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level.
I left him almost a week ago. Doing much better than I thought I would. I did bring the baby to see him last night. He called and asked if we would spend the night there. It was hard, but I can't let the baby go with him without me because he always passes out. I almost didn't even let him see our son, but I know it's good for my son to see him sometimes. He just kept telling me I didn't have to move out and he only told me that to hurt me, but I think he realizes I am not going to move back especially since I took all my stuff.
He just keeps getting sicker and sicker. He has had a bad cold or something for 3 weeks and last night I almost called am ambulance. He kept coughing, couldn't breathe well, and was in a lot of pain on his right side. Has had the right side pain since I met him, but it just keeps getting worst. He said I didn't care about him so I should just let him be. I told him I still do care about him, but that doesn't mean I am moving back in. I don't know why I keep worrying about this. I kept getting up in the night to make sure he was still breathing; I thought I was going to wake up to him dead.
I don't know what I am going to do from here out. I keep wanting to think of the future, but I know one day at a time is all I need to worry about for now and keep trusting in HP to guide me through this.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Good for you for having boundry's and sticking to them, if he remains sick it is only by his choice, not your desire for him to change. I am glad that you still want him to be a part of your childs life, I think that is great if he isn't out of control when the baby is there.
You can't make him better, only he can... I have learned this the hard way on more then one occassion in my life, with all the A's around me...Loosing my Afather to this disease last Thanksgiving has been a real eye opener to me, as to what can happen if you get involved, or if you just let them choose their own path... I can't say I always did right by my afather, but out of his 5 children I was the one that had most or all it to deal with...I am ok with that...
You have to stay in the now, and focus on what is best for you and your baby... We can only pray that he will see what he is loosing, but if he don't, well... Again it is his burden to bare, not yours... We can not make the "A" See what we see... It is like banging your head off a brick wall... The only scares are your own... And they just don't "get it"
Good for you for trusting in your HP, Mine has helped me move many mountains these last 6 months, and with out him I don't know where I would be... Remember to "take care of YOU" and that will then in turn, help you take care of your child...
Will keep you in my prayers :) Take what you like and leave the rest... Love & Prayers Jozie
Thank you for sharing Melissa - I understand the situation you are in. Glad you are here and sharing. Distancing ourselves from active A'ism can help to give us perspective and clear our heads a bit - at least in my experience. I know how hard it is to watch someone you deeply care about, slowly slip again. It is heart-wrenching. You're not alone - thank you again for sharing this.
I thought of you yesterday & was hoping things were going a little more smoothly for you - and today here's a message from you! Thanks for checking in with us. Have you found an f2f meeting for yourself?
I am very used to the mixed messages the alcoholic offers. I am also used to being out of my mind with worry. That is an incredible burden you have. I know you want your baby to see him but detachment might be one way you can manage it. There is a good primer on that at www.coping.org.
2 plus years ago I left the ex A I was still very much involved with him for one year. That one year helped me to see him as he really was and have some distance on my absolute over involvement with him. I always felt I was the only person in his life who took care of him that was not the case. Indeed I feel absolutely the ex A was better off without my constant over reaction to him.
The ex A and I had pets who I took custody of. He often called and asked if he could see them. As his behavior had been so absolutely self destructive I chose not to permit it.
