by in his big shiny new red truck and picked up all HIS stuff.

The kicker to it all is he brought back NOTHING of mine that I asked him for, NOTHING!  Two items totalling over $200.00 and a marble "plate" that I had from when I was in my 20's with the Serenity Prayer on it!!!!  Of course it was not valuable financially but to me sentimentally it meant a GREAT deal, as I bought it during a REALLY hard time during my marriage to a abusive EXAH, and there were times I know that it was the only thing that kept me going.  I didn't know WHAT it really meant back then but I knew it meant something to me.......now it's gone for good, and irreplacable in my heart!!!! 

I asked him SPECIFICALLY when we discussed him getting his things to bring my things back, but I guess that was to much to ask for. 

I was sooooooooooo angry when I realized what he had done that my first reaction was to REACT and call/email him, but I didn't! 

I figure I have two options.... #1- Email him and tell him I will be by his place Sunday for MY things-of course that drags it out ANOTHER 3 days with more hurt for me, or #2-just eat the cost of it all, mourn the loss of my plate and what it meant and let it go.

See I did NOT respond to his last email about MAYBE not being able to come here today-I ALWAYS respond to his emails, even if only briefly-but didn't the last time. And he knows me, and knows my temper so I am sure he knows I am ticked right now, and probally thinking that I will call/email him asking about my stuff.....so maybe this was just another attempt by him to drag it out some more, who knows.  I even told him in the last email to him that all of this had me feeling depleted and sad-WHY would a person keep doing this to someone?????  I would NEVER treat someone I cared fors feelings that way......How wrong it that? 

I am REALLY disappointed right now, and hurt.  Had I known he was up to this I would have made it a point to be here and hand his stuff over only when I got mine.....

Just soooooooooo very depleted and drained and unsure of WHAt to do next-if anything at all.

shelly

Note-he just emailed me and said that he didn't want to pack my stuff in the rental because he wasn't sure how the day would play out, and that he'd get with me one day next week and bring it out-Thursday is good for him-lol......and "I hope you guys have a beautiful weekend"  Now I just can't find that as an excuse...I mean how is it so hard to lift a cat carrier filled with my stuff from the bed of his rental truck and put it in his brand new truck??? I emailed him back with a short note "just keep it".  I think what hurts the most is that I EXPLAINED to him in the last email I sent him (when I told him he could get his stuff Thursday) that this situation was taking a toll on me, that I was not sleeping and feeling very sad and depleted.  So what does he do???  His response was "I can't say for sure about Thursday" and then he pulls this stunt.  This right here, after how I told him I have been feeling all week, shows NO compassion for me or my feelings whatsoever......that makes it all even worse. 


-- Edited by shellyj123 on Thursday 21st of May 2009 04:05:24 PM

-- Edited by shellyj123 on Thursday 21st of May 2009 04:59:35 PM

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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
Priscilla83


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Oh I know he really gets on your nerves. But it seems he's trying hard to tick you off. Detach, detach, detach.

Don't even react to that childish play. Good for you for not e-mailing him and for telling him to keep it.

((Shelly))

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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

RLC


~*Service Worker*~

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Shelly,

His stuff is gone, he is gone, and you made a decision he can "just keep it". Good for you. Now by chance if his email was blocked you would be in complete control of your serenity. Just a thought you might consider. I wish you only the best. And as your EXABF said, I hope you have a beautiful weekend.

HUGS,
RLC

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rosielightshines


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hes out of your life....Say goodbye to the prayer plate, i am sorry its gone, but i would cut it off completely.....NO emails....NOTHING.....and , as someone here said "BLOCK his email"....

Hes gonna keep messing with you till you STOP letting him.......I know, I have been there....NO response...NO reaction is the only way to get rid of them...

the darkness will mess with a person until they STOP!!! .....TURN IT OVER!!!  that kills it....TURNING IT OVER........nothing is going to change if nothing changes and the only thing here that can change is you

its your choice....yea, I would FEEL the feelings....I would write a nasty letter to him and BURN it!!! watch the burning embers go up to God and let HP take care of it..... then hopefully you can be done with this b4 it starts affecting your health.....It just is not worth it!!!!!

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Rosie in recovery one day at a time
Jean4444


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been there!
total and complete detachment in every way.
It is his intention to make you mad. seems that its working! You are playing along with him. stop playing and the game is OVER hugs, J.

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kitty


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You keep telling him how u feel. 

A's are energy-suck/drains, I call them psychic vampires b/c they take our emotions, energy, time, money, peace.  He gets a rush - power off of you always telling him how torn up, hurt, angry, scared, frustrated & in knots you are.  He is using your emotions for him, of course he wont be compassionate - that is a higher level of emotion, it would require some awareness of others - which A's simply dont have.

Since you are enbaling him by giving him SO MUCH energy, why would he want it to end.  He can keep stringing you along.  My exAH, kept so many of my things to punsih me b/c some of that stuff was very sentimental to me & he knew it.  Surely he didnt want my stuff, he wanted to totrture me & so he tried to.
   I can only presume your exAb/f is doing this very same thing.  Mine kept all of my 8MM baby movies & jewelry from my mom & aunts which are priceless & irreplacable. 

He is using you on purpose & you keep giving to him emotionally.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
glad lee


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Shelly, did you mean it when you told him keep the stuff?

My recovery is dependent on my own honesty. Confusion has a lot to do with my conflict-edness, and my own level of honesty, or lack it. I knew the goal, what I needed to do for recovery, I knew I had to get him out of my life for my own self-preservation. But it's a loooooong way from my head to my heart. I had to admit that I still had an attachment. An attachment to him. (I had an attachment to our stuff too.) I am finding that true recovery is about being honest, and admitting to my attachments. I now understand the futility of attaching myself to impermanent, worldly things. (Doesn't mean I have no more attachments, I can just let go of some of it now, especially him.)

I find that when I tell people where I tie my goat, it gives them the power to come after it later. My mistake. What is YOUR MOTIVE for telling him how much this has hurt you? Do you hope that he may feel enough remorse and things may magically change. When I got honest with myself, I could see that THAT is what I was hoping. But it didn't work, I am powerless. I also wasn't acknowledging MY PART in the relationship, I was putting all the blame on him, and that's not honest. All my experiences seem to magically mirror an important message for my own benefit. I have found that I played a part in my own misery.

I would only share these personal feelings with my fellowship, people I can trust, not the A.


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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
MrsGratitude


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Shelly -

Thanks for sharing. You are blessed that that toxic man with his toxic attitude is gone.

May I suggest? Perhaps buy yourself a new platter or a beautiful vase to celebrate the start of a new phase of your life?

Just another small loving way you can celebrate YOU !!!

Sending you love and (((hugs))),

Mrs. Grat and her cat

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> You have GOT to be freakin kidding me.........and so it continues!!