The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit card and allow them to issue another one, thereby stopping the monthly $56.00 hit. He has yet to do it. Problem here is that I am paying the monthly unauthorized charge as nearly all the income we have is from me. I have reminded him a couple of times that I do not wish to continue ponying up the $56.00, and he should cancel his debit card. He has yet to do so. My choices are two...1. Have my pay, annuities, dividends, etc directly deposited into a new and different account of my own, and take my name off the old one or 2. Cancel his debit card myself which I would hardly define as enabling. I think I will choose both remedies; unmingle the funds, and cancel his debit card. Damn I do get tired of his cavalier, devil-may-care attitude especially when it involves my money. He is a brilliant man, extremely well-educated, well-read, and well-traveled. But, being an A, he is also extremely careless about most things. Even when he is sober. *sigh*
"Life do get tedious sometimes," to quote the old, old song. LOL
Diva
-- Edited by Diva on Friday 15th of May 2009 11:18:22 PM
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I would definetelly take my name off of that account. My bf's pay goes into my account and I only keep his part of the bills. To me it's a good assurance that he pays his part of the bills. I have thought about putting his name on my account but I'm not going to do it. I know the finances are safe while I'm handling them.
He always runs out of money even though he makes more than I do and I'm not going to risk him having access to mine. Just wanted to share what works for me.
Sounds like a good plan to me. I'm in a similar situation - my AH hasn't balanced a check book in the entire 25 years we've been married and simply cannot keep up with a single check book to save his life. Fortunately, I make a really good living so this hasn't had any severe negative impacts, but I would like to get it under some semblance of control. So I will be opening my own account and go from there.
My A long-time companion had some scam attached to his debit card which is billing us $56.00 per month for God knows what. We cannot seem to find out anything about the source of the charge. So....our bank - we have co-mingled funds which I do not recommend to any of you - told him to cancel his debit card and allow them to issue another one, thereby stopping the monthly $56.00 hit. He has yet to do it. Problem here is that I am paying the monthly unauthorized charge as nearly all the income we have is from me. I have reminded him a couple of times that I do not wish to continue ponying up the $56.00, and he should cancel his debit card. He has yet to do so. My choices are two...1. Have my pay, annuities, dividends, etc directly deposited into a new and different account of my own, and take my name off the old one or 2. Cancel his debit card myself which I would hardly define as enabling. I think I will choose both remedies; unmingle the funds, and cancel his debit card. Damn I do get tired of his cavalier, devil-may-care attitude especially when it involves my money. He is a brilliant man, extremely well-educated, well-read, and well-traveled. But, being an A, he is also extremely careless about most things. Even when he is sober. *sigh*
"Life do get tedious sometimes," to quote the old, old song. LOL
Diva
-- Edited by Diva on Friday 15th of May 2009 11:18:22 PM
I call this GREAT work...Taking care of YOU....WELL DONE!!! And I agee...You are not, from what I read, enabling.......GOOD JOB
I would not have a second thought. You did not create the problem, but you can solve the problem. Sooner the better would be my approach. Enabling runs both ways. You will be enabling yourself to put this behind you. Doing the next right thing is taking care of yourself. That way it will be water over the dam, gone.
Will I think t his is allowing you to have an extra 56.00 a month....which in this economy that can be a lot. Heck maybe he even knows where the charge is coming from. You know A's lying is a state of mind.
Common sense has nothing to to with intelligence. My hub was a smart man not one bit of common sense.
My funds and life were all intermingled with the ex A's. For years it worked but when it stopped working I paid a huge huge price for it. My credit will be bad for a long long time.
I did the asking the A to take care of stuff thing for years. When he started not taking care of things that was a big big red flag I did not heed.
Some of the most brilliant men I know have the common sense of an knat. Do what you have to to take care of you and your finances. This isn't enabling. This is protecting what is yours and your future. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Love to the pets too.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
