The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am realizing that strong feelings of pain are just that: strong feelings of pain. They won't kill me. They won't totally ruin my life forever, they are not the end of the world. They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone.
I think that strong feelings of pain/sorrow scare me so much because as a child, these strong feelings of pain WERE associated with life or death situations- I was a child and my survival depended upon the adults around me. When my parents were out of control/unable and I was left to fend for myself it WAS a life or death situation: how to get food to eat when I was hungry, sitting with a dirty diaper and crying for hours, days, being ill and needing to be cared for, etc.
Today I am not a child. I can and do take care of myself. Pain is not a life or death situation for me. It is easy to go back there and think in my mind that it is but the truth of the matter is, it simply is not. I am going to be OK! This too shall pass. Feelings are not facts. hugs, J.
I think I inadvertantly really learned to magnify my pain through those/because of those very early needs not being met. It became a pattern/system for me that has now outlived its useful ness. Its is a constant challenge but all I need to do is stand up and see exactly where I am in this very moment and all the information I need is there. I am 45 years old. I have enough food, a good home, a good job, a decent car, etc.- everything is really just fine. I just need to feel these feelings- no one said life was going to be free of pain. J.
I can really identify. All my life I did everything I could to avoid pain. I think this program is so great!!! You posted your feelings and thoughts on how your felt and the reason - received a few good responses and then:
YOU came up with the solution. WOW
I found daily gratitude lists and being willing to own the pain really worked.
I have a tendency to be consumed by my pain - with this urgent fear and panic that this pain and sorrow is bottomless. Gaining perspective on it while going through it, is difficult but, possible, I am learning.
They are just strong feelings of pain. They arrive, sweep over me and eventually run their course and are gone.
YES!!! as an adult, we have the choice of either letting feeings pass through or acting on them
I think that strong feelings of pain/sorrow scare me so much because as a child, these strong feelings of pain WERE associated with life or death situations-
When I was a baby, my child body could NOT withstand that kind of pain, so yea, I had to shut down to protect myself...RUN from pain....DO anything to avoid it....shutting down was my survival tool to cope with/ survive pain.....however as an adult I CAN withstand it...I CAN feel it and not be knocked down to the mat....Yea, it hurts, but I can DEAL with it and be done with that source of pain
I was a child and my survival depended upon the adults around me. When my parents were out of control/unable and I was left to fend for myself it WAS a life or death situation: how to get food to eat when I was hungry, sitting with a dirty diaper and crying for hours, days, being ill and needing to be cared for, etc.
oh Me 2...locked outside and having to eat dog food to survive AND steal from the bread delivery man and the milkman to feed me and my younger siblings when mom was upstairs passed out drunk and had locked us outside in winter in NE and here we are , freezing and hungry, so I would get one of my brothers to "distract" the guy, while I entered the van to get our food..Milk, cheese, bread, butter, eggs, eating them raw.....oh yea, and if we were inside, she would lock us in cages so she could drink and not have to baby sit us....My aunt would come by and let us out and take me with her because she wanted to adopt me, she and my uncle would just "drop by" and sure enough...We were either outside and hungry, or INside and in cages.....
Today I am not a child. I can and do take care of myself. Pain is not a life or death situation for me. It is easy to go back there and think in my mind that it is but the truth of the matter is, it simply is not. I am going to be OK! This too shall pass. Feelings are not facts. hugs, J.
YES!! Today I am a big person....I can take care of me....The beast is dead....I am SAFE in my HP and in ME......I can protect me and PAIN is not going to kill me in fact the pain I feel now is *productive pain*...THIS time, its going to return to me something good....RECOVERY.....Yes, AMEN.....I am OK....THIS too shall PASS.....Feelings are just feelings...I do not have to act on them......
