The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What are the negative effects not detaching? If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you: * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive "fix it" who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
* Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
* Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.
I am reading this and can see how enmeshed I was with people/ places /things
It was born out of fear of abandonment....rejection......no trust in myself and HP to take care of me.....compulsive need to be in control to "combat" that learned helplessness I learned as a child....not knowing that I had needs/wants and how to assert them....
WOW!!!! recovery has literally saved my life and my mind.......
Thanks for the post...However ...lol... I think I have seen myself in MANY of thee above... Of course since Al-anon I am slowly learning not to be walked upon...Tho I have not made many friends since this finding of myself... But I guess I just quit dealing with All the ones that have slowly sucked out all of my power... and babe... I am here to claim it back.. I am DONE suck'n butt, just to get attention, and I am DONE carring what Others want and need above my own... I am still willing to Help those that help themselves, but I am not willing to allow them to use me as ther Constant doormat :) GROWTH IS GREAT :)
Funny how when YOU start feeling better... Everyone you thought mattered, really only wanted my wind... Not ME!! I'm taking my Wind back :) One MOMENT at A Time :)
THanks again Rosie... I am always glad to point out my growth ;) and I can see it in so many here ;) YEAH Al-anon
