Frustrated - Al-Anon Family Group

RunnerChick · Senior Member

Frustrated

Peggy7 · ~*Service Worker*~

To my understanding he won't need to see a specialist.  Often times getting established with a general practioner will do. The office visits are far less expensive then a specialist and it's good to have established a Dr. in your new location.

Depression isn't something someone chooses to have. It is however, desperately important that it's managed properly. Chemical imbalance is just as distructive as someone with addictions. It hampers normal life responses, destroys mental capability, steals from the patient and their loved ones.

I understand your frustration with him not having insurance but perhaps he can get some type of state assistance. That too can be exhausting and it's common for the state to deny him the first time around, generally by following through with the paper work and applying twice it can be established.

You are correct it's his job to handle, know too that your comments can either be destructive or useful. Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it in a mean way.

Good luck,

Peggy7

N8SMOM · Senior Member

In my meeting last night we were discussing DETACHMENT. One woman stated that even after she learned to detach from her husband's alcoholism, she was still trying to control his medical situation. She soon realized that detachment can come in handy in all aspects of life, not just alcoholism. So if you can, try to detach from this as well. She said that once she realized that, it helped her out a lot.

Good luck to you.

clara · Senior Member

I am on anti-depressants and my general care physican prescribes it for me. Also, check to see if his meds can be filled on the $4.00 Walmart plan. Go to Walmart's website and click on pharmacy. They will give you a list of the drugs for $4.00. Mine is on the $4.00 list.

Good luck.

rosielightshines · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with everyone else here...Its his issue to take care of...hes an adult, he can take care of his own stuff....

I also concur...a state funded hospital might help..its a long wait but a doc can see him and prescribe the meds...maybe he can get on state aid when he is at hospital....

I use the herbal treatments for my mild depression...st. johns wort....it works for me, however, like any "treatment" is a case to case basis...it is widely recommended..I was "down" a lot and noticed that this only began when I stopped taking my st. johns..I got back on it and I am not down anymore...I think it aids the body in creating seratonin (feel good chemical) becuz I can really deal a lot better with it

now i am only telling what I did..NOT advising anything, however I do agree with the other posts......its HIS problem, not yours...

In a lot of states, a working spouse can put her hubby on her insurance....IF you want to.....Also a "significent" other can be added.....

Just my take, please use what you want and dump the rest....

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi RunnerChick

I understand your agitation, I'm currently working through a similar situation.

My A son is on medication which during his detox at home and for a couple of weeks after, until he 'normalised'...if you can call it that....I was laying out packs of meds and vitamins to be taken at certain times of the day.

To begin with he was in no fit state to control himself but now he is so I no longer do it. He knows that without his meds depression and chronic anxiety will return... but the choice is his.

I am encouraging him to take control of his own life, not doing for him what he can do for himself. (I do catch myself biting my tongue...a lot.... but that's my problem to be worked on!!)

I was anxious in the beginning, but I'm now trying to get on with my own life, (using my Alanon tools) and not interfering in his.

He has since arranged a doctor's appointment himself and kept up with his meds to date.

I'm sorry the situation of your A obtaining his meds is in itself a stressful situation. Being in the UK these problems don't arise. I hope it goes well for you both.

Friend in recovery...Ness

RunnerChick · Senior Member

Thanks everyone for your responses.
It seems so flagrantly codependent for me to be worrying about this more than he is.

My A is actually NOT my husband, only my boyfriend and we live together. I don't think I ever made that distinction before, so my apologies.

I have calmed down a bit more now, but before I was just incredibly frustrated and beginning to get very angry - why I'm not sure. I had to take a few minutes to cool down.
Then I reminded myself that acceptance was the answer to all my problems today.

I also take antidepressants. I have suffered from severe depression since I was a young child which has largely contributed to my "something is wrong with me" self-concept. My parents did not understand it and I felt there was something terribly different and inadequate about me. But this isn't really about me in that way.
We are on the same meds. Different doses. Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind to offer him some of my meds because he cannot afford his own- as twisted as it sounds.
Fortunately this has ceased being an option as it is simply not putting 'first things first' and is also incredibly inappropriate, not to mention dangerous for me.

not doing for him what he can do for himself.

Ah, yes. These words are so true and something I must hold on to when dealing with this situation. I suppose it is fine for me to point him in the direction of such information but, not DO for him.
What is sad is that I find my motives to be almost selfish in a way.
Am I primarily concerned with his mental health or am I really trying to control the situation so that I am not exposed to living with a 'dry drunk' which seems to be the inevitable behavior that would follow?
That's a question for me to ponder, while not beating myself up :)

-- Edited by RunnerChick on Thursday 21st of May 2009 12:32:07 PM

-- Edited by RunnerChick on Thursday 21st of May 2009 12:34:29 PM

cart456 · Newbie

synonyms frustrate, thwart, foil, baffle, balk mean to check or defeat another's plan or block achievement of a goal. frustrate implies making vain or ineffectual all efforts however vigorous or persistent <frustrated attempts at government reform>. thwart suggests frustration or checking by crossing or opposing <the army thwarted his attempt at a coup>. foil implies checking or defeating so as to discourage further effort <foiled by her parents, he stopped trying to see her>. baffle implies frustration by confusing or puzzling <baffled by the maze of rules and regulations>. balk suggests the interposing of obstacles or hindrances <officials felt that legal restrictions had balked their efforts to control crime>.
cart456
dui

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