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My dry AH and I are struggling in this 24 hours. I realize we have NO friends that don't drink.
We are both struggling with this. We know there are many activities open to us, but there are no real dry events. I'm here because of him AND me. The only people I know who are dry, are in al-anon. I'm greatful for them, but am not comfortable enough to ask any to socialize outside of al-anon.
Is there a way to find dry social events in our area? I've googled online and NOTHING. I've looked at AA and Al-anon. We're feeling alone.
I guess I'm trying to find "dry" events. We met a nice couple through church at a marriage encounter and the first thing they said as we were starting to hang with them at church functions was, "Hey let's get together for a drink."
They are nice people, but we are no way strong enough or ready for that.
I hear you. My husband and I have always been drinkers - I mean who can go out to a restaurant and not order a drink? Who can fly on an airplane and not have a drink? Who can sit on a tropical beach and not have a drink? Who can sit outside on their patio, watching the sunset and not have a drink? I guess you get my point by now? LOL! I find that this lifestyle change isn't easy on me at times either, but I'm trying my best. When my husband got out of detox I told him that there was to be no drinking in the house - I've held up my end of the deal, unfortunately he hasn't.
It definitely isn't easy finding non-drinking things to do when you have always been a drinker. I say take the plunge and ask someone from one of your meetings over for dinner or out to eat, or perhaps as it was mentioned in a previous post, ask them out to a movie (so you don't feel awkward trying to come up with conversation). Then the more times you hang out with them, the easier it will be.
You could also start going for daily walks together. Do it at a time when you might usually drink.
Also, is there any way you can talk to your friends and try to get their support to not drink when you're hanging out together? I know my husband's friends are very supportive and they would respect the fact that my husband shouldn't be drinking and they wouldn't drink when he's around.
I wish I had more answers for you, this is all so new to me too. Good luck!
I did more socializing without ETOH while in the program that it blew my mind!! A bunch of us use to go out after the meetings and go have coffee and dessert at a good restaurant and spend hours talking, relaxing and laughing. We use to call those the "meetings after the meeting" and besides fun there was also a bunch of growth. Socializing does change in sobriety for sure. I have never missed the kind of "fun" the alcoholic and I use to have before program.
When I got into recovery many of the old drinking and using "friends" took a reverse attitude about me. LOL It wasn't hard to shake off.
When hubby was in AA especially during the summer months, there were always picnics going on. Lots of times it would be joined with the Alanon groups. I think there are plenty of things to do that have nothing to do with alcohol. Debilyn had some great suggestions. I know in my area there is always some kind of festival going on with lots of arts and crafts, civil war reenactments etc. We use to volunteer at animal shelters, go to the zoo or aquarium. I think our most favorite thing to do was just hop in the car and go. No plans. Drive to no where and get lost. The only thing we would plan was which direction we would head. That was it. We'd let the day unfold as HP intended. We did always keep our fishing poles in the back - just in case.
Take this opportunity to rediscover who you are. You are on a great adventure. Live it! Enjoy it. Life is too short not to. HAVE FUN! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn on Tuesday 19th of May 2009 08:21:32 AM
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I would go places where alcohol is not a given like movies, bowling alleys might have alcohol but it's not the focus, I'd retry the couple and say you don't drink and offer another suggestion. Going to the beach? Renting DVDs at home, golf? putt putt golf, athletic stuff usually doesn't involve alcohol, swimming, frisbee golf, playing sports like baseball, basketball, etc, It's hard to change your patterns and do something that's outside your comfort zone. Take a painting or dance class? Look at your parks and rec site and see if they offer anything fun, scuba? treasure hunting with metal detectors? gold panning in the mountains? amusement park? water park? lots of stuff to do.
I can say that I know a little about what you are going thru... When I met my Husband all we did was Drink, 7 days a week, if we could swing it... Now that he has Slowed his to "Binges" and I have desided to walk away from the "Bar's" and raise my son the best I know how... Well Friends are few and far between... Now I would see most of My "Friends" if I went back to the bar, and I am sure that they would talk to me like i never left... But to them... If i'm not drinking... I don't count.. None of them call me to see how I am or nothing.. It took me a while to except that for what it was, and now i can say.. I am ok with it...
Like above, some of the things that my husband and I love to do is : 4 wheeling, Riding motorcycles, camping, fishing, Picnicing, taking a nice walk in the woods, riding bikes on the canal, going to an ATV park, go to the beach, the more activities you attend the more Open you will be to meet "New" people, yeah some of them will drink, but I am sure if you feel a connection with them they would be just as happy doing things that don't include alcohol...
Like above ... You just have to put yourself out there and try new things, Once you and he get to a comfortable place in your relationship, were you are enjoying yourselves, others will want to be a part of that... It will shine thru you... At home board games are great, movie night with cake & Ice cream :) Find yourself, and then you will no what it is you are looking for in others :)
Take what you like and leave the rest :) Love & Prayers Jozie
AA and Alanon are "dry" events. If you both are going to meetings regularly, you will become more comfortable with asking the people there over for dinner, or out for coffee. It takes time. It isn't easy being sober and making friends.
That instant inhibitions lower-er that alcohol provides is gone. Now you all have to be yourself. Totally.
Ask someone in the program over, or out. They are sitting there just as nervous, insecure and clueless as you are. Why not be lost and found together?
