The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the final week of D-Day has come... I can no longer put off, or delay the fact any longer, I have to charge forward, and do the dreaded things that I have been regretting for some time. I have to remove all the contence of my Deseased Afathers belonging!
I have so many mixed emotions about the whole deal, so many things reeling thru my mind. I am a bit proud of my self, for when I started al-anon, I told my self that by June 1st I wanted to be able to move on with MY Life and leave this last 6 months behind. Though I am on schedule just as I planned, I now am dreading the final steps to get there.
I have two days, to take Everything and get it out. I have fought with Abrother for MONTHS trying to get his things removed, and finally last night, I text and said, "if not done by Tues. Kiss it good by for I am Not Turning Back now or Delaying the Process ANY Longer"... To which I got a phone call, and he stated he would handle it Yesterday. Well in traveling past the local bar he LIVES at, there he sat with Beer in Hand, like he does everyday of his life. I know... "Not My Problem, Didn't cause it, cant Cure it, and None of my business!"
However...Knowing that, doesn't really make it stop. Nor does it make me feel any better about what "I" have to do. I have been working this past week on letting Go of the resentment I hold to my siblings that have been "OK" with ME handling Everything, and yet they still have the nerve to say. "Can I have the Washer & Dryer" to which I graciously say "NOPE Gave it with the trailor", to which I then get a Phone slammed down in my ear. I'm ok with that part for I know that is the alcoholic trying one last time to get something to "Hock" for his next drink he don't want to work for... Again not my problem!
I went to my F2F last night, and met an elderly lady that stole my heart. She was in early to mid 70's I would say. She walked in so strong, and when I heard her story, the tears ran like water from the sink. In the last 5 months this is a piece of what she went thru.
Jan. Her husband went to a Nursing home for he can't remember who he is. Right there after, she was caring for her 98 yr old father, and fell and broke her hip, she has an ASon she had to throw out of her home Feb. He then took up living in her "Outshed" living on scraps, and not bathing, for taking care of himself at all, May 4th her elderly father that she had been caring for, past due to congestive Heart Failure, and filling of fluids in her care, and when she went that Wens. to bary her father, she came home to find her Ason, Dead...In the Outshed! And YET... She Came to the Sunday night meeting, with strength I have never seen very often in my life. Her only complaint was the feeling of loneliness that she now has in her life, for NOTHING is now the same, and there is no one left at home for her to care for... I can't Imagine that pain...
And she... Had Compassion of ME! Now how is that...This women has lived Hell, for 5 months, and all along, I am pissing and moaning about "My Poor Life"... Kinda made me feel like an Idiot! She told me to "Be Strong" and use my sloagans, and that "Al-anon" was the GLUE To Her Sanity and mine, so there for I must keep coming back in order to find myself...
So I guess this week is yet another test for me, to buck up and get my stuff lined up... I told her, I guess I will just have to do it with an Al-anon book in each pocket, and in moments of need, pull one out and work threw the moment.
I ask her were she got her strength, she hugged me and said. "God & Al-Anon Have been my strength" she told me that "Yesterday" she did Nothing else, but lay in bed, and at 2 pm she drug herself from bed, and knew that she had to be at that meeting. For something was there for her to learn, and maybe teach at the same time. And it was one place she knew, would not be Lonely...
She was right... She taught me that MY Strength, is the only strength I need, as long as HP is right there with me. Will I stumble? Probably... Will I have a tearful break down? Most Likely... Will I feel Lonely doing it alone? For Sure... Will HP Give me the Strength to carry on? Most Definately... One Moment At A Time... For This Too Will Pass... And like the Wise Lady had told me her favorite is "How Important Is It"...
I guess I am back to Progress not Profection as well... Always Grateful for Your ESH!!! Thanks for letting me Share... Friends In Recovery... Love & Prayers Jozie
-- Edited by Jozie on Monday 18th of May 2009 09:48:13 AM
Isn't it amazing the people we meet in Al-Anon? I am deeply moved by the woman who was at your meeting. You are very fortunate that she was brought into your life. I hope this gives you all the strength you need.
she drug herself from bed, and knew that she had to be at that meeting. For something was there for her to learn, and maybe teach
What a precious gift this woman is to you. Keep her in mind as you travel through your day. I don't believe she crossed your path by accident or to minimize the job ahead of you, but to show you how much strength is within all of us and to pass it on to you.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
WOW!!! That little lady was something...It shows what real love is...She had enough heart to put her troubles aside for a sec and shed some light on you
I am glad she was there, too..See????God is there for you...Nothing happens by accident..God wanted you to know "hes GOT ya covered"...
"She was right... She taught me that MY Strength, is the only strength I need, as long as HP is right there with me. Will I stumble? Probably... Will I have a tearful break down? Most Likely... Will I feel Lonely doing it alone? For Sure... Will HP Give me the Strength to carry on? Most Definately... One Moment At A Time... For This Too Will Pass... And like the Wise Lady had told me her favorite is "How Important Is It"..."
You indeed have the inner strength guided by the alanon tools, to handle this most difficult task.
Well the final week of D-Day has come... I can no longer put off, or delay the fact any longer, I have to charge forward, and do the dreaded things that I have been regretting for some time. I have to remove all the contence of my Deseased Afathers belonging!
