The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son and I came home from the condo today knowing full well that the house would not be clean. When I walked in the door, I was almost in tears, not only was it not clean - it stunk to high heaven and my husband was still asleep. I cleaned up some cat puke, emptied the trash, ran the garbage disposal, and cleaned the cat litter. I even noticed that the coffee maker hasn't been cleaned since I left (the coffee grounds were still in there and they were growing mold) Even though it's hot here, I opened the back door to get some fresh air - that's when I noticed the pool was turning green and dog poop hadn't been cleaned up in days.
So he had 5 days to himself and couldn't be bothered to do a thing around the house. I knew it would be like that, so I'm not quite sure why I was so upset about it. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my mom. She sympathised with me and it was good to talk with her.
After my husband woke up we talked a little and agreed that we need to have a serious conversation about things (him planning to quit his Out-Patient Program is among a few of the things we need to discuss). So Nate and I went back to the condo to clean it up and get our stuff, so he could have time to shower. He went to run some errands and while he was gone, I cleaned the house. He came back later in the afternoon.
He got a call from his boss who left a voice mail for him - the voice mail just said for my husband to call him back on Monday. Of course, my husband expecting the worse has retreated to his beer cave (the basement) to drink. So remind me again why my son and I came home today? We could be at the condo pool right now relaxing and enjoying ourselves. The stove is still broken, we have to buy a new one, so I'm not even sure what I'm going to make my son for dinner. Maybe something frozen that I can stick in the microwave?
Ughhhh - this whole thing really sucks. I hate how alcoholics are so selfish!!!
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 16th of May 2009 12:15:55 AM
Don't we all hate their selfishness?????? I am not going to give you any words about how you should be able to handle this since you expected to find what you found. Even when we KNOW what their behavior is going to be, sometimes it hurtsus , makes us angry, and frustrates us nearly batty!! (Or all the preceeding). I understand your feelings completely. Some would sy we have not immersed ourselves deeply enough into AlAnon tenets because we have yet to accept what we cannot change. Phoooey!
I get mad as ! And you have a right to too. Now take some deep breaths and relax. You're doing fine.
Diva
-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 16th of May 2009 12:16:32 AM
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
you went home because if you hadn't, the city would have to come in and condemn the place, it would be so filthy! LOL!
Geez, I remember those days with all the dog crap in the back yard- ugh I hated coming home after being away and seeing all that dog crap, it literally made me sick! When its SO EASY to just go out there with the dog and PICK IT UP w/a bag right then and there and throw it out for the love of god...
I knew it was what I would come home to also. I started to not like coming home.
Here is what I do when I leave to go out of town for any extended period of time: I change the sheets on the bed so I can come home to a nice clean fresh bed. I change the towels for the same reason- I like to leave my home spotless so I can come home from a trip and be SO HAPPY to come home! Its little things like this that really make me happy!
I am grateful every day that I keep my house as spotless and as messy as I please and its NO ONES BIZ but my own. I know if I ever live with anyone again (doubtful) I will need my own wing or floor or part of the house, without question, including my own bedroom and bathroom. I am not ever going to clean up after anyone but myself, EVER.
I don't care how rich, cute, sexy or brilliant he might be! He can keep his own spaces as he wishes and I will keep mine! hugs, J.
-- Edited by Jean4444 on Saturday 16th of May 2009 04:31:15 PM
I really empathise with your situation. Now you are learning things that you can do for yourself ~ allow your focus to be on you, detach from AH's behavior. Focus on YOU. Do you have to leave the condo yet? I remember you saying you wouldn't come home until the stove top was repaired. If you not follow through on a boundary, they are ineffective. Plus, you aren't earning your own respect either. Following through on my word, gave me back self esteem & that right there empowered me & took away some of my depression.
Boundaries gave me the feeling of detachment naturally. It was great.
Take care of you. Mom can't preform well for kiddos if they aren't well cared for, so love yourself. You have been taking care of your AH & prob have neglected yourself, like so many of us did. I would bet that if you left for a month you would see the appearance of what would be your AH getting a lot worse - b/c u do so much at home. Like the coffee filter. I used to bus the coffee as a teen for my parents b/c I drank it all the time - they did too but I was on it. I dont know if it was a competetive thing or I thought I was contributing to the family. I guess that means you left doggie with AH - I wouldnt do that either, the animals are mine & I'd kill for them.
Keep working on you & keep coming back/working program. You deserve so much more and you're worth it!!!!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
thing around the house. I knew it would be like that, so I'm not quite sure why I was so upset about it. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my mom. She sympathised with me and it was good to talk with her.