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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Decision making...at last
Post Info TOPIC: Decision making...at last
maire rua


~*Service Worker*~

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Decision making...at last
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Dear all,
Have been reading the posts and getting so much out of them, its unbelievable. I rang my A father and told him the truth, that I would not be able to transfer dead step moms car to me and insure him as a named driver because of the consequences for ME. This is a first. I am sure he is annoyed. I made some suggestions and they were sound ones, like how he had built up a good record now so he could try and get insurance by himself. I am relieved that I told him as all my life I have gone on with unpleasant situations which suit other people rather than me, this has gone on with non-As also so it is my problem and comes from childhood from not understanding what is normal or not. I also fall into infatuation situations when stressed like this as I am unable to live in reality so this week while sad and stressful at times has been a real eye opener.

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Maire rua
nmike


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(((((mr)))))

Sometimes NO is the best medicine for people. I know that they may react negatively but in the long run that NO makes everything turn out better. That is my experience.

In support,
Nancy

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Jozie


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Maire (((((HUGS)))))

I wanted to share a story with ya about my Now Deseased Afather... About 3 years ago, he came to me, and was all excited about this van he wanted.. "He had an old one, but this one was more fansy".. Well the part I didn't know, was that he was going to thro me right in the middle of it.. at the time he was 55... I was 32...So after he calls me and tells me of this Custon Van, I am sitting at the office one day, and he brings it by for me to see.. Well of course I tell him its nice, and good for him, and what not...

Then came the kick... He looks at me and says, I talked to the bank (The bank he spoke with he has been a member of for over 35 years) and They said that YOU Can co-sign, and I can have it in a week... Well.... I about fell over... I told him I would have to think about it, and get back to him... Well.. The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable it made me feel.. My stomach was in knots for Days... And Finally I picked up the phone and said "Dad, I know that you want this, but at the time I can not sign for you! I'm Sorry." , well he says "I dont know what the damn problem is... All I Need is your signature..You wont have NOTHING to do with it after that!!" Well I then had to explain to him that "YES" I would have something to do with it, because if he was to fall behind on his payments they would then be MY responsibility... To were he hung up on me & made me feel even worse then i did before I made the call...

Well... Needless to say, he Did Not Get the Fansy Van...And of course in his mind i think he believed it was my fault...Which i am still living with even tho he is gone..BUT... 2 weeks AFTER he was at my door telling me ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SIGN... He lost his "part time" Job and hadn't been back to work SINCE, and he past in Nov. 2008... Soooo Tho I still have Issues with not "Allowing" him to have that Fansy Van... I still am grateful that I stood up to him and did not add more stress to my life in "Just Signing"...

I Love my Afather whole heartedly with out question... I always have, but Thank God above that I did not allow his manipulations to yet again rule my world... It was tough..It hurt, and I still cry about it from time to time...Thinking to myself.. "What If... I Gave him that...Would it have made a differance?"... Well I know in my heart, it would not... but My Mind just hasn't caught up to the reality of it yet...I pray frequently for forgiveness in my wrong doings, but I can't feel that standing up for myself, mylife, my credit, as the forgiveness I need... My forgiveness has to come from within, and thanks to Al-anon, and all these great people I have met along the way... I am learning ... "That I DID the Best That I Could, with What I had, at the Time"...

And so have you:) Good for you for standing on your own two feet, and not allowing it to happen if that is not what makes You Comfortable...

Take what you like and leave the rest... Thanks for letting me share :)
Friends In Recovery
Love & Prayers pray.gif
Jozie

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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
Sincerely


Senior Member

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Posts: 450
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Maria,
I believe that you are doing the right thing. As the wife of an alcholic multiple dwi offender and as an Auto Insurance Agent, I believe that they should pay the price to get behind the wheel and carry the highest limits of liablity possible. It's a small price to pay for insurance compared to the risk they put all of us at when they get behind the wheel.
You did great!
Sincerely,
Tonya

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With love in recovery, 

Sincerely
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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I can understand reality was not my forte for most of my life.

Maresie

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maresie
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Decision making...at last