The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was stressed when my son was drinking and I'm still stressed now he is in recovery. My serenity is hard won!
My son is at home with us and I think this is week 8 of his recovery but, as I'm trying to live one day at a time, I've lost count. He's doing ok, probably better than me!
I noticed when he went through rehab early last year I suffered what felt to me like PTSD. Has anyone else had this?
The first couple of weeks he was in rehab I was on a high, then later the resentment piled in, the hatred of drink, the futility and the waste of a young life. The anger and sadness at the impact on my own life, my husband's life, my daughter's life. I couldn't sleep, fought with my own shadow, avoided the phone, kept replaying the horrors of his drinking and spent far too much time sobbing.
Same thing has happened this time, as he detoxed at home I swung through a range of emotions not to mention utter exhaustion....then the high.... and I'm currently on a downer....BUT, I am finding as I try to apply what I learn here and through my f2f meetings I am managing better,....... it's different.
I am minding my own business, and working on my own recovery as he goes through his.
I know.....progress, not perfection. Taking it a day at a time.
Thank you all for being here and continuing to share your ES&H.
Tonight I feel like punching walls.....but this too will pass!!
I probably went thru rehab 10 times with my husband. We suffer as well, I can remember so well being pissed of because I was so pissed on. That's how I felt anyway.
Take it easy on yourself, let your feelings be as they are. Your life did not become like this overnight and will not change over night. I can still remember that feeling of waiting for that other shoe to drop.
Try and remember, he has the disease, he and only he can control his sobriety.
You and only you can work your own program, you have the control to take control of you. I know this is not an easy task however, it is doable.
I will keep your family in my prayers. This is an ugly disease, death institutions or jail is the only outcome for someone still using.
Try and be grateful for today, remember sister one day at a time, sometimes one minute or even one second at a time.....Hang in there this too shall pass.
When my husand went to rehab I had to detox from him!!!!! Living with an Active A takes a toll on us Alanonies. It is a great thing that you are recognizing what is happening to you. I did too and I made an action plan. My plan included buying healthy foods to super charge my body and mind in a positive way, I stayed away from fast food, I read, prayed, cleaned my house and then he came home after 4 days. I thought I had it figured out what I was going to do for the next 90 day and my plan only lasted 4 days. That went to show me how unpredictable life is with an alcholic and that I can only focus on today and stay in today. And just take care of myself. Yeah, it's okay to prepare for the next week or month, but be prepared to take a detour if need be and be careful not to crash emotionally when you have take that detour. The A's life can be ups and downs, our life doesn't have to be. Good Luck!
Hi Ness, It is great to see you back and posting!!!
I understand your feelings happiness at the signs of recovery and then the crash into anger at the destruction and pain caused by this disease.
It is important to acknowledge these feelings as you are doing. That helped me to reach the point of Acceptance of this disease and all the ugly truth associated with it. I hear you when you dasy this time it is different and I am glad. Keep using your tools-share here often- live a moment at a time- and be gentle with yourself.
This program is a miracle, so please use whatever tool works for you and know that HP has you both in his hands.
'being pissed of because I was so pissed on'.....I like that Andrea, that sums it up quite succinctly!!
Sincerely.....I'm taking it one day at a time. I no longer project on the future just live in the moment and work with whatever that moment brings. I now nurture myself and am trying to be kind and gentle with myself . I have a newbuilt house that still has plenty work to be done and have also started constructing a pond and a new garden is needed...lots of good old physical activity!!
Hotrod.....Acceptance has brought with it, as you so rightly say, a minefield of feelings and this programme is a miracle in that it has brought a HUGE difference to my life and to how I now handle things.
You said: I suffered what felt to me like PTSD. Has anyone else had this?
I am so glad that you brought this up. I have suffered my own flavor of this after my A went into rehab and I was left in the muck of my own disease. There were certain scenerios that would bring me back in a second to where I had been when all the insanity was occuring - the sleepless nights and the crazy thoughts. I had certain triggers that made me feel like I was reliving all of those horrific times all over again. There was so much trauma in it for me, that after it was all over I was so horrified that it would return that it haunted me. Sometimes I couldn't understand why I would react SO strongly to an unanswered phone call -- or any other small and seemingly insignificant happening that would trigger a chain of emotional reactions for me that were so strong it was disturbing. I like how sincerely put it- that we are detoxing off of them.
